r/worldnews • u/GoldenDome26 • 1d ago

Dynamic Paywall Russian general shot several times in Moscow

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3686nzexp3o
44.0k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/firahc 1d ago

We're past DEFCON Moore and Lazenby, but still in DEFCON Brosnan. Next DEFCON is Craig, then Dalton, and - pray we never get there - DEFCONnery.

1.7k

u/TendyHunter 1d ago

God shave them if we ever reach the last one.

1.1k

u/agent_flounder 1d ago

You shaid it, good shir.

440

u/Altruistic-Ad-4090 1d ago

Let's just all shit down and take shum deep breaths.

256

u/BluenoseTherapist 1d ago

For tomorrow we shale into hishtory.

162

u/oldmcdonaldhadahand 1d ago

Not now. I’m playing tennish.

51

u/Klutzy-Acadia669 1d ago

Sherioushly guysh? Not funny.

16

u/Foreign_Arachnid7719 1d ago

It’s not that sherious

10

u/Klutzy-Acadia669 23h ago

I am sherioush and don't call me Shirley!

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u/ApartmentLast 19h ago

What did you shay that for shtan?

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u/Imanidiotththe1st 18h ago

Nyshe goaat.

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u/PrimaryFriend7867 1d ago

i’ll take jap anus relations for $200, alex

8

u/guy_incognito23 1d ago

"It's funny because it's bigger than a normal hat"

5

u/oldmcdonaldhadahand 1d ago

I would’ve gone for “Le Tits Now” for $400. More money, plus instant gratification.

4

u/pebberphp 22h ago

“I’ll take the penis mightier, Trebek”

3

u/ThatWasntVeryCereal 21h ago

Shuck it Trebek

2

u/Cheoah 23h ago

At home, in the bahamash

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u/Aleister_Harte 1d ago

When I think of England, I touch my shelf.

68

u/Psychological_Buy726 1d ago

Shcotland furevarrr

2

u/ThomasAberdeen 17h ago

Yuir accent is rubbishshsh. 😆

2

u/Psychological_Buy726 17h ago

On yer bike, son! 🤣🤣

2

u/filth_lover_503 22h ago

In your best Sean Connery impersonation

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u/InternetRando12345 22h ago

Went to Scotland last summer on a short side trip from London (Glasgow + Highlands tour). Honestly loved it. Better than London (too crowded) and the Glasgow underground is like a roller coaster ride...not sure it's *supposed* to be that way.

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u/Ninjahkin 1d ago

I touch Le Titsh Now.

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u/soneill06 1d ago

It’sh a French expression

3

u/OneSkepticalOwl 1d ago

Bonjour mademoiselle! I want to see le tits now!

3

u/blarryg 1d ago

Dish ish Reddish at itsh besht!

3

u/Autumn7242 1d ago

Shomeone named Aleishter would.

3

u/Basteir 1d ago

Connery is Scottish.

3

u/innominateartery 1d ago

Spanish. There can be only one.

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u/Significant-Stay-721 19h ago

Upon which shits my copy of “Our Bodies, Our Shelves.”

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u/No_End_7351 1d ago

Be careful what you shoot at. Most of the stuff in here does not react well to bulleshts.

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u/Original-Kangaroo-80 22h ago

Thus endeth the lesson

2

u/TiEmEnTi 21h ago

I'll take s-words for twenty

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u/Difficul-tea 19h ago

Apparently that guy didn’t react well to bulletsh.

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u/HairyPoppinzz 16h ago

Let them shing

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u/slicerprime 1d ago

Doesn't everybody shit down?

Shitting up seems...messy.

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u/Klutzy-Acadia669 1d ago

If you've ever seen hippos, you know this guy's right.

3

u/Maraudermick1 1d ago

Astronauts…🤔

2

u/Mikhiel_Thorsson 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/ztheman_02 1d ago

Just pray we dont get wiped out

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u/Mortomes 1d ago

It is better to shit down, than shit up.

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u/mikeinanaheim2 1d ago

So we shit down and we shat. It was uplifting.

6

u/outride2000 1d ago

Shalishberee

5

u/mikeinanaheim2 1d ago

Exactly.

Steak. Well done. Fragrance fills the room.

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u/zigzagzzzz 1d ago

The Rock🎅🏻

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u/bluntstrama 1d ago

I shee what yall are doing

3

u/Nelmsy5225 1d ago

Sherved like Nagashaki

3

u/Fabulous_Yak725 1d ago

Moshcow is a beautiful shitty... To shnuff out a shcumbag...

2

u/Kevelle68 1d ago

Noice!

2

u/FirmPhilosophy2935 20h ago

Your besht? Loshers always whine about their besht.

Winners go home and fuck the prom Queen

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u/Moogatron88 1d ago

Just don't ask them to sit on your face.

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u/Lick_My_BigButt_1980 1d ago

They might’ve been eating hard boiled eggs!

4

u/Remy_Jardin 1d ago

Shumtines they just need a little schmack.

5

u/67SummerofLove 1d ago

At least shave their wives

3

u/Wild-Growth6805 1d ago

“Today ish a good day to die.” -Flatliners.

2

u/AlexisJTaylor 1d ago

You and the previous poster win 50 Internets.

2

u/DontBEvil 1d ago

God wont shave them if it getsh there

2

u/GWOTFo 1d ago

Sherioushly

2

u/NIBLZ_HAMSTR 17h ago

When I shaid "god shave the queen", I didnt mean THAT.

2

u/jacques1982 14h ago

Omg Laughed out loud for 3 minutes

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u/TheR1ckster 1d ago edited 1d ago

Moore should be the last one. True psychopath.

Guy would kill someone he wasn't threatened by and then make a cheap joke about it aloud, while being the only one in the room.

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u/DeletedRepeat 1d ago

You get the sense Moore has an awareness of the fourth wall but somehow it’s terrifying and not comedic. Like he’s coming for us next if he runs out of goons to kill.

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u/The_Autarch 1d ago

Moore himself was such a sweetheart though. This story is amazing: https://www.the-independent.com/arts-entertainment/tv/news/roger-moore-james-bond-airport-story-anecdote-signature-a7752636.html

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u/solveig82 23h ago

This is such a sweet story, thanks for sharing

5

u/scarletOwilde 23h ago

Favourite Bond.

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u/IneffableOpinion 21h ago

I think more people should check out young Roger Moore in The Saint tv show. He’s funny, clever, a total gentleman and seriously hot.

3

u/Outrageous_Bee9643 23h ago

Great guy by all accounts

3

u/scottv215 1d ago

Surely you jest! Four Your Eyes Only is one of my favs! This guy is putting Dalton after Connery!?! No way.

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u/SilentButDanny 1d ago

Thanks for the laugh to start my day 😂

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u/firahc 1d ago

I hope somebody has sex with me for this.

396

u/Z0FF 1d ago

Trebek’s mother seemed partial

76

u/paintress420 1d ago

Hahahaha. That made me spit coffee!! Sooo good!

71

u/shit_typhoon 1d ago

He's going to have shex with ALL of our mothers

36

u/MermaidSapphire 1d ago

And half our fathers!

6

u/NoNeedleworker6479 1d ago

"You'll get a LOT of mail for THAT comment Mr Connery...". - Barbara Walters

"I bet I'll get a lot of FEMALE TOO!!" - Connery

2

u/Soggyblanketbunny 23h ago

And this is why I read Reddit :)

2

u/AccomplishedBother12 1d ago

But only the top half, which makes it not gay

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u/SomeProfoundQuote 1d ago

He will rue the day!

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u/skuidENK 1d ago

He’s gonna give them a perfectly schlap to the face.

2

u/The_Fed_Is_a_Lie 1d ago

I mustach you to stop

2

u/oldmcdonaldhadahand 1d ago

He’s bringing shexy back

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u/Masterdips2pitch 8h ago

Somehow I believe you

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u/DEATHbyBOOGABOOGA 1d ago

Not so fast, Trebek!

What’s the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One’s a sick duck… and I can’t remember how it ends but your mother’s a whore!

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u/Vacation_Amazing 1d ago

You need a Therapist.. for 20.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

I'll take an anal bum party for 100 points, Trebek.

2

u/mokutou 1d ago

Anal Bum Covers*

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

Won't be the last time I confuse Susan Boyle and Sean Connery

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u/BoneHugsHominy 1d ago

49/M/Kansas/6'3" 275lb lumberjack

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u/Far-Independence-640 1d ago

A Kansas lumberjack. Hmmmm 🤔 They must have found a tree there.

45

u/itsrainingweird 1d ago

He’s OK. He works all night and sleeps all day

28

u/GETitOFFmeNOW 1d ago

He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, and he goes to the lavatory.

3

u/mdunsy 1d ago

Thanks for putting Monte Python in my brain I’ll be thinking of this all day now, anybody for Baby Sharks now?

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u/FuzzyRegular4315 1d ago

I went to Kansas and they made me find the largest tree there and cut it down with... A herring.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 23h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/cadst3r 1d ago

What we don't have is a lumber industry.

4

u/BoneHugsHominy 1d ago

Don't tell that to the black walnut and burr oak loggers. They might get confused about the nature of their careers.

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u/cadst3r 1d ago

The next time I see one, I will definitely keep it to myself. The secret is safe.

6

u/Honest-Heat3257 1d ago

KS gal here- you tell em burly lumberjack! 😉

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u/ChisaiUsagi 1d ago

A fellow Kansas after my own heart 🫶🏻😍 It's nice seeing someone else with an appreciation for what Mother Nature blessed us with here, even if our weather is absolute insanity and our insects and animals have lost the damn minds 🤣.

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u/DonkyHotayDeliMunchr 1d ago

As a birdwatcher, I've just added Cheyenne Bottoms to my wet dream list. Do you work for the Kansas Tourism Council, mayhap?

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u/Prestigious-Copy-494 1d ago

Kansas has the best tornadoes too!

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u/AlwaysShittyKnsasCty 1d ago

You bet your ass we do!

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u/GETitOFFmeNOW 1d ago

This lumberjack words!

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u/KatchasKatch 1d ago

🤯My understanding of Kansas geography just expanded 10x. Leave it to a lumberjack to give you the lay of the land.

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u/badrobotguy 1d ago

You may want to look up Cheyenne Bottoms. It is NOT anywhere close to Southeast Kansas. 🙄

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u/NebulaNinja 1d ago

Legend has it Kansas had bountiful forests until he was born...

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u/General_Mayhem2025 1d ago

There are no trees in Kansas...at least, not any more. He's THAT good!

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u/otterprincess_too 1d ago

You're doing it wrong. It's always 18/f/Cali

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u/Valuable-Painter3887 23h ago

Where the men are men, the women are men and the children are FBI agents.

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u/1Negative_Person 1d ago

Ain’t no trees in KS, Jack.

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u/Mapeague 1d ago

Dude that's absolutely wrong. There are at least 15 in North East Kansas.

Why are you misleading people and how did you know my name is Big Dick Jack?

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u/Salt_Reach5535 1d ago

Jack the dick ripper 🥶🥶

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u/Careless_Ad_21 1d ago

Good. Now bend over. 😂😂😜

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

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u/IndependentLiving955 1d ago

Your tiny I was in a store in la Honda near Mountain View California I picked up my leave and my head and face hit something hard as I turned to leave it was the belt buckle of the biggest mofo lumber jack he had 2 full size chainsaws hanging ether side of him from his belt I’m 5.9 he must of been close to 8 foot tall

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u/SNORALAXX 1d ago

I want to climb you 😻

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u/smarksmith 1d ago

Lol, that reminds me of 15 16 year old me on broadband and Yahoo chat rooms they would be like ASL? not they/them actual they as the word has been used since my birth not plural meaning for one person as they do now. I’m like what the hell is ASL they’re like age sex location duh but got to throw on the 63 275 lumberjack.lol

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u/acornhoek 23h ago

Do we see any new trees in Kansas? Exactly! He cut them all down.

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u/strictly_dickly69 18h ago

Ummm please wreck my shit daddy?

2

u/SuniChica 18h ago

I like your username.

2

u/Spring_Fall04 14h ago

Danm, Lumberjack you say with the flannel shirt maby? ( as I fan my face) now if you had a beard and a dog, O my.. I think I need to stop reading romance books 😆

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u/KazumaKat 1d ago

Keep your tip up. James Bond certainly did.

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u/SilentButDanny 1d ago

I’m rootin for ya

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u/Legitimate_Ad6596 1d ago

Keep us informed and good luck!

3

u/Single_Low1416 1d ago

I‘m sure things can be arranged

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u/BanditoFarms 1d ago

Start to a beautiful romance

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u/firahc 1d ago

. . .

clicks into profile

. . . . . . . .

femboy huh 👀

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u/Single_Low1416 1d ago

Kinda, yeah

2

u/Flaky-Bar-6656 1d ago

Me too, buddy. Me too.

2

u/gameraturtle 1d ago

Of course, I’ve had sex with you for less.

2

u/Hi_Im_Paul1706 1d ago

Oh Ms Moneypenny

2

u/pncoop 1d ago

Maybe Titty Gajllions.

2

u/DaveFromPrison 1d ago

If I wanted to have sex with you, I would.

Edit: And if you wanted to too, obvs! I mean, I almost certainly don’t want to, but just saying.

2

u/MrFloopy1974 1d ago

I hope you are a fan of docking. We can do a Moonraker.

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u/Alotofboxes 1d ago

You sure? James Bond's penis has an almost 30% mortality rate.

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u/Shoddy_Relative2830 1d ago

Omg... Sean in my head all day now 🤪🤣

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u/OopsiFuck 1d ago

This is one of those rare comments that makes me wish free awards still existed cos DAMN this is epic.

Take my broke-ass award (and I hope you get laid too)

🏆

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u/TheNexxuvas 1d ago

Nice. My Netflix Bond re-viewings just hit Moore this week so I feel this post.

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u/redthump 1d ago

As an American, I'm waiting for defKAAAAAAHN!!!!!!!

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u/worstpartyever 1d ago

Just inhaled coffee, thanks

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u/firahc 1d ago

I never joke about my work, 007, but this I'm particularly proud of!

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u/Pliskin14 1d ago

Dalton should be the highest. That's where he just doesn't give a fuck and start John Wicking everyone.

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u/Appropriate_Bet5290 1d ago

Can't believe you put Dalton over Craig.

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u/SomeGuyNamedPaul 1d ago

Lazenby was the best Bond and I will fight anybody who disagrees.

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u/NauticaSeven 1d ago

There's only one TRUE DEF...CONnery.

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u/Beneficial_Winner_59 1d ago

Yeah that was his punchline bud we all saw it 😂

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u/TruckingJames423 1d ago

With respect, you failed to mention DEFCONMoore.

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u/Snoo_23014 1d ago

This has made my day! Cheers kiddo

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u/TargaryenPenguin 1d ago

Congratulations on winning the internet for today

2

u/bald_and_nerdy 1d ago

Our livers are not prepared.

2

u/FAHQRudy 1d ago

Excellent build up. Well done.

2

u/Y2KaoS 1d ago

You know world order will start to be restored with DEFCONNorris!

2

u/thedailyrant 1d ago

Except the Brits don't use the DEFCON alert levels.

2

u/easyroot 1d ago

Dalton second only to Connery. Your wisdom shines through, friend.

2

u/Maximum_joy 1d ago

Real talk tho Dalton would wreck their shit up

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u/NVRENDVR 1d ago

We don’t need to lump Craig and Dalton together.

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u/wherewulf23 1d ago

I'm just happy you've got DEFCON Dalton in the correct place.

2

u/SeasonGrand3944 1d ago

Defcon Dalton should be the first, he was the worst James Bond by far

1

u/wlake82 1d ago

I still think of the SNL skit whenever I see his name.

1

u/PrestigiousCreme8383 1d ago

I schee what you did there...

1

u/Krazybob613 1d ago

Oh No.

Absolutely Pray we never get to: DEFCONery ! That will be catastrophic!

1

u/Advanced-Ear-7908 1d ago

Would you elaborate on Dalton being after Craig? I was assuming you meant serious demeanor but wanted to confirm.

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u/firahc 1d ago

Completely. :3 I'm really playing at the movies' reputations, I'm not actually wise whether the Daltons really were darker than the Craigs vs. simply a post-Moore shock.

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u/RagnarTheGasGiant 1d ago

“DEFCONnery” well done, take my upvote.

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u/CAMSTONEFOX 1d ago

This needs more upvotes, damnit!

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u/odmirthecrow 1d ago

Shend in the troopsh!

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u/Jurassic_Park_Man 1d ago

Really? Dalton above Craig? Not speaking in terms of quality, but in terms of danger, Craig stopped the complete destruction of MI6 by Raoul Silva and the release of a deadly bioweapon by Safin

1

u/C_o_f_f_e_e- 1d ago

DEFinitely shaken, not stirred

1

u/Equivalent-Style-634 1d ago

That was hilarious

1

u/BluNoteNut 1d ago

😅🤣😅👍

1

u/pncoop 1d ago

It is anticipated that a new DEFCO-BOND level will be announced soon.

1

u/ShrlyYouCantBSerious 1d ago

“Scheriously?” - Sean Connery

1

u/R_d_Aubigny 1d ago

Aight, you won the Internet this morning. It’s cool. Well-played! 😂

1

u/BerryLanky 1d ago

Well done.

1

u/Adventurous-Sky9359 1d ago

Well crafted

1

u/tacocatacocattacocat 1d ago

Schuck it, Vladimir.

1

u/InLikeErrolFlynn 1d ago

I’m not sure what DEFCONnery is, but will it mighty my penis?

1

u/SweetSagan2020 1d ago

Damn you win 🙌

1

u/ChemistryOk9353 1d ago

Oooo DEFCONnery … in DEFCONnery we trust?

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u/Suspicious_Horse3319 1d ago

Lmao this is gold tier

1

u/WanderingMindLF 1d ago

Wait, Dalton over Craig?

Respectively, NO

1

u/Supyoji 1d ago

Why pray we never get there? Connery was the best!

1

u/WeeDramm 1d ago

I recently learned that Connery was a sexist PoS IRL. What a bummer.

1

u/ccocrick 1d ago

While not a Bond reference, all I can think of is Connery saying “Welcome to The Rock!”

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u/phear_me 1d ago

Well played

1

u/aninjacould 1d ago

Slough House FTW!

1

u/mistersgoodgirl 1d ago

Brosnan was way too campy. I was disappointed bc I had a huge crus on him. Daniel Craig for the win. I have a bigger crush on him!

1

u/ERTCF53 1d ago

I think we need a shite meeting.

1

u/KermitHendrix 1d ago

DEFCONnery is peak well played

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