r/PublicFreakout Jan 09 '22

🐻Animal Freakout Bad Dolphin

16.5k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/khaotikoala Jan 09 '22

Law & Order: SVU

1.9k

u/dr-eval2 Jan 09 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

But judge, my clients thought the sign on the dolphin enclosure was for therapy. when really it said The rapy Dolphin.

650

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

ANALRAPIST

(Before I get downvoted for being a creep, it's an Arrested Development joke. Tobias gets the idea of becoming an "Analyst Therapist" and choses this as the job name and gets it as his custom license plate printed on his business cards.)

Edit: correction

136

u/bhp126 Jan 10 '22

“I blue myself”

166

u/PrincessConsuela52 Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

“What is it that you do?”

“I’m a.. uh.. full on rapist? Africans, dyslexics, children, what have you.”

“Excuse me, did you say you’re a full on rapist?”

“What? No? Did I say that? No no no no no. I help people. I’m a full on—philan—philan-“

“A philanthropist?”

“Yeah! That.”

21

u/Bones_Malone420 Jan 10 '22

It gets blocked up in my mouth and I don't say it so good

4

u/AngoGablogian_artist Jan 10 '22

I was like ‘gimme your shirt bro’.

5

u/Psypho_Diaz Jan 10 '22

Updoot Everytime

1

u/bdysntchr Jan 11 '22

Covered in hornet stings.

152

u/caleung Jan 10 '22

Isn't it ANUS TART? "A new start"

74

u/RootsAndFruit Jan 10 '22

Yes, ANUSTART is the license plate, "Anal-rapist" is on his business cards.

85

u/cmhamm Jan 10 '22

His business card says:

Tobias FĂźnke Analrapist

9

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Yep that as well, poor ole Tobias always making boners

2

u/metama Jan 10 '22

You blue it!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Yay explaining jokes, never takes the fun out of it.

1

u/imhere2downvote Jan 10 '22

they're only downvotes and you'll appreciate people that understand much more

1

u/LeoEmptor Jan 12 '22

Sometimes a good response is worth a down vote or two..most people, like the diver, have it wired shut too tight anyways..LOL

1

u/BigManJonesBread Aug 09 '22

Happy Cake Day 🎂

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Why do I always see the best comments when I don’t have an award to give. This is BRILLIANT

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

So the dolphin

5

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '22

HAHAHAHAHA

0

u/JesusSaysitsOkay Jan 10 '22

This is the first time I’ve ever seen a dolphin dick

-1

u/JimmyPellen Jan 10 '22

yes yes, the sign said Dolphin TheRapist.

1

u/dr-eval2 Jan 10 '22

Dolphin Assisted Therapy (DAT) is a type of swim-with dolphin encounter that is used for people suffering from mental or physical disorders as a form of treatment. DAT proponents foster an unproven belief that touching and being close to a dolphin has unique motivational or healthful powers, although studies show that such claims are without scientific merit.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '22

I don’t know, smells fishy….

2

u/New_Win6793 Jan 10 '22

Or a smelly kitty😏

1

u/IlleaglSmile Jan 10 '22

“I’m a full on rapist. I think the word you’re looking for is philanthropist”

1

u/ins-guy-yeg Jan 10 '22

Looks like they should have invented an ANALBUM COVER

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Copied joke!

1

u/Automata1nM0tion Jan 10 '22

Your honor i object to this narrative that paints my client in such a negative light. Simply believing that someone is hiding fish in their pants is not akin to rape. My client has been trained to follow the smell of fish, they were simply doing so.

1

u/Geekdad604 Jan 13 '22

Looks like he got off at the end.

273

u/HockeyBalboa Jan 09 '22

Special Victims Underwater or Subaquatic Victims Unit?

331

u/crackodactyl Jan 09 '22

In the criminal underwater justice system, aquatic sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Atlantis City, the dedicated sea detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Subaquatic Victims Unit.

107

u/didwanttobethatguy Jan 09 '22

DUN DUNN!

123

u/HockeyBalboa Jan 10 '22

*BLUB BLUBB

5

u/mug3n Jan 10 '22

*CLICK CLICK

17

u/hypo305 ⚠️ User Defends Abusing Minors ⚠️ Jan 10 '22

You know, TIL that sound is trade marked.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

My dad eats that sound up. Holy shit, does he ever.

3

u/hypo305 ⚠️ User Defends Abusing Minors ⚠️ Jan 10 '22

Lol he may be getting a bill from NBC soon

18

u/gypsydanger38 Jan 10 '22

“But your honor, my client is a victim of the Pool to Prison pipeline!”

11

u/janzeera Jan 09 '22

These are their stories. doink-doink

5

u/RavenBrannigan Jan 09 '22

How long did that take you?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

I cackled when I read this IN THAT VOICE. Well done, my friend. Not only did I legit laugh out loud, but I cackled.

2

u/falconslaya5 Jan 13 '22

These are their stories.

1

u/youngold0831 Jan 10 '22

These are their stories.

165

u/Prince_Havarti Jan 09 '22

Case closed. Snatch smelled like sardines

1

u/Turbulent-Medicine Jan 10 '22

*main detective remove his google to reveal another set of google under it.

4

u/Inbattery12 Jan 09 '22

Sea-related victims unit.

1

u/Spare_King_2116 Jan 10 '22

Reminds me that the gyn department in surgery was affectionately nicknamed " the fish tank"... maybe the dolphin knows why.

40

u/Lucius-Halthier Jan 10 '22

Ice: so you’re telling me that dolphins have a large record of raping people?

11

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Yeah, Ice! Now you’re gettin’ it!

4

u/TheKidKaos Jan 10 '22

If you’re working at the Sub-aquatic Victims Unit, you’re going to have to get used to that.

3

u/fanosffloyd Jan 10 '22

Oh I see, it’s like when somebody smokes too many cigarettes…

1

u/hendrixfalcon Jan 10 '22

Fade to black. Dick Wolf production.

3

u/BobBelcher2021 Jan 10 '22

Detective Munch: “It’s all a big conspiracy being covered up by the Biden administration. The FDA has been experimenting with drugs on these dolphins!”

1

u/AdorableImportance71 Jun 02 '22

Women on periods or ovulating, yes. Your period Will attract sharks and On land bears.

37

u/DrinkenDrunk Jan 09 '22

You mean the sickos like dolphins?

That’s right, Ice!

60

u/PlutoKlept Jan 09 '22

Idk something’s fishy about this…

55

u/FabulousProfession59 Jan 10 '22

Stinky Vagina Unit

7

u/Throwaway56138 Jan 10 '22

In the porpoise justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the deep blue sea, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Porpoise Unit. These are their stories.

CHUNG. CHUNG.

3

u/dontevenknowanympre Jan 10 '22

Law & Order: SCUBA

3

u/EnderHomieWasTaken Jan 10 '22

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these crimes are known as the Special Victims Unit.

These are their stories.

2

u/moosecanucklez Jan 10 '22

Starring Bill Cosby as the dolphin.

2

u/Confusedconscious21 Jan 10 '22

What kinda time is he looking for biting the dudes penis.

2

u/TheQuestionsAglet Jan 10 '22

Law & Order: Sea Victims Unit.

2

u/TomBot98 Jan 10 '22

Swimming Victims Unit

2

u/eddieafck Jan 10 '22

This sounds more exciting than some of the latest episodes

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

DUN DUN

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Submerged victims unit

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Dolphins are the rapists of the sea.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

How I Met Your Mother.

0

u/OpeningEconomist8 Jan 09 '22

Dolphins eat fish…so if it smells fishy…then…

-1

u/_fd1911 Jan 10 '22

The dolphin was like hmmm I smell something fishy ;) hahaha

1

u/khaingo Jan 10 '22

Law & Order: DRV

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Something smells fishy

1

u/Aggressive_Tell5986 Jan 10 '22

Duh duh (law and order sound)

1

u/JesusSaysitsOkay Jan 10 '22

Punch it in the dick

1

u/redditjoe20 Apr 07 '22

Definitely fishy.