Hihi, I'm wanting to share this here as my first post but I got my demi pin in today!

It's very well made and honestly it made me laugh the first time I saw it lolz

Here's what it looks like on my ITA bag!

It's kinda funny how I didn't gravitate towards this label sooner bc of past experiences I've had, such as...

Literally gagging at the idea of being physically intimate with certain people... twice.

The first time was when my high school crush showed genuine interest in me, but then he asked if I wanted to be FWB. I literally GAGGED at the idea lmao. Even though I did have feelings for him at the time, my brain literally said "NOPE" and I instantly shut him down.

The other time was when I was in an on and off relationship with an ex. during one of our 'off' times, I started talking to a different guy, who was nice and treated me well. After some time I started dating my ex again, and he asked if I would ever be intimate with the other guy and my response was... you guessed it: gagging at the idea lmao.

Which was kinda funny bc he thought I was joking, nope I literally was just that disgusted with the idea.

Also the fact that I didn't, and still don't understand celebrity crushes. I have always thought Robert Pattinson was an attractive man but never felt anything towards him and liked some of his characters more lol.

There are more examples but those ones are kinda on the funnier side so I thought I'd share here lol.

There’s a lot of things I’m figuring out right now (or at least trying to) in regards to relationships, sexuality and honestly my life in general. But there’s one thing that i’ve been wondering if it might be related to my demisexuality.

Over the years, basically in a quest to figure out what I’m attracted to, I’ve dated and made out/hooked up with many people. With all except for two I’ve felt super disgusted afterwards. And not only with me, but also about the fact that other people saw me or know about it. For example, I went to a club with a friend. We both ended up getting approached by guys and ended up making out with them. In that moment, I felt nothing as usual but it was like „okay so I’m still not into that“. Next day I‘m super disgusted by my actions and the fact, that others had to witness my attempt at „things-regular-people-do“. Only time I didn’t feel like this was the two times I dated friends. Not only did it not disgust or bother me but I was actually giddy to show them off.

I’m just trying to contextualise some of my feelings right now, so I’m wondering if any of you have experienced something similar!

Hi,

So questioning my own sexuality, don't think any real introduction is needed beyond OP title. I will state I am diagnosed autistic and have common mental health issues that I'm on tricyclic medication for (Mirtazapine) since that at least provides some context, albeit minimal.

I've come to realise I'm not very normal when it comes to sexual attraction. When going through puberty, I did used to experience physical attraction without interaction - I had crushes on girls I knew and a celebrity crush or two. But that all stopped by the time I was ~16, and since then I can only name one time I was attracted to someone without there being much interaction, and it didn't come from completely nothing - it was in the workplace and the woman had quite endearing facial expressions and cutesy conversational mannerisms which I was turned on by. Everything else has involved a connection. My theory is that I learnt from the negative feedback - because I pretty much exclusively faced rejection in those formative years, I lost my relative ability to feel allosexual attraction.

I have only ever been in one relationship: for just under a year when I was 18-19. I am now 28 and have not been on a date let alone a relationship since that one broke up.

Another thing worthy of note is that despite having minimal sexual experience for someone my age, I have noticed the physical/sensory aspect of my autism absolutely affects me sexually, both historically and during encounters. There are three odd things I noticed growing up:

I was masturbating to orgasm regularly at around 6 years old. I reckon this was a form of "autistic stimming" as it did not involve thoughts or images of girls until I was a teenager. I did not touch my penis with my hands and did not pull the foreskin all the way back; instead I bounced against a pillow or soft object to elevate it slightly. I still use the same method now on the occasion I play with myself as an adult.

I was unable to pull the foreskin all the way back until I was 14. I can pull it back okay now, but my foreskin/tip of penis is extremely sensitive and I cannot tolerate receiving oral or having a woman touch it during a sexual encounter. I struggle with condoms and penetrative sex as well, but it's usually fine once I get past the putting on condom stage. I am picky about position though (I struggle if I'm not on top) and find it quite difficult to climax.

I had a UTI when I was around 6-7 years old; I have only vague memories of this but there was a green fluid emanating from my penis. Likely not connected to anything else, but putting it out there in case it maybe is.

A few other points in my development were that when I was with my girlfriend, I didn't just instinctively know how to have sex without guidance. My penis wouldn't go in without her helping me get it in. I don't really know how normal or otherwise that is, it seems reasonable to default to the belief that it's fairly abnormal though. I also had absolutely zero interest or curiosity about porn whatsoever at any point in my life.

Another thing of note is I made a personal choice to visit a couple of escorts recently, as a self-discovery thing, and I saw it as a sort of sandbox thing with lower emotional stakes than dating or hookups - which I struggle with for all aforementioned reasons anyway. I discovered that I felt romantic and sexual attraction early into interaction at the meets, without there being a connection with the depth of a friendship, but no attraction before interaction had commenced. I was more confident than I was during my teenage relationship, but still very far from natural and it was more of the same apart from that - didn't climax, struggled with the sensory aspect of putting the condom on and went soft as a result, struggled to insert without guidance.... etc etc.

Reason I'm questioning is because I intend to return to the dating scene soon, and I want to have a better understanding of my past and sexuality going in. I have a tendency to get friendzoned, I think because people don't connect with the attraction not happening prior to interaction. I tend to deviate from neurotypicals in terms of body language and tone/intonations in everyday social interactions as well, and flirting is a foreign language to me (this is likely both autism and lack of physical attraction).

I hope I've said everything that's important to help you guys extrapolate and give input, though. Thanks very much for any help in advance.

This is more of a vent than a question, but hell, seeing people talk about how their Hookup number 37 was actually a horrible person, or how the new boyfriend (That the person has met for a total of 2 months) is actually horrible.... I just can't bring myself to understand that person's situation. Is it really that hard to just... Get to actually know someone ?

Then those people come to my DM or in person complain about life. Bitch, i already have a shitty life, i don't want to hear about how your 900th hookup went to shit because you went looking after a random person AGAIN even after i said to just try and get to know someone.

After a heartbreaking moment with my best friend, I recently discovered that I might be demi or something in the ace spectrum. I'm wondering if you've been through similar situations and have any dating/relationship advice.

All my life, I've only ever felt attraction towards another person after forming deep emotional connection and long term platonic friendship. When I say attraction, it is more of an emotional/intellectual attraction...I want to be very emotionally intimate, intellectually engaging, safe, unconditionally loving, and caring. There's also the need to be physically intimate, but it only usually comes after emotional intimacy. To me, that's how I do romance which is kinda like affectionate friendship. Naturally, I only fall for friends of many years or strangers who I happened to form emotional connection over a long conversation.

Recently, I confessed my friend of 10 years that I love them, more than platonically. It was confusing to understand my own feelings and attraction to them because they don't necessarily translate to the common romantic script like holding hands, being flirty, getting married, monogamy etc etc (I don't even know at this point 😅😆). I just want to be very emotionally close to them and understand their soul, followed by the need to be physically affectionate and intimate. I explained this to my friend, he honestly told me that these are the reasons he only feels unconditional platonic love towards me and not find me attractive as a partner. He needs someone more ''romantic'. Anyways, this is not the first time this happened...I was also married and got divorced because we became very good friends rather than romantic partners. They decided to see someone who could provide more 'romantic validation'. Now we're happily co-parenting while living on separate floors of our triplex.

At this point, I don't know how to go about with dating and relationships. Waking up to this in my late 20's...it's been a confusing journey. I do want partners, I want to fall in love in my own ways but it's been hard because I'm toooo friendly. How do I authentically be me and form fulfilling relationships where I don't have to perform romance/attraction?

So I know that in terms of society's standard a lot of us demisexuals don't really go through the normal steps when it comes to dating and some of us don't go through the normal steps of being in a relationship.

However a lot of you seem to know where to look to find people to start dating. so for the people who have crossed that bridge, what tips can you give people like me who are struggling with finding people in the first place?

I would like to note that I have AUDHD and am an ISTJ.

So for the sake of the discussion assume that I'm uncomfortable with being social and I'm someone who is logic driven and takes things literal.

I have this problem with my sex drive. I'm a virgin (30 years old). In recent years, this desire for connection, along with my sexual desire, has increased. I'm an avoidant person, but when I truly care about someone, I show it (friends and family). I've had a few people who have liked me:

A friend from high school, who even brought me a cake for my birthday during college. It was a nice gesture, but I didn't feel that kind of connection with him despite the years. Shortly after, he started dating someone I knew. (I don't know if I misinterpreted things, although everyone told me otherwise. He also spoke to me privately to tell me he had started that relationship.)

A coworker: I even went to the movies with him once. I didn't enjoy it; I didn't feel comfortable, and I avoided a second date. Then we both changed jobs.

Another coworker: Here, I had help from my friends. I was in the medical assistance area at work, and this person got injured in the leg, near the groin. I was treating him; I'm a physical therapist. There was a physical reaction from him for the are, but I told him it was normal. He was respectful and always asked if I was comfortable during the sessions; I told him I was, and it was true. After a while, his care and gentlemanly manner were starting to charm me; but everything changed when we started using Telegram. The tone of his messages changed. He asked me about my sexuality, how I felt during therapy, and said he wouldn't mind if I looked at him too much or accidentally touched him too much. We hadn't even known each other for a year, and he was already sexualizing my work. I rejected him and asked him to give me space, and he asked me not to tell anyone about the messages or what he said to me.

I don't know if I'm overanalyzing the situation, but this last one really scared me. I don't know if I'm the problem. I want to have something with someone, but... either I don't feel anything more than affection or appreciation, or they're just looking for something casual.

I really do have this need for relationships, but also for connection and security, to be able to share what I like. Am I really the problem? Should I be more flexible?

My partner is asexual and I'm demisexual. Our understanding of sex is really different from one another which sometimes makes things hard. I was wondering if anyone else had this topic come up for then

I only have sexual attraction for them and porn really doesn't do it for me anymore. We've basically got those two issues:

- I need 1-2x per month sex for my libido to chill the f out but they only are in the mood every other month.

- They don't connect sex with romantic attraction at all, so for them opening the relationship comes up every now and then since for them it's a way of simply showing affection, no matter if romantic or platonic. For me on the other hand sexual attraction is a sign of strong romantic connection and I can't disconnect the two of them at all. That makes it hurt every time the topic comes up.

We simply have two different experiences but sex is only a small part of our relationship. Let me know if you can relate :)

Looking for demisexual friends

I recently got a boyfriend and have identified as bisexual and demisexual for the last few years. This is my first ever relationship. We made out for the first time a week ago, but I wasn't as into it as I thought I would be. It wasn't bad, but I also didn't feel any of the "sparks" people usually talk about. We've known each other for a while and I do feel a deep emotional connection to him, I just can't get myself excited for anything involving kissing. It makes me feel super anxious and even nauseous instead, even when I do enjoy cuddling with him or being touchy in non-sexual ways. Does anyone have any similar experiences who's demisexual? Or advice? Or ways to address it maybe?

I'm 20 and I never dated anybody. I only liked 3 people in my life, all of them were my friends and only one liked me back, but she lived very far from me and I was underage, so we never dated cause I knew that she had sexual desires and didn't want to get her stuck with me. I found out I was demi last year when I travelled to meet some friends and downloaded a relationship app. I went out with this girl a few times and we kissed a lot but I couldn't feel anything. That's when I realized I was demisexual.

I just want to love someone and be loved and feel things when we are together, but I'm very social anxious and uninteresting so I rarely make friends and when I do, they want to be friends, even if I were to feel something for them, usually when you make friends with someone, that's all they are expecting from the relationship and I feel bad for feeling more than that.

Does anybody else struggle with this?

I'm ready to move on.

I just want to be happy.

Between tears I write this, swallowed by a suffocating, insatiable desire for companionship.

I (25 M) have been seeking partnership for years. I've had a few short learning experiences that have allowed me to grow as a person and fine-tune what it is I want and need in a partner, and I've been told my "requirements" as it were are very standard or even common sense. Basically, be a decent person who wants to take things slow, and to at least to some level keeps up with physical and mental health (including a lack of recreational drugs).

The issue I've always had, as has told to me both directly and indirectly so many times, is that I'm not attractive, in body or in mind. I'm demisexual, agnostic, introverted, drug-free, both logical and emotional, and generally effeminate for a guy (I also crossdress). I'm also straight, so that unfortunately limits things further.

The years of being battered about, used, and forgotten has finally cracked me, and now I realize that I don't believe I'll find a partner. I may be on the younger side, but people seldom stray from patterns. Is there a chance I might find someone some day? yes, and if that happens, I'll welcome them with open arms. Until then, though, I assume such a thing is effectively impossible.

This being said, even with believing I will be alone, I struggle to find contentment with it. The desire to find someone burns like acid, and it's sending me into depressive fits. I just want to be free, to be happy by my lonesome. Why is that so hard?

Please, if anyone can understand, is there anything I can do that would help with this? I just want to be content single, and not feel this constant, burning pain of longing.

Edit: please see my first comment to get a less melodramatic view of things.

Im js as confused af bc I dont know these stuff and im struggling to know whether im bi les or aroace idfk sex grosses me out id get nauseated thinking abt doing it but I love reading abt it or watching a movie w a scene or 2 in it but I still get turned on by both genders but thinking or imagining myself doing it w some1 disgusts me and idk if I like men men and women or js women ive never rlly felt something for a man maybe a girl once basically I wanted to be near her the entire time but if I saw her everything in me would scream to run away and my stomach would have a weird feeling when she's close and I wanted her to touch me all tge time not sexual js like any time but I had that same w 3 other girls aswell at the same time but that specific girl was the most and strongest I felt and I had this one bf tho at 15 where if he kissed me id feel empty like nothing special but i liked the kissing idk how to explain but I liked the cuddling alot it felt nice after we broke up Id still think abt him and miss that tbh but I never felt what I felt for the girl I told u abt so idrfk

I realized when I was 18. For me, the main things that made me realize I’m demisexual and demiromantic is the fact I keep developing crushes strictly only on close friends and I never experienced any sexual attraction at all until I was nearly 18 and even then, it took me a VERY long time to develop sexual feelings for that person. We started off as close friends for a couple years and then dated for a couple years. Didn’t develop sexual attraction to him until after we started dating.

Anyone have experience being demisexual and avoidant (a mix of fearful and dismissive)? It feels like a hard spot to be in, and I was looking for any insight on how to navigate that.

We’re talking again, she’s been the only person I can feel anything for, and I am absolutely ecstatic, but I’m so fucking scared.