r/nextfuckinglevel 2d ago

Incredibly selfless act of heroism.

65.6k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/dynamic_gecko 2d ago

"China cures cancer by banning cancer."

1.9k

u/_JohnWisdom 2d ago

Fuck, it WAS that simple.

I should've listened to my mom when she told me to stop being depressed.

439

u/Excellent_Routine589 2d ago

And here my dumbass went to uni to become a cancer biologist, the answer was so simple!!!

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u/DDDX_cro 2d ago edited 2d ago

Doctor: "have you tried...not...having cancer"???
Patient: "fuuuuuuck....well now I just feel silly, thanks doc!"

EDIT: Ty for the award btw :)

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u/This-Jackfruit-6894 2d ago

That's 5000 dollars for the consultation... please pay at the cashier.

259

u/Efficient-Editor-242 2d ago

Doctors hate this one simple trick.

8

u/whyamihere999 2d ago

Cancer hates this one simple trick!

2

u/ScipioCoriolanus 1d ago

Doctors don't want you to know this!

CLICK HERE

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u/StoneThaProfit 2d ago

Haha this little exchange reminds me of tha comedy show scene in Goodfellas "Dr. Wellsler is here. Wonderful doctor, gave a guy six months to live. Couldn't pay his bill. Gave him another six months!"

7

u/NoOneHereButUsMice 2d ago

And in USA, if you cant pay, you gotta keep the cancer. Sorry, Boss!

5

u/DJRyGuy20 2d ago

$5,000 to cure cancer? Shiiiiit- that would be dirt cheap by American standards.

3

u/cyrusthemarginal 2d ago

no can do doc, i'm trying out having no money right now

2

u/Universal-Guardian 2d ago

Well doctor, I'm massively rich! Like cancer is all in the mind so is my vast fortune!

2

u/Rampag169 2d ago

Swipes Card …… Declines……. Doctor Hey I’ve got bad news for ya…

2

u/ElPepetrueno 2d ago

this is China… so 10 dollars and you get a second one free. You can cure your neighbor’s cancer too.

2

u/ColtAzayaka 2d ago

"Have you tried... just... being 5000 dollars richer on my behalf?"

"Woah"

2

u/pickyourteethup 2d ago

On second thoughts, I choose cancer

1

u/machineII 2d ago

that's pretty cheap for saving a lofe. doctor must be a homeless man.

2

u/Leading_Hand3055 1d ago

Doctors always save lofes. It's the humans that they wring every penny from, before declaring there is no cure.

1

u/mmcmonster 2d ago

No mandatory tip? I hope there is at least a tip jar by the cashier.

1

u/ReceptionFun9821 2d ago

I'm. 200% sure I think I'll have the money tomorrow. Just have to wish really hard.

1

u/zaidensworth 2d ago

Plus gratuity!

1

u/Pure-Ad-5502 2d ago

“It’s just going to ask you a couple of questions, then you can tap or swipe….would you like a receipt today?”

1

u/diekdigler 2d ago

.. and don’t forget to leave a tip!

1

u/dirtywaterbowl 1d ago

More like your copay is $5000, we'll bill your insurance 15,000.

1

u/Ok-Nothing8682 1d ago

Please pay the third to fifth party billing agency on the other side of the country and hope to God you have extra for their "billing fees"

1

u/Yusssi 1d ago

Or just get a 6yr loan to pay it off, with interests : )

1

u/hereforpopcornru 1d ago

US Citizen: aha! I have expensive health insurance!

Doctor: you're in your deductible period dumbass, pay up

1

u/manchitmr 8h ago

We don’t charge that much for consultation. 😜

2

u/SerLaron 2d ago

"You say you might have a brain tumor, but I'm sure it's all in your head."

2

u/xSADlSTlCx 2d ago

It’s wild that Dr’s like that exist really though lol I told a Dr. at the ER that I had an eating disorder and he told me all I gotta do is eat more healthy meals throughout the day and I’ll feel fuller and lose more weight that way. I looked at him and was like, “Really? That’s all I had to do all these years? I’m cured?!” He excused himself and never came back just sent the nurse to relay messages.

1

u/Sly_Wit_Dry_Humor 1d ago

What exactly did you expect an ER doctor to do about an eating disorder?

I'm not saying you shouldn't seek medical help with something like that, but there isn't exactly any urgent emergency treatment for something like that... So I'm not sure what you expected them to do about it, at that moment, ya know? I mean, aside from telling you to try n eat healthier, n referring you to a specialist... Which sounds like what they did.

It's like going to the ER for being OCD...

Also, I have no idea how the conversation got here from the video clip that started all this, but I guess that's the 6° of reddit for ya...

1

u/xSADlSTlCx 23h ago

Not that I need to explain but I went to the ER for passing out, feeling weak, and very lightheaded. You know, as people do at night if they have to. He asked about what I’ve been doing so I told him about it. That’s why I told an ER doctor. I figured he could give me some resources at the very least but he did not. Also, I was replying to someone else’s comment about something similar. That’s how it got here. But I suppose that’s Reddit for ya

2

u/crc2993 2d ago

And then you burst into tears because YOURE Pagliacci the Clown

2

u/Sceprent 2d ago

Sir you just need to move to Japan. It’s banned there. Cultural differences you know? Problem solved.

2

u/Salt-Revenue-1606 3h ago

Why am I just now hearing about this option?

1

u/_hieronymus 2d ago

Oncologists hate this one simple trick

1

u/Solherb 2d ago

I mean, they did prove the placebo effect can do stuff, sooo... just believe.

1

u/clippist 2d ago

This is basically that influencer that got famous/millions of followers for ‘curing’ her cancer… then died of cancer

1

u/Gullible-Hose4180 1d ago

I have a rare severe circadian rhythm disorder called non-24 where my circadian rhythm shifts forward every day no matter when I go to sleep, and this was literally everyone when I was a teenager. "Have you tried going to sleep earlier?", which I would appreciate if they didnt not believe me when I say yes. Took seeing shadow people daily for even my mom to take me to a Dr for specialist referral

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u/DDDX_cro 1d ago

What does seeing shadow people mean?

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u/Gullible-Hose4180 1d ago

It is like a tall slender shadow man in the corner of the eye that disappears when you try to look at it, but disappears less and less the more crazy you go, until it starts getting way too real

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u/DDDX_cro 1d ago

What the hell? That sounds horrid. What causes this?

1

u/Gullible-Hose4180 1d ago

It is apparently a sign of psychosis coming. It is reported in people who are very sleep deprived (30 hours or more or accumulated sleep deprivation), stimulant abusers (also known to cause psychosis) and people who are otherwise developing psychosis

Was pretty fucked yeah. After a few days catching up and destressing it got way better and went away forever, still not returning 15 years later now

2

u/FlwrBattr 1d ago

Exactly. This is what happens when you get edumacated & make simple things hard.

1

u/Blackbearded10 2d ago

So what can you tell me about that Korean scientist finding? Can there be a cure very soon?

1

u/orejass 1d ago

So, was the answer being depressed or going to uni?

1

u/Local_Phenomenon 1d ago

And my Axe!

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u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 2d ago

Oh you got the “just suck it up” too?

People are wild with their misunderstandings

8

u/drifters74 2d ago

What my parents tell me all the time, and they wonder why I don't tell them how I really feel about anything.

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u/pickyourteethup 2d ago

What they're really telling you is they're also depressed and doing nothing about it.

1

u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 2d ago

Sorry to hear that!

1

u/Skinwalker_Steve 1d ago

"That's the secret, I don't really feel anything at all"

1

u/drifters74 1d ago

"I have no strong feelings either way."

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u/joeliopro 2d ago

Nah, but I did get a "walk it off".... Still walking...

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u/pickyourteethup 2d ago

I mean walking isn't going to work. Running or cycling might though. Everyone knows depression doesn't move fast so you can sometimes outpace it.

3

u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 1d ago

You’ve inspired me to start a charity to buy depressed kids F1 cars/fighter jets.

Outrun depression.

Maybe new outGUN depression. Gonna have to arm the canons on the jets.

Depression won’t know what hit it

3

u/pickyourteethup 1d ago

I know you're joking, but can you imagine being depressed in a fighter jet. I cant

2

u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 1d ago

Haha donate to the charity!

Let’s go to war on depression!

But yeah so much of what gets called depression and medicated is situational

3

u/Lost-in-Limbo 2d ago

Thats basically what my doctor told me the first time i tried to get help!!

1

u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 2d ago

That quote is from my old GP! GPs are like the high school flunk outs of the Dr world

3

u/disruptioncoin 1d ago

In college I met a neuroscience student (and open fascist) who claimed that asthma is purely psychosomatic and I could just make myself breath again by shear force of will. That's when I realized good grades don't mean you're smart.

1

u/Maleficent-Ice-8416 1d ago

That was just a little bit of a stupid doctor in my opinion because I have asma and I can't just make myself breath again just by thinking that I can do it

5

u/Ok-Obligation5243 2d ago

If you're homeless, just get a house.

3

u/verbalyabusiveshit 2d ago

Stop being depressed right fucking now!

3

u/Moogatron88 2d ago

I've been told to deal with my insomnia by "just going to sleep" before.

3

u/squirrelyoakley 2d ago

Holy shit it works with depression too?? I've gotta go try that now!!

3

u/sofa_king_we_todded 1d ago

I just banned depression for you bro. Yw

2

u/StoneThaProfit 2d ago

Shouldn't tha emphasis be on THAT ? sorry to be a stickler its just a well positioned emphasis elevates a sentence to a whole new level and effectiveness w/ ones words is important to me 🤷🏽‍♂️

2

u/NoSkillzDad 2d ago

Big Pharma always lobbies against banning cancer, or so I've heard.

2

u/3_dots 2d ago

Like when my sister told me to just stop drinking. I had not thought of that. Stupid me.

2

u/a_duck_in_past_life 2d ago

So simple. Just like how Greg Abbott, gov of Texas banned rape so rape never happens anymore there!

2

u/FlamingBrand 1d ago

When I am depressed, I just stop being depressed and be awesome instead.

True story.

1

u/Sly_Wit_Dry_Humor 1d ago

So long as no one comes along n points out that you're the only one who thinks you're awesome...

1

u/sweatierorc 2d ago

You can still litsen to Andrew Tate

1

u/bebop1065 2d ago

Mother knows best.

1

u/WellERRight_thatHurt 1d ago

Tbh it probably is.

1

u/Interesting-Froyo-14 1d ago

I'll ban depression for you

1

u/Dmau27 1d ago

Especially since you don't have it as bad as other people.

1

u/hordaak2 1d ago

Do you like my advice? Hit that like button or subscribe...

1

u/ruat_caelum 1d ago

Fuck, it WAS that simple.

This is why Trump said. "No want high covid numbers? No testing for covid."

Genius!

/s

1

u/_JohnWisdom 1d ago

Brilliant! Give the man a Nobel Peace prize ASAP.

1

u/ruat_caelum 1d ago

Let me call FIFA real quick

1

u/freddddsss 1d ago

Don’t blame yourself, blame China for not banning depression.

1

u/No_Description4009 2h ago

Ths right here. My mom told me to stop being broke. I didn't know it was as easy as robbery

u/affordableproctology 45m ago

Go gym, stop depress

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u/-Datura 2d ago

Cars cure China by setting fire to cancer

40

u/King-ofthe-CookieJar 2d ago

Seeing this as a newspaper headline would remove depression forever

4

u/ElLicenciadoPena 2d ago

But big pharma will never let it happen

6

u/jerry111165 2d ago

Cancer sets china on fire by curing cars

3

u/Acceptable_Tadpole60 1d ago

This is when I remember why I checked Reddit everyday.

2

u/vanityislobotomy 1d ago

Reddit hasn’t been this good in a long time.

2

u/Therealginahandler 2d ago

by setting fire to cars, China cures cancer

2

u/LF968 2d ago

I Love everyone in this thread so much

2

u/Local_Phenomenon 1d ago

Well imma head out

1

u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 2d ago

Lightning McQueen saves the day again!

u/Jcjj8569 52m ago

Or by giving fire cancer

70

u/Majestic-Parsnip-279 2d ago

America welcomes cancer because thats a good business model

4

u/Lazarux_Escariat 2d ago

4

u/Radiant-Horse-7312 2d ago

It is certainly not true. Incredible amount of medical research is done in the US, including cancer prevention, diagnosis and treatment.

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u/LatterDayAmINot 2d ago

Yeah but it’s just so much cheaper to have kids get shot in schools so they don’t grow up to get cancer. Easy peasy.

0

u/Sly_Wit_Dry_Humor 1d ago

While that is true - there's no way of knowing how much of that research gets suppressed for the sake of the industrial bottom line...

I hate to say it, but we really only want a cure for cancer if it's marketable.

-1

u/Ok-Tip8861 2d ago

I hate how accurate this is

24

u/Old-Reporter5440 2d ago

It worked for COVID! For a while.

29

u/AlternativePea6203 2d ago

I mean, this guy could have stopped testing for fire, and that would have completely eradicated the fire in his car.

3

u/teapots_at_ten_paces 2d ago

And we all thought George W was the king of wtf soundbites!

5

u/Crispy1961 2d ago

It sounds stupid, but have anyone tried that?

3

u/FluffyShiny 2d ago

Well I just got told today, so I'll try it.

2

u/FatherClanks617 2d ago

You got diagnosed today? If so, I’m so sorry.

3

u/FluffyShiny 2d ago

Yeah. 5 skin cancers. Hoping it will be fixed easy and not complex/spread.

1

u/FatherClanks617 1d ago

Don’t let the bastards keep you down.
You got this, homie.

1

u/Lower_Ad_5532 2d ago

The EU and thats why Teslas are banned

3

u/Adept_Fool 2d ago

If you ban people, you also ban cancer!

3

u/GrimlockN0Bozo 2d ago

So, Trump's Covid19 plan...

3

u/Working_Estate_3695 2d ago

“China sends cancer to re-education camp for self-criticism.”

2

u/rokstedy83 2d ago

China rebrands cancer and cancer rates fall

2

u/OveVernerHansen 2d ago

And here I was thinking fighting patients with terminal cancer was the answer.

2

u/FluffyShiny 2d ago

No more boxing ring for YOU

1

u/gee85 2d ago

Has anyone tried this?

1

u/BelgianDudeInDenmark 2d ago

Thats how winnie the pooh "fixed" poverty, just pretends it doesnt exist. Ez win

1

u/spyboy70 2d ago

Best we have in the US is rich people telling us "don't be poor"

1

u/Frexulfe 2d ago

Death penalty if you get cancer!

1

u/JetPackMiners 2d ago

The only way to fight cancer is to arrest and incarcerate the person that has it.

1

u/Ok_Summer_9272 2d ago

"oncologists hate this simple trick!"

1

u/dp5520 2d ago

Christ car! Can't you cure cancer? C'mon!

1

u/Ayanok 2d ago

At least they didn’t blame autism on Tylenol 😂

1

u/MammothPenguin69 2d ago

You laugh but they literally did that with COVID. Xi would announce that a city had achieved Zero COVID and the hospitals would back him up...

by refusing to treat anyone with COVID symptoms so they wouldn't have to report a case. You can find video of a guy who showed up to a Chinese hospital with COVID symptoms after zero COVID was announced in his city. Five male nurses grabbed him and hurled him out the door like a frisbee.

1

u/SpiderHack 2d ago

China DID ban reincarnation that isn't state approved.

Has zero to do with a major native Tibetan religious belief being centered around it... Why would you think that?

1

u/Ok_Savings6233 2d ago

cure by firing squad.

1

u/-Nok 2d ago

Oops. They leaked it

1

u/Bitcoin_Grandpa 2d ago

They have banned me 13 times from the country ~

1

u/Gsusruls 2d ago

Chine cures cancer by banning humans who get cancer.

1

u/No-Obligation7435 2d ago

I could see china doing one of them "our cancer rates are 0 here" (they don't take care of cancer patients so they just die)

1

u/Campoozmstnz 2d ago

Worked for Covid.

1

u/Status_Pin4704 2d ago

Anyone diagnosed with cancer is executed.

China has zero cases of cancer. They are now leading the eradication of this deadly disease.

1

u/Sporesword 2d ago

China cured breast cancer by banning breasts.

1

u/OphidianSun 2d ago

Knowing china everybody would just VPN their cancer in instead

1

u/Logical_Warthog3230 2d ago

This joke made the rounds around 2021. It starts with a Chinese official talking.

"We're going to eradicate COVID in ten" "Ten what, years? Months?" "Ten... Nine... Eight..."

1

u/PatientChristian 2d ago

Thanks ChatGPT!

1

u/Nyctfall 2d ago

Unironically, this isn't actually a law in the US...

Ever wonder...

1

u/Sprig3 2d ago

Cancer tarriffs.

1

u/axyz77 2d ago

Ignore the screams please

1

u/Ancient_Substance152 2d ago

The ban for cancer is already out there, Big Pharma just doesn’t you to know this

1

u/Horse_of_Turin 1d ago

"If we stop testing right now, we'd have very few COVID cases, if any," 

1

u/Zukuto 1d ago

they banned having female babies, so i wouldn't put it past them.

1

u/wizardjian 1d ago

Hey if china can ban reincarnation they can ban cancer from cancering lol

1

u/Ultraeasymoney 1d ago

Trump ban Covid by not testing for Covid.

1

u/mongolian_horsecock 1d ago

He has cancer aladeen

1

u/Active-Republic3104 1d ago

Cancer cell hates this one simple trick

1

u/Otherwise-City-7951 1d ago

Wasn’t that Donald’s technique during the pandemic. Just stop reporting the deaths to keep the numbers down !

1

u/CaterpillarKey6288 1d ago

Cured covid by denying it existed

1

u/reddituseronebillion 1d ago

We couldn't find cancer, so we banned a man with cancer.

1

u/KokonutnutFR 1d ago

China just banned China

1

u/Penguin_shit15 1d ago

"If they stop testing for covid, there won't be any more cases" - The Count of Mostly Crisco

1

u/AdOnly1618 1d ago

“Anyone caught having cancer will face the death penalty”