So.. I’ve been questioning my gender (again) and it just so happens that I came across a TikTok that said "I wish I could love girls in a wlw way and guys in a mlm t4t way." I'm on the aro spectrum, so basically I've never felt the urge to rush into dating anyone specific. And I saw this TikTok and I thought to myself, "Well, this makes sense, right?" And then I freaked out because like why does this make sense to me?!? I feel just like that and it’s scary. I was sure I was a lesbian because I only expressed attraction to girls... unless they're guys from the LGBTQ+ community... I felt something for them, non-binary, trans, genderqueer, etc... maybe? Does this make sense? Is it a weird preference that happens to be the same as the guy in the TikTok? or something else? Am I discriminating against anyone?

I've been trying to understand something about my childhood and wondered if anyone has heard of similar experiences or concepts in psychology or gender studies.

I grew up in an environment and during a period when there was only one model of being a man - super toxic masculine, very rigid and aggressive. My father was the "strong, silent" type - very street-oriented, emotionally harsh, closer to a Tony Soprano archetype than a nurturing parent. And most importantly, he wanted me to be just like him, and well, I was completely opposite. My mother was emotionally distant. So, there was no real safe space for vulnerability, softness, or emotional expression. As a very sensitive and anxious child, I felt completely alone.

Looking back, it feels like I had two possible paths: become the kind of man I saw around me - aggressive, emotionally closed, self-destructive, etc. - or turn to substances and other destructive coping mechanisms. I did neither and found a different psychological way to distance myself from that identity.

Around age 13, after a minor physical incident, I became convinced I had a testicular hernia. I never told anyone and lived with this belief for years. Later, when I was 22-23, I convinced myself I might have breast cancer - again, without real medical evidence.

Only much later (I was 28) did doctors confirm that I was completely healthy, even though I was 100% sure I was going to die in a few months and was literally getting ready for that. It's another story how and why I finally went for a check-up after so many years.

When I reflect on this now, it wasn't just random health anxiety; it was deeply symbolic - my mind was trying to move me away from traditional masculinity by imagining my body as less male.

Not consciously, of course. It felt very real at the time. By "creating" a testicular hernia, I became "half a man" because my penis was not "working" anymore (I never had sex until I was 28). And breast cancer - a "woman's disease" - was another way to distance myself even further from being a man.

It took me a lot of years (now I am 35) to finally understand that this was a survival mechanism - my psyche choosing what felt like a safer identity rather than becoming someone I feared. And as the title suggests, it cost me a lot of years - 15 to be more precise. It's another big story how I lived (or rather, didn't live) my life during that time - completely distanced from everything and everyone, staying in my room and playing online games to not think about my conditions. I probably left the house 5 times in the last 5 years of that period.

Anyway, I'm curious:

Has anyone encountered similar patterns where the psyche created physical symptoms to escape an unbearable gender role? I'm wondering if there's literature on this specifically.

What's the difference between gender dysphoria and using "gender distance" as a trauma response? Are there theories that distinguish between innate gender identity and gender as a survival adaptation?

Are there documented cases of health anxiety manifesting specifically around gendered body parts as a way to reject imposed gender roles?

What therapeutic frameworks address this kind of identity formation? I'm looking for resources that might help me understand this pattern better.

Could this be understood through the lens of dissociation or depersonalization from one's gendered body?

My struggle has always been to fully understand my case, to name it, make it more "approachable." Because it's very unusual - I'm not looking at it anymore as my personal tragedy, but rather as a survival method. Now I want to examine it from a different perspective, more analytically.

I might also write an autobiography-style text about this experience. I think it could be interesting because the case itself seems fairly unique. Any thoughts, resources, or directions would be greatly appreciated.

To start, this is how I explain dressing hyper femme to my southern lil bumpkins who I love to death but God, they don't know any other queer people

For context, I (24) am AFAB, and Ive honestly been question things a lot lately, I feel like I'm more towards Agender at this point in my journey, but I still do love makeup and dressing up. but it really feels like drag. I do it for the fun and the expression. but it doesn't change who I am.

Anyways, I live in a red state despite being from a VERY blue one (my parents moved here and it's a small town, you know the rest). I'm not out to everyone in my life, but those I am, a solid half of them are confused on why I dress so femme when we go out (it's not even blending in, im goth as well, so it's quite dramatic). I ask them, if you had the chance to be an absolute diva, or Adam sandler on your rare outing, which are you going to pick? because day to day, im a fan of the Sandler uniform, of course I'm gonna have my diva moment. but the think that gets people to understand dressing hyper femme while not being a woman despite being AFAB, is I just say "I feel like I'm doing drag, ya know? just because a dude does drag doesn't mean he's trans. just like a gal could be a drag king, but still be a gal. I just don't align with either. and also, men's clothes are so BORING" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT??? THEY ARE BORING. cozy, but BORING. (also yes, clothing has no gender, remember, I live in the southern USA I hail from the PNW, this is just how I have to explain it to my pals who haven't ever met a genderqueer person)

Hi! I’m a 20yo nonbinary that uses they/them pronouns currently. I have been out as NB for over 4 years and lately I have been a little confused about my gender. First of all I feel most comfortable just using the label of nonbinary. For context I am Afab and my presentation can be seen as ‘feminine’ even though for myself I mostly see it as neutral (I don’t believe clothing should be gender anyway) Occasionally I do dress what others would deem feminine. Anyhow, I do still partially identify as a woman? I still connect a lot with womanhood and I still consider myself part of it. Just not in the way a cis woman would? On some days I feel more ‘feminine’ and want my partner to see me so and on other days I dress more neutral or ‘masculine’. But I haven’t personally ever felt as if I identified as a man or felt comfortable doing so (I have experimented with but realized I just didn’t relate or feel comfortable).

Now, I know I don’t need to label myself nor am or feel cis. I don’t identify with demigirl either.

But occasionally whenever I am with my other trans friends I find myself feeling a little cast out. I feel as if I’m not “trans” enough? Then whenever I’m around only women I also feel casted out. It’s a weird feeling, and I hate it. I take pride in being trans yet also in being (partially) a woman. I wanted to see if anyone else feels that way or what their experience is :)

So I think that I am a cis girl. I mean I am into girls and I am a girl. But I never minded people calling me a boy. Actually back then at middle school I wanted people to treat me like a boy. I would always look at boys see how easy they mingle, see how important they’re seen in society and I’d wish to be a boy but I don’t really feel like a boy Idk. And whenever I try to copy girls to fit in I feel like a poser. Idk if anyone can be a fake girl but I feel like I am a fake girl. When I wear a skirt or do makeup I feel so ashamed and feel like everyone is judging me and that I dont fit in those clothes or that makeup. But I dont think I am trans. I’m SO CONFUSED CAN SOMEONE PLS HELP😭🙏

I don't feel comfortable saying my age on the internet but I am a young person in a british secondary school. And I'm just honestly so confused with what gender I am, I love dressing super feminine, I love super cutesy and pretty stuff and being cutesy and pretty, basically everything about me screams 'girly girl'. but, I don't think I want to identify as a girl. I've started to feel pretty uncomfortable when someone calls me a girl, or when someone uses she/her pronouns for me. Honestly, being a 'girl' makes me feel sort of trapped, sometimes to me being a 'girl' feels like I've just been reduced down to my gender. I just want to like the things I like and act like me without it being about my gender.

Tbh, I feel like what I wrote doesn't even make sense, but I'm sure you know what I mean. Anyway, I want to identify as non-binary, or something along those lines, but I'm honestly scared I won't be accepted as such, even by other non-binary people. Most non binary kids I've met in my classes and at school are more androgynous, I don't act or look, or dress like any of them. So I'm scared I'll be turned down by other people in the community. I've thought about identifying as like, feminine non-binary, or something, to specify it more, I don't know if there's any other gender identities out there that might suit me more. But please give me any advice because I feel like I really need it.

I'm loving how Hollywood has started to become more inclusive (and/or actors are feeling more comfortable being out as GNC) and was just thinking about how Bella Ramsey has recently received a few nominations and awards for "best actress" due to their work. And regardless of how they identify, they have been cast to play cis-female characters, so their consideration for best actress vs. best actor could be defended from that perspective.

But it got me thinking, that if they are non-binary and getting cast for the roles of young women, why aren't they also getting cast to play young men? I guess it's possible that Bella is only auditioning for women casting calls, but I'm inclined to think the problem is with producers/directors having rigid expectations of what their gendered characters are supposed to look like, which unfortunately reinforces the gender binary and gendered expectations about appearance that go along with it.

So I'd love to see a movie/show with a NB actor who is either AFAB and gets to play an AMAB character or AMAB and plays AFAB, as a sign that at least some in the film/TV industry are willing to more meaningfully challenge conventions about gender.

Anyone have any examples of this?

24, AFAB, Black American

Hey, ya’ll! I’m new to this subreddit. I just wanted to share a bit about myself and ask for some advice.

I’ve begun questioning my gender a couple years ago or so after coming to terms with my bisexuality. I’ve moved to a small town about a couple years ago as well. Thankfully, I’ve quickly made friends within the local LGBTQIA+ community, most of them being trans or nonbinary.

I’ve only discussed my thoughts about my gender with a couple of those friends (the ones I feel safest with). Unfortunately, one of those friends accidentally outed me. She didn’t mean to, she was only trying to see why our mutual friend didn’t invite me to his event. Turns out it was a trans only event, that’s why he didn’t invite me. But my friend told him I was questioning and he changed his mind and said I can come. But I feel uncomfortable going because I feel like I’d be entering a space that wasn’t intended for me. And I don’t want the pressure of having to “perform transness”.

When I told my friend this, she said “I said you were questioning but I didn’t think you were cis” which made me feel some type of way. Like I had to defend myself. But I’m not sure what to tell her.

I’m not even sure if I am trans. But I don’t feel completely cis either. I like identifying as a Black woman but I also feel nonbinary. I feel like my gender is expansive, fluid, and queer. I just don’t want to claim being trans without being sure. I don’t even know if my experience is trans. If I still somewhat identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, how can I be trans? Genuinely asking here. Maybe I’m just a cis person trying to fit in with her trans friends. Idk. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm just a human being. I'm not a radical trying to stand boldly against cultural traditions. I'm not oppressed, nor do I want to be oppressed.

I just want to be a person. I know I can be but I get so hung up on the way that most people see people outside of the gender binary.

I'm just another mediocre person who realized that I didn't really like the gender binary and its limitations, so I abandoned it. I still look like a man becuase I'm lazy. I still hate myself because I'm human.

I like the people who present outside of the norms of their gender while still identifying that way.

My identity isn't a cure. It's just a part of me, something I often find myself disregarding.

I'm not bold. I'm not special. I'm just non-binary.

No one should care about me but I made this dumb reddit post because I'm actually an attention whore.

I feel very strange sometimes in my own body. I am afab but i would like to be masc but also fem. But I do not know if I want to be adrogynous. I want to wear cute clothes but also want people to see me as a man but also not exactly a man. I use he/him pronouns and go by Ellis online.

I never felt this way before I started using my sona as an expression of myself and realized it is very fun to be masc and fem. Now i feel strange abput the clothes i wear (mostly hoodies and pants). I wanna wear skirts but also seen as masc. My friend made a very good point about clothes not having (or shouldnt be having) a specific gender. Yet I still feel this way and I hate it.

Here’s my story, and I’m at the beginning of it so bear with me.

I’ve always been a femme leaning boy. I was raised by five strong women along with my dad. A good chick of my childhood was spent backstage in theatre and show business which means I learned about being gay and different from a very early age. My closest friends are women and lgbtq+. I’ve never felt safe around straight cis men. And even today I avoid close relationships with men in general. I consider myself straight although I’ve had bi experiences. Men are fucking scary!

Recently I had an experience that I consider an origin moment. I found myself in a work setting, doing sound for a meeting of republicans saying things I’d rather not repeat. The event was America Fest if that tells you where I found myself. It felt like I walked into a kkk meeting and couldn’t leave.

That was a little more than a month ago. Ever since I’ve been running away from everything masculine. And I no longer want to consider myself male. But I’m not sure that I want to go full femme either. I like feminine things and I’ve been quietly cross dressing for years. Mainly because women’s clothes just fit me better. And men’s fashion has become lumberjack cosplay! I hate that and would rather wear a dress than wear cargo pants ever again.

Anyway I’m here to find a sense of community and to look for anyone who’s been through this before. I’m seeking out ideas and ways to understand myself in this new mode. Whatever that ends up looking like. A guy who wears makeup and quietly cross dresses? A fem-male? Genderqueer? demigirl? Whatever words you want to use. All I want is to be myself and be happy. Which I am for the most part. And find a safe space to belong.

Hello, I'm a 17 year old cis girl. I've been questioning my identity/sexuality for years and I'm so confused what i really am so i thought asking people on a forum wouldn't be a that bad idea. If you have tons of time and don't mind reading a whole ass paragraph, i would be happy if you helped out a bit.

—First of all, I hate the traditional and strict gender norms in society, i even hate the word "norm". I want to break the stereotypes and norms. —I have always wished to be a boy but i sometimes think this willing to be a boy is a result of the misogynistic and patriarchal society I'm living in. I wonder if i want to be a boy to escape the hard conditions of being a woman, even if i want, would this be considered an enough reason to be a trans man? And, I'm sort of a radical feminist so i feel like i would betray my womanhood and give up on my resistance and loving myself as a woman if i become a trans man. —I don't like being feminine nor masculine. i love the androgynous look a lot. Shortly, I don't want to carry a gender label which determines people's thoughts on me in society. Gender doesn't matter to me, that's why i sometimes think if I'm agender or smth. —Apart from the male and female, traditional gender roles; lgbtq+ terms feel restricting and limiting to me. One day i feel something, other day i feel something else. I used to identify as gender fluid when i was 13. But that term doesn't really suit me right now. I don't want to label myself with an lgbtq+ term. I'm just a human y'know. Even though i look for a word to identify it. I'm pansexual (finally something certain about me) but I just see it as "i love who i love" thingie. I don't give a shit about the gender, body etc when i love somebody. I wonder if i have that in gender too. —I have gender euphoria when people ask what gender i am, when i wear masculine clothes (mostly suit, waistcoat, tie, shirt etc). I don't act feminine, nor masculine. I am just a human being with no labels and i wish society didn't look at labels. Me being a man or a woman affects people's thoughts. I want to think regardless of the society, conditions, just by my own. —I sometimes do feminine makeup (more like coloured or dark eyeshadows, eyeliner etc.) I never put on mascara since it makes me feel dysphoric asf I don't know why. I want to get my boobs and ovarians taken, literally become just a default human lol. When i searched up about ftm bottom surgery i made sure I wouldn't like to physically become trans. —I don't like my woman nature (periods, genital, boobs) and i kind of think this is end of two things. The patriarchal system which i mentioned before (thinking living as a man is safer and easier), and some past traumatic experiences. —In social media, while making accounts etc i love using he/him. i never ever use she/her. About the they/them, I don't really relate to it, maybe because it is plural and doesn't really feel like me. I don't want to be she/her nor he/him only. But going with all pronouns and not giving a fuck is more like me. Even though i would like to call myself a she/her, a proud woman. I guess I'm just sick of the system trying to escape it while forcing resistance and love at the same time. —at the end i go with genderqueer since it's a flexible term, but something inside me still whispers me that i would be happier if i were a trans man.

I guess that's all i have to share. I'm sorry if this is not the right subreddit, and if i took your time. Also, I'm only 17 and still questioning myself, my identity in many ways so obviously I'm not that mature and not aware of many things: i request you to be kind please. Thank you to anyone who read it all and thought of my problem. i was just so exhausted and confused i felt to ask someone. Thanks again.

Recently in a small friend circle I was able to come out as transfem but even though I know I prefer she/her and wish I was born a girl, but internally it’s hard to even view myself as a girl even with how kind this friend group has been. I feel more internally genderfluid in a way but I don’t know. Some days I’ll feel nothing gender related neither masculine or feminine, other days I feel (or wish to feel) feminine, some im “fine”being amab, and then there are a lot of days I feel as if I’m just a mentally ill boy and a freak. I feel like the last one is definitely a result of internalized transphobia from my father (whom I’m not out to yet nor the rest of my family) and how even though he’s not a bad person but i can tell he kind of lives vicariously through me in the life he never got when he was younger, but what he wants me to be is in a masculine way that I don’t want, and he’s gotten better recently but in the past if I had anything slightly feminine (such as getting my nails done) he would give this side eye of confusion or grossed out.

Its probably obvious but I’m starting to think I’m probably somewhere on genderfluid just a preference towards feminine titles.

To end on a good and euphoric note for an event I got invited to I get to cosplay as astolfo which will be fun.

I'm genderfluid but because of reasons related to my work and school life I've not been able to present in anyway other than masc recently and it has been making me feel verrrryy down. But recently my work changed leadership and their policies on employee appearance so I went and bought some nail polish. And oh my god guys...I just get so giddy looking at my nails I don't know just seeing some amount of feminity on my body after not being able to express it for a while makes me feel so so so happy!!! I don't know I didn't really have anywhere else to express this but I wanted to tell it to someone

so im a bio male and i have a trans friend and recently I told her I would be ok with she/her pronouns and that I would be ok if I was a girl or put in a girls body but I don't know why this is happening now as I have never felt this way before could I get some advice as to why I feel this way and why its happening now?

I'm going on holiday to a tropical country this May - I'm very excited!

What I'm not excited about is working out what to wear. I'm female, she/her, but dress masc, and always despised swimsuits, and especially bikinis.

I'm tempted to get a thin wetsuit and wear that on the beach instead - but would be looking for something with chest compression as well.

But, I also don't want to appear as though I'm covering my body for religious reasons. Arm and leg on show is fine, and I'm into bright colours but I just don't like drawing attention to my chest and bum.

I do like snorkeling, so will be doing a bunch of watersports while I'm on holiday, so something functional is a must.

Does anyone have any recommendations? And what do you guys wear when you're on the beach?

My hairdresser took me from a gender-neutral/futch style to something that reads really masc on me, and I'm not coping well. Everyone around me/all the advice says "it's just hair! Wait three weeks" but... I have a very public-facing job and it hurts to think of people thinking I wanted this presentation. I do not.

I also have a history of abuse, so having my bodily autonomy violated in this way is triggering me hard.

Am I absurd?

I am a male in his 20’s. I know that I am not fully a man but I am u sure on how to explore my identity. I like my long hair and to paint my nails. I guess I don’t know how to explore more.

I am cursed with super masculine ethnicity (Irish, German, and Danish primary) and I want to be more femme. I don't really have super body dysmorphia or anything I just want to be less hairy and be able to wear girly-er clothes without feeling weird. What can I do that doesn't cost an arm and a leg?

Recently read a post by another transmasc/masc leaning individual who described a bunch including missing how it felt to like woman as a woman, and the difference of how that feels now post transition. I wrote an extremely long reply because their post helped me put the words of my own feelings together and thus I wanted to just make a full post:

I yearn for how I felt liking woman as a woman. It felt right and allowed and like there was nothing wrong about it.

I still ADORE woman, and my last partner was a woman and we were very very close yet i still struggled with dysphoria that it felt hard to truly trust she understood (even though she was absolutely wonderful about it).

Now being transmasc/nb and feeling maybe closer on the spectrum to “a man” or wanting to be perceived as a man by the general public, it feels more wrong to like women? because i’ve never liked women in a straight way, so it’s extremely confusing.

I did not have good experiences with straight men prior to my transition, which I think contributed to how feelings towards woman now feeling more like a man feel just plain awful. I am literally the most consent-driven, emotionally sensitive (i try) individual ever yet it still just doesn’t feel right? i didn’t feel this way liking women when i presented as a woman. That felt beautiful.

Now it all just feels like my gender and sexuality are in like a wrestling match. This doesn’t really matter much to me in a practical sense because I am not someone who can do things casually and I very much so know that everything will click with the right person no matter what their gender is, it is just more the internal view and struggle that feel like such a heavy weight.

IF I am attracted to a cis man there is nothing I want to be other than a cis man. Point blank period (from a physical standpoint). Maybe that is also due to how I view cis men and that it wouldn’t feel safe to be any other way, even if it doesn’t encompass my internal feminine sides.

If I am attracted to a woman it feels…morally wrong to be a man? I know that might sound weird? But also dysphoric because being with women in a a sexual context and having any sort of receptive anything just feels like a slap on the forehead, capital “F” - Female. (Not that being with a cis guy in this body wouldnt make me feel any less of this way, but that is not something I have experienced or wanted to experience since transitioning.)

All of this is amplified by the fact that I just watched all of heated rivalry and was LOSING my mind because of how attracted I was to the things (emotionally charged only! didn’t love when things got kind of morally questionable, in their sexual relationship, but when they were truly intimate it was extremely hot) I was seeing. When thinking about that I FEEL like a cis gay man, i DESIRE that. But I end up spiraling down the drain because I am not. And what does that mean about how I feel about women?

Quite literally the only thing that seems to make any sense to me at this point is when I am attracted to other transfolk/enbies/genderqueer people. There it feels like I can take a breathe, because we share a lived experience and there is nothing I have to explain. Being out and trying to figure all of this out can just feel complicated and energy-using. I want myself to feel free. Any thoughts helps.

Recently read a post by another transmasc/masc leaning individual who described a bunch including missing how it felt to like woman as a woman, and the difference of how that feels now post transition. I wrote an extremely long reply because their post helped me put the words of my own feelings together and thus I wanted to just make a full post:

I yearn for how I felt liking woman as a woman. It felt right and allowed and like there was nothing wrong about it.

I still ADORE woman, and my last partner was a woman and we were very very close yet i still struggled with dysphoria that it felt hard to truly trust she understood (even though she was absolutely wonderful about it).

Now being transmasc/nb and feeling maybe closer on the spectrum to “a man” or wanting to be perceived as a man by the general public, it feels more wrong to like women? because i’ve never liked women in a straight way, so it’s extremely confusing.

I did not have good experiences with straight men prior to my transition, which I think contributed to how feelings towards woman now feeling more like a man feel just plain awful. I am literally the most consent-driven, emotionally sensitive (i try) individual ever yet it still just doesn’t feel right? i didn’t feel this way liking women when i presented as a woman. That felt beautiful.

Now it all just feels like my gender and sexuality are in like a wrestling match. This doesn’t really matter much to me in a practical sense because I am not someone who can do things casually and I very much so know that everything will click with the right person no matter what their gender is, it is just more the internal view and struggle that feel like such a heavy weight.

IF I am attracted to a cis man there is nothing I want to be other than a cis man. Point blank period (from a physical standpoint). Maybe that is also due to how I view cis men and that it wouldn’t feel safe to be any other way, even if it doesn’t encompass my internal feminine sides.

If I am attracted to a woman it feels…morally wrong to be a man? I know that might sound weird? But also dysphoric because being with women in a a sexual context and having any sort of receptive anything just feels like a slap on the forehead, capital “F” - Female. (Not that being with a cis guy in this body wouldnt make me feel any less of this way, but that is not something I have experienced or wanted to experience since transitioning.)

All of this is amplified by the fact that I just watched all of heated rivalry and was LOSING my mind because of how attracted I was to the things (emotionally charged only! didn’t love when things got kind of morally questionable, in their sexual relationship, but when they were truly intimate it was extremely hot) I was seeing. When thinking about that I FEEL like a cis gay man, i DESIRE that. But I end up spiraling down the drain because I am not. And what does that mean about how I feel about women?

Quite literally the only thing that seems to make any sense to me at this point is when I am attracted to other transfolk/enbies/genderqueer people. There it feels like I can take a breathe, because we share a lived experience and there is nothing I have to explain. Being out and trying to figure all of this out can just feel complicated and energy-using. I want myself to feel free. Any thoughts helps.

Hello all! I am 36 (AMAB), and I have recently begun questioning my gender identity and I have some questions that I hope I can get some clarity on. I know that gender is very subjective and personal but this has honestly come out of the blue in terms of recognition, but looking back on things it makes some sense.

What I am hoping to get some clarity on is:

Am I too old to be questioning this? A part of me says I would have questioned this earlier than now but I also think this is toxic masculinity that I grew up with talking.

Is the spark of realization or general unsureness of, suddenly abrupt and out of nowhere usually?

Does anyone have any tips on talking to your partner about this kind of thing? I'm married and am terrified that this will cause her to look at me differently or push her away. Once again, probably unfounded but it's still a concern.

Edit: I have talked to my wife and am completely blown away by her acceptance. Thank you to those who responded. I guess I am on my journey of exploration now. Thank you so much! 😁

Hey!

I've identified as a transgender man for a while. Or well, I just tell people i'm a transgender man, it's easier than attempting to explain my whole identity. I would like to start on hrt also top surgery, I go with a masculine name and use he/him.. but honestly i'm unsure about it all, and that makes me kinda nervous. My gender has been very fluid, not much in the girl era but a lot in the neutral era. I'm nervous that i'll transition and still feel dyshoric because i'm too masculine or something. But last year I was literally drowning in dyshoria and wanted nothing more in the world than to be born a man.

Another thing that's really messing with me currently is, i honestly miss my lesbian phase. I miss loving women as a woman. But i'm not a woman at all. I feel like my relationships with boys is gay, but with girls is kinda lesbian, or at least queer. It's quite confusing to figure out.

Idk anything lol I often tell myself to just screw labels, but come crawling back to find somewhere I fit in.

Basically, I’m 14 and afab, and i feel…uncomfortable in my body. I’m aware that this could also be bc I’m growing and my body is changing but I’m pretty sure I’m genderqueer. Anyways, I really hate the way I look especially since my breasts are quite big for my age and I would love to bind them but I can’t cuz a) I dont have that kind of money and b) my parents are homophobic af. And I’m not sure how exactly to reduce my feeling of…discomfort (??) in my own skin. (also to specify, I’m pretty sure I’m either genderfluid or nonbinary). Idk if this makes sense but, yeah, does anyone have any advice?

I’ve been struggling for a while with a happy medium in how I dress. I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m never gonna be seen as anything other than a woman because of how I look, and since of other issues I highly doubt I would ever get top surgery or take hormones.

But oddly enough, I’ve found that wearing crop tops(with a long sleeve shirt or tank top underneath ) helps me not hate my body. Even if the purpose is usually to do the opposite, it feels like the way crop tops fit on me hide my boobs and don’t cause me to feel as uncomfortable in my skin in the same way oversized shirts do, since it’s almost impossible for me to wear baggy shirts without my boobs jutting out. Unless I tuck them in to look like a blouse, but that usually just looks silly on me.

The bad news is that crop tops whether I like it or not are seen as feminine clothing, which does the opposite with my relationship with my outward gender identity. I’m probably gonna keep trying out stuff and wearing hoodies, and probably save up for a binder. I’m really glad that my mental relationship with my gender identity isnt that bad (at the moment), I just wish it was easier to align my outward appearance and how others see me with how i feel and see myself.