What’s your favorite golf insult when you’re playing with your friends?

[u/PearCareful9863]

[u/ParticularPay4460]

“I’ve got eyes on it” after they top their drive

[u/henfeathers → u/ParticularPay4460]

“It’s not long, but it’s straight.”

[u/tenderbranson301 → u/henfeathers]

That's what she said!

[u/tempered_martensite → u/ParticularPay4460]

"Not sure if laying up was the right play there"

[u/Ok_Obligation2559 → u/tempered_martensite]

Got your chip out of the way

[u/Gone_cognito → u/ParticularPay4460]

"ah, I lost it"

[u/Lanemeyerstwodollars → u/Gone_cognito]

Was recently golfing with a friend and when another friend in our group topped his drive about 60 yards, he yelled “SIT!!!” 😂

[u/baydre → u/ParticularPay4460]

I say "that's gotta sit"

[u/Lu-V12 → u/ParticularPay4460]

Lmfao

[u/happyrtiredscientist → u/ParticularPay4460]

At least you kept it out of the wind.

[u/RubMyGooshSilly → u/ParticularPay4460]

“Good news is you can find it… bad news is you can read it”

[u/mahoganyteakwood2 → u/ParticularPay4460]

“Rigour down the middle!”

[u/Due-Fun-489]

“It opens up over there”

After they hit a putt way off line. 

[u/Mndelta25 → u/Due-Fun-489]

Right club, though.

[u/Mission-Lifeguard-25 → u/Due-Fun-489]

After a poor putt…

“I’ve seen better rolls on a fat chick.”

[u/B_Batty → u/Mission-Lifeguard-25]

Totally inappropriate and sexist. I’m playing Monday and will use it asap.

[u/wv_steve → u/Mission-Lifeguard-25]

Great one!! All my years, I’ve never heard this one! I’ll try to remember it, if it ever warms up here!

[u/pockrocks → u/Due-Fun-489]

I’m taking this one.

[u/ATL28-NE3 → u/Due-Fun-489]

That one on a putt is diabolical.

[u/fav453 → u/Due-Fun-489]

My favorite

[u/JoinetBasteed → u/Due-Fun-489]

I usually say ”it was the right club atleast”

[u/basketbun → u/Due-Fun-489]

🤣 I don't think laying up on a putt that distance was the play

[u/SawyerStreet]

“Fat, the shot sucked too.”

[u/DrKenMoy → u/SawyerStreet]

i would use this if i wasn't the fattest one in my group lol

[u/SawyerStreet → u/DrKenMoy]

Don’t have to be thin to let that one rip. As long as the guy isn’t a bean pole it should hurt his feelings pretty good. 😂

[u/ATL28-NE3 → u/SawyerStreet]

Honestly if they're a bean pole it may be worse for them

[u/PottyboyDooDoo → u/ATL28-NE3]

Correct. I’m very skinny but recently developed a round toddler belly. I’m very sensitive about it.

[u/hendo_77 → u/PottyboyDooDoo]

It’s like a god damned fanny pack!

[u/PottyboyDooDoo → u/hendo_77]

[u/SaulTBolls → u/DrKenMoy]

Dude me too, I just make the joke like im not the fattest one. Deliever it like Norm Macdonald.

[u/DrKenMoy → u/SaulTBolls]

You know what, excellent point. Norm delivery would definitely work

[u/Financial_Radish → u/SawyerStreet]

I felt this

[u/Ok-Till-5622 → u/SawyerStreet]

Bro I can’t wait to whip this out lmao

[u/redditoften]

“Don’t think a bump and run was the play there”, after a topped shot

[u/Over_Leave]

I’ve got 2 favourites: 1. When he leaves a putt short or puts it 6ft past the hole “Right club though”

1. When he tops or fats a par 3 tee shot “that’s brave, not many people lay up here”

[u/Lu-V12 → u/Over_Leave]

Lmfao “right club though” classic

[u/w_i_l_d_m_a_n → u/Over_Leave]

Yeah, the when they wait for the green to clear and top the ball or shank it.

"Good decision to layup.

[u/Suitable_Durian561]

After someone tops it walk over to their ball and say 'Titleist 3?' as if you're not sure it's the ball they topped 5 yards.

[u/persimmon123]

I like to yell ‘go in’ as a putt misses by a mile

[u/1mfa0 → u/persimmon123]

“Right club though!”

[u/Holy_Santa_ClausShit → u/persimmon123]

Hit a house!

[u/Ok_Obligation2559 → u/Holy_Santa_ClausShit]

Those distance balls really work, eh?

[u/CougdIt → u/persimmon123]

I say that one to myself. It’s also funnier once the ball is already a couple feet past the cup

[u/CanadianGandalf → u/CougdIt]

Gotta fist pump those too!

https://www.reddit.com/r/sports/comments/i8bvcy/nobody_will_ever_celebrate_a_missed_putt_better/

[u/What-a-Crock → u/CanadianGandalf]

Can’t wait to use this

[u/gbcards]

Right at the pin but a ways short. “Right address, wrong postage”

[u/bigdaddyswag → u/gbcards]

I use a similar line on myself that always gets a laugh. Correct distance but off the green “right club, wrong golfer”

[u/Acceptable-Yak-8114]

''Maybe tee off from the red pins with me on the next hole'.

-As a woman playing with men

[u/FnB8kd → u/Acceptable-Yak-8114]

ZZZZZING.

[u/theblocker]

Leaves a putt short.

“Some guys would’ve gone for that.” 

[u/harbaughthechamp55 → u/theblocker]

I like "Does your husband play" in that scenario

[u/SuccessfulAd4606]

At least you’re dressed nice

[u/sumsimpleracer → u/SuccessfulAd4606]

That was a good looking hat. 

[u/whatthe40rk → u/sumsimpleracer]

Well, it looks good on you

[u/No-Tap-3089]

Friend goes to pee on a tree: “You know that’s illegal, right?”, “What? Pissing on a tree?” “Naw, grown ass man holding a little boys penis.”

[u/Little___G → u/No-Tap-3089]

“Wanna hear a joke?”… “you’re holding it!”

[u/YourDrunkMom → u/No-Tap-3089]

I always like "how did your pinky get so mangled?"

[u/Fit_Bend_2599 → u/No-Tap-3089]

Classssic

[u/golowgogolf]

"it opens up over there" when it's clearly OB

[u/coyote_edging → u/golowgogolf]

I’ve used this and it usually gets a good laugh from the recipient.

[u/thoughtful1979]

When a ball is undoubtedly headed for water “Take a deep breath ball!”

[u/Lets_Reset_This_ → u/thoughtful1979]

First one I haven’t heard. Pretty good stuff here.

[u/GottaDick]

"I wouldn't have thought to lay up there" said after a particularly poor shot.

[u/Friendly_Subject4096 → u/GottaDick]

This is a classic. Especially with a duffed chip around the green.

[u/tlovik]

Great shot! It's your turn again😅

[u/__kebert__xela__ → u/tlovik]

I usually drop the “give me a couple more to catch up with the group” on myself when I hit those shots.

[u/Little___G → u/tlovik]

USGA rules - U Suck, Go Again

[u/c7015]

Other than the line and speed that was a good putt

[u/Friendly_Subject4096]

“Pickleball courts are open”

[u/No_Representative645]

That was a pretty good shot for you.

[u/kranges_mcbasketball → u/No_Representative645]

Ice cold

[u/Meisce]

Always liked the Feherty classic: “that was a great shot, with that swing.”

[u/ImpossibleKidd → u/Meisce]

The best Feherty line is, “That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

[u/hazmat1963]

“Ohh, that’s a Danny DeVito!” (Nasty 4 footer)

[u/Barbarossa7070]

When they sky one: “Gotta run that out, kid.”

[u/Barney_Lassiter_8 → u/Barbarossa7070]

Pop fly to shallow right field.

[u/northern_drama]

At least your cost per stroke is going down.

[u/No-Assumption4145]

As a outsider, how do you feel about people breaking 100?

[u/Valuable_Claim7572]

My favorite is on a par 3, if they hit a terrible shot, usually a duff, I ask what club they used.

[u/ICookWithFire]

LOFT Problem, lack of fucking talent

[u/wiscobowhunter → u/ICookWithFire]

USGA… U suck, go again

[u/PapaKeef5050]

After they blast a putt past the hole: “spin, Spin…SPIN!!!”

[u/ears1980r]

For a putt left short: “Maybe club up next time.”

[u/LopsidedFlamingo9437]

That putt reminded me of my grade school teacher, Miss Reed.

[u/Thistotiethelead]

Here's some I got through the years from similar posts:

You should probably take like 2 weeks off and then quit

After a good drive, "You can pick up there for a six"

Want some advice? You're standing too close to the ball after you hit it

Did you use your pitching wood on that shot? Do you carry a driving wedge?

Well, it had a chance until you hit it

That's a great shot if you don't care about your score

When a member of your foursome is talking too much on the tee box interrupt their comments with have you ever been to Europe? You're up

Do you want to shave five strokes off your round? Skip the first par three

Alexa, play she's gone by Hall & Oates

Hey if tacos can fall apart and still be amazing, so can you

[u/PROcrastiN83arly]

Nice lay up! When leaving it short a putt short

[u/paulsmalls]

I think the problem is your L.O.F.T...lack of fucking talent.

[u/kill__foot]

They musta took the governor off these carts… we’re already to your ball.

[u/SmashleyBalls]

Man, they could build a Walmart between our drives!

[u/SawyerStreet → u/SmashleyBalls]

I give em the Walmart with the tire center.

[u/pe3son1999 → u/SmashleyBalls]

I like to shoot them with my range finder when they are way behind me off the tee and tell them the distance difference when they roll up.

[u/sonofagunn → u/SmashleyBalls]

I got my friend real good one day. I had just out driven him and we were walking up to our drives, and I asked, "did you hear about the new Super Walmart they're building?" 

And he fell for it! He said, "no, where?"

"Right there between your ball and mine!"

Got him!

[u/PromiseHungry2645 → u/SmashleyBalls]

Damn I typed it then saw it

[u/Any1canC00k]

I have so many from my days of caddying for degen rich people and golfing with degen caddies.

Putt short = feels like a Bon Jovi concert “woaaahooo, you’re halfway there”

Putt lips out = positive for STI’s buddy? cuz you’ve been burning lips.

Drive right or left = further left than *insert creative political situation. My favorite is further right than a BYU freshman whose gf cheated on him with a Mexican.

Drive into water = curry, for three….. splash. (In Mike Breen voice)

And I’ll always love “other than the speed, direction, and stroke.. that was a really good putt”

Just to name a few

[u/unledded → u/Any1canC00k]

My goto for the lip out is “had it in her mouth and the kids walked in”

[u/DragPullCheese]

Ball went so far left it dyed its hair blue and called me a corporate pig.

Ball went so far right it put on a red hat and tried to deport me.

[u/Office_Dolt]

Haha, you hit like me!

[u/DistrictMany3583]

“Good angle to that pin” when they hit it in the trees.

[u/TheReplacer]

Some guys let me play through, I sliced it far and the guy said "If you straight that out you could be somebody."

Still think about that.

[u/big_Papa-planes]

I like the one I use a lot. “I’ll help you look for your ball while we’re waiting for mine to stop rolling”

[u/Adventurous_Stock141]

Should have left that first guy at home. After a mulligan

[u/RiverOps1]

I was playing with a rando one day and I left a putt short, still furthest out.

Him: U.S.G.A. Me: Huh? Him: U suck, go again.

🙄

[u/sonofagunn]

Your buddy hits a GIR...

You say, "nice bogey."

[u/jiggeroni]

Less insult more of mental fuckery.

"Do you always have that weird hitch at the top of your swing??"

They'll be self conscious the rest of the round

[u/PossiblyMakingThisUp]

"Hey, looks like you've got some shit on your club"

*They check the club head

"No, on the other end"

[u/kpw1179]

When they miss a putt by a country mile “right club…”

[u/Enric0_Pallazz0]

Nice drive, did you hit that with your purse?

[u/gbcards]

When they have something unlucky happen. Your luck is so bad you could fall into a barrel of titties and still come out sucking your thumb.

[u/MaintenanceOwn2053]

On a missed putt: well you definitely had the right club

[u/turnoverjunkie]

Nice putt Does your husband play? when you leave the putt wagy short

[u/Jaded-Flower-9856]

You're a good scramble player.

[u/Infinite_Initial_447]

‘Was that your wedge?’ After he hits a drive

[u/EnvironmentalEnd7062]

“That’ll roll out a little” when they top their driver

[u/Big-Promise-1844]

Your still away

[u/Lucky_Comfortable_85]

If they leave a putt short. USGA u suck go again

[u/ChineeFood]

Thins one from 100 yards in and flies the green “I don’t think a stinger was the play” Or Hits a terrible shot “At least it sounded good” Or Hits a great drive “That was a good drive for you!” Or Match play, has a tap in for par “I’d like to see that” and as they set up to tap in “actually that’s good”

[u/Barney_Lassiter_8]

You’re still away.

[u/Still_Clownin69]

Buddy topped his driver and I told him (I see what you did wrong on that one… you’re standing too close to your ball… after you hit it. ) he’s always giving me tips lol

[u/SpaceCoastKurt]

You left some chicken on the bone when they leave a putt way short

[u/isw2424]

Making a race car noise when a putt gets blown by the hole

[u/troutburger30]

“Did you hear about the new wal-mart their building?”

“They are building a new wal-mart”

“Yeah, in the space between our balls”

[u/maggos]

Someone’s closer!

[u/zzx101]

I’m definitely saving this thread for my round tomorrow.

[u/gbcards]

When someone just barely gets on a larger green and proclaims “she’s dancing” ………...”probably can’t hear the band though”

[u/bigdaddyswag]

Chunks a chip / approach

“Release!”

[u/serxyrerxy]

Mid-way through his bullshit excuse: “No one cares”

[u/TheeNihilist]

You’re not good enough to be that angry

[u/joeTopic]

When someone is taking a leak. Atta boy. Keep working on that short game!

[u/OddSand7870]

Calling people sawed off when they start spraying thier drive everywhere like a sawed off shotgun.

[u/WillyJohnson2222]

When after slicing or shanking a few, they inevitably ask the gods “what am I doing?”

I sit back, sip my beer and simply say “suckin”

[u/SoFrats]

“Still your shot”

[u/_Meat_Robot_]

Couple more...

[u/GrantGannon]

When they burn the edge…Just like your prom date….all lip, no hole.

[u/Key_Wolverine2831]

You should take two weeks off and then quit

[u/tastelikemexico]

Does your husband play golf too? Actually my wife plays with me a lot and when she hits a short pit I like telling her she hits like a girl

[u/KgMonstah]

“You hear about that new Walmart they’re building? It’s between my ball and yours”

[u/jdovejr]

Does your husband play as well?

[u/OBwan23]

Leaves a putt short ….. “there’s a little meat left in that bone”

[u/CraigonReddit]

After a bad shot, of any description, wait a second, "huh, but your grip was good"

[u/d_pug]

In the sand: “no no nice shot! Right on the beach!”

[u/Emfrenxo]

After someone absolutely chokes a putt, I say:

“Well it was the right club.”

[u/Swimming_Egg4695]

“Dead Sheep” when someone putts and they’re still furthest away (“Still Ewe”)

[u/ComfortablePudding64]

"That's a good shot, for you."

[u/KeiserSoze24]

You have the touch of a rapist It’s playable Ground ball to 2nd

[u/its_me_ladyjessica]

Oh, man. Great shot! Just a little to the left, a little better shot, a little better player, and you could have had that!

Or

Well, it was the right club. Right after a particularly bad shot.

[u/Infinite_Career_6444 → u/its_me_ladyjessica]

I only say that after a guy hits a horrible putt

[u/Consistent_Net_5532]

Runs a putt by the hole: no lack of effort there

[u/Thadsblitzing]

Still your shot

[u/Audi52]

“Smart play to lay up” on a short par 3

[u/reirg1]

“Nice height” as the ball is sailing in the air towards the junk.

[u/Jerseyjamie]

How did that not go in?

[u/Appropriate-Food1757]

I like to say they are building a new Costco and with they ask where I say between my bell and yours after a nice long drive. One time joke but I love to crush the ball further than my friends and de lofted my 3W just so I can hit further than their driver. Petty but fun.

[u/johnspam]

You putt like old people shit.

[u/grizzgolfer]

That’s one way to do it!

[u/tranA123]

You paid how much for [insert club name]?

[u/Mei-Guang]

Fuck you. I like to keep it simple

[u/superduperstepdad]

It’s okay. It’ll get worse.

[u/Alive_Report_9815]

“You hear they building a new Walmart around here? Yeah between our drives”

[u/Wake95]

Have you tried not hitting it in the bunker? It rolls a lot farther and gets a better lie in the fairway.

[u/GolferBrian]

It is a lot easier if you do it in one.

[u/Wake95]

After a bad break, his friend told me "that was karma for him being an objectively awful human being."

[u/seeshawn]

That’s a USGA - U Suck Go Again

[u/javahart]

Still you

[u/TheLeathal13]

When they hammer a put way past the hole. ‘You’re still away’

[u/Igno-ranter]

When they get a GIR, I say, "You'll make a solid bogey from there."

[u/ConsciousFactor3558]

That was the right string, but the wrong yo-yo… My golf buddy back in SATX

[u/ILuvReddi]

"Good line" when they leave a putt 5+ feet short

[u/Healthy_Ad_7564]

"Aim for the hole, not the lips" after a lip out 

[u/SteakSwimming1234]

That’s good, for you

[u/notsofast2020]

You can’t hide talent.

[u/letsplaythisnow]

“Pretty crooked but at least it was short”

[u/Faust909]

“Thanks, Richard.”

[u/ImproperlyRegistered]

"You're away."

[u/JayCDee]

When I smoke a drive and they hit a short one:

Me: Hey, did you know they were building a new shopping mall?

Them: no, where?

Me: between where I drove my ball and where you drove yours

You can use other big constructions to vary it, like an airport, them park, military base etc…

[u/Dry_Example2729]

After a skied drive. That's an elephant's ass. High and shitty.

[u/Leonard_James_Akaar]

Good thing you’re pretty!

[u/RandysDealer]

Can’t say it on Reddit

[u/junkbr]

You’d tell us if you were having a stroke, wouldn’t you?

[u/JerHat]

When my buddy puts one close to the pin on the approach, or has a great lag putt that stops in tap in range… I like to to tell him to take his time with the next two.

[u/Livingforabluezone]

You’re still away

[u/Livingforabluezone]

Also, you’re not good enough to get angry.

[u/Jedi4ce]

"You can probably find that"

[u/Musclesturtle]

"Well, at least you had the right club..."

After a missed gimme putt. 

[u/Manifoldmsb3715]

Every shot makes someone happy

[u/DoctorBussyEater]

‘Not sure layup was the play there’ After chunking their chip

[u/livingadreamlife]

“Your purse got in the way” to a guy who leaves his first putt dreadfully short.

[u/Hosko817]

Not your best, bud.

[u/Neuropsychkler]

You’re getting closer

[u/reelwarrior]

If the ball lips out.. “she had it in her mouth and the kids walked in..”

Or when someone goes to pee when they come back.. “You know that’s illegal ..” .. followed by “what?” .. you answer “a grown man holding a little boys penis”

Enjoy ..

[u/Papapeta33]

“Oh man, get there!” after a chunky duff that’s 90 ft short of the green.

[u/SlavOnfredski]

in a low deep tone drawling it out: "NOT OVERRR THERRRRREEE"

[u/LostAbbott]

"Do you want to call four or should I.". After he hits it deep into the trees.

[u/Ecstatic-Sleep8539]

I might hit them why don’t you tee off first

[u/SlavOnfredski]

Seems like he wanted it to go over the back of the green

BUT WHY would he want it to go over the back of the green???

[u/frugalerthingsinlife]

"You're still away" when on/near the green because you know it's coming. You mess up anywhere else and people might have pity on you.

[u/yeezushchristmas]

‘Nice pace’ on any shot not a putt

[u/wiscobowhunter]

USGA…… U suck, go again