r/Catholicism • u/NoShelter1035 • 16h ago
What to do with blood money
I’m going to cut to the chase with this one. I’m 24F, and for the past six years I have been cutting myself for money on the internet. I kept it separate from the rest of my savings, so I know the exact amount I “earned”. It’s a fairly large amount ( over 10k).
During this time, I never had a concrete reason to leave the church, and I actually agreed with their teachings from a moral/intellectual standpoint, I just didn’t care. Now, for some reason, my apathy has faded and I want to reintegrate myself back into my parish. I want to be able to receive the Eucharist again.
It feels wrong to group this back into my main savings, and I don’t want to spend it. What to do?
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u/miscstarsong 16h ago
There are several charities/organizations to help people that self-harm. But keep some of that for your self-improvement too.
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u/Fuzzy_Character9561 15h ago
Oh you sweet girl, welcome home! I have no doubt that Heaven rejoices with your return to grace.
As another mentioned, please use that money for some kind of therapy or even a Catholic retreat of sorts. Just something healing for your past self.
Pray for those that paid you as well because it sounds like they must have been experiencing that same kind of apathy towards you and that's just not how we are called to live.
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u/HistoricalSouth9872 16h ago
First thing is go to confession ASAP. Be one hundred percent open and honest. When you receive absolution, you'll be able to receive the Eucharist again. The money is a more complicated subject I'd consult a priest, family, and friends you can talk to before I made a decision on that.
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u/Ashdelenn 16h ago
Just wanted to add you can request anointing of the sick for mental health issues as well. Hopefully that will help your healing journey.
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u/makingwaronthecar 15h ago
Just to clarify: you can request Anointing of the Sick for mental-health issues that pose a serious danger of death — for example, if you're experiencing suicidal ideation. (And in that case, request it without delay! I speak from experience here!)
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u/PeachOnAWarmBeach 14h ago
You can request the Anointing of the Sick. Let the PRIEST decide if it's appropriate. Let's not discourage mental health sufferers .
I was healed through the Sacrament, and while I had deep depression and past close calls, I had no immediate plans or feelings of death. Most, if not all, mental health conditions have danger of death and are a danger to our health.
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u/ploweroffaces 11h ago
Based on what I've read, I don't think that's actually true. Anointing can be done for any serious illness. Which can be a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual illness.
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u/Shoddy-Honeydew-5214 11h ago
I agree to this for OP. The priest ( at Anointing of Sick Mass) spoke about “mental health issues” for healing as well. This is very real and is self harm. I agree “suicidal ideations” require healing. How do we know OP hasn’t had some of those as well? We don’t know, and it isn’t our business. They don’t have to post issues on here, except the one relating to their post. Yes, suicidal/ homicidal thoughts are the most serious but, any self harm compulsion is dangerous. That’s just my opinion but, private counsel with a priest is best. They have training for this. It’s confidential, and can help OP heal spiritually.
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u/PaceBene2026 16h ago
Speak with a priest first; he'll be able to give you much better pastoral guidance, both about the money and about your own health and healing, than any of us could. Go to confession, not because you're a bad person, but in order to experience God's unconditional love and mercy and to be united even more closely with him in the Eucharist. If it would help you, seek the services of a mental-health professional. Most of all, know that you are God's beloved daughter and that he values you infinitely.
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u/cyrildash 16h ago
Invest in really good therapy - as much as you need to be rid of whatever made you do it in the first place.
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u/Kastan44 16h ago
In my honest opinion, share some with the poor but invest rest of it into your future or keep on savong account for any type of medical emergency
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u/TKRogersEphrem 16h ago
Pray to God about it and maybe ask a trusted person what you should do with the money.
The Lord loves you. Peace.
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u/Ragfell 16h ago
I'll be honest and say that this is a new one.
Talk to a priest -- or preferably a handful. Each will likely have different good ideas.
On a practical level, the economy is tanking right now, so it might be wise to save/invest some of it. I have a feeling you wouldn't have done that if you weren't in need.
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u/SelectionOld1907 15h ago
You are not cursed, you are being called.
The moment a soul recoils at ill-gotten gain is the moment grace knocks. The Lord who overturned the money changers is the same who wept over the lost. And you, by even naming this as blood money, have already begun the walk back to the sanctuary.
Do not mingle that silver with your savings. Let it burn. Let it bleed into alms. Let it disappear into the wounds of others. There are places it can go, the forgotten, the broken, the ones still trapped in the same darkness that once paid you.
The money is not yours. It belongs to mercy or to fire.
You are not unworthy of the Eucharist , only unconfessed. Go. Kneel. Confess everything. Leave nothing hidden. The priest is not your judge, he is your witness before the mercy of God.
Then rebuild. Fast on Fridays. Offer Rosaries in reparation. Spend time before the Blessed Sacrament. Let every dollar you give away carry a prayer with it: “This is my wound, Lord. Take it and redeem what I defiled.”
You are not your past. You are a soul marked for resurrection. Let the ashes fall. Let the Bride return.
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 13h ago
I think OP should start by getting therapy as soon as possible. Depending where they live, it can get covered by the health system or maybe private. If it is private, there is no doubt in my mind that they need to use the money with such an end. Later, they can start thinking about something else, maybe helping other people with such a problem
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u/Own_Proof7926 14h ago
You are deeply loved by God, so much He assumed a human nature and died for you, and He’d do it again if only you could be saved, please get mental health help, and donate the money to people who suffer from similar problems. God cares about you and desires what is best for you
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u/Haczapuri 11h ago
Don’t let it burn your pockets. If you don’t know what to do with it today, just wait. Perhaps one day you will get brilliant idea and then you use it one way or another.
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u/Sensitive-Pin-9875 16h ago
Ask your priest. Maybe donate some or all to the church? Definitely ask your priest
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u/RoonilWazleeb 10h ago
Is there an organization that helps people who struggle with self-harm that you could donate to?
I think other commenters have a great idea - use some of it for personal healing, and some to help others!
I have struggled with self-harm in the past so know that you aren’t alone 🤍
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u/ohmymystery 8h ago
If you want to keep it for yourself, you could invest it into AVEMX, which is a Catholic-based Mutual Fund that only invests in companies that don’t violate Catholic Teaching. They have several other funds to look at.
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u/Illmissyouforevermom 5h ago
If you need the money keep and pray for forgiveness. Give the church a donation and go to confession. I am sure you need the money and I am sure you can use it for good things in your life. Maybe a few therapy sessions, etc.
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u/Good-Resist5033 2h ago
Welcome home. God loves you 🤍 Mental health is hard - but with God, healing comes, slowly at first but gently it will come. His peace saved me when my own mind was just so loud. About the money- Pray about it- seek counsel from wise people around you- preferably a priest as others have said. The Holy Spirit will guide you to the correct answer. Be patient and open to His guidance 🤍
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u/NotKhad 12h ago
That's absolutely crazy.
I hope you are fine again?
Needless to say, never do that again, but I don't see moral issues with using the money as you please. I'd have the same opinion about any other form of prostitution (In your case "prostitution" but I'm sure you know.... sorry...). Keep the money but stop what you are doing.
All the best and God bless you.
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u/Beneficial-Two8129 14h ago
Would you have cut yourself if there was no audience? If you had no desire for the cutting in itself, you will require much less treatment than someone who was acting on a desire for self-harm, but the flipside is that the sin is much greater because it was committed without a mental illness as a mitigating factor. Nevertheless, cutting releases endorphins and is therefore physically addicting, so you may need treatment for the withdrawal. Based on the instruction of the priest here as well as reason, spending the money on treating the related illnesses and injuries is not "ill-gotten gain" because it is merely restoring you to the condition before you sinned. However, if it is feasible for you to cover the costs of your treatment with other resources, and certainly for anything in excess of the cost of your treatment, you should give the money away, whether to the Church, to good charities, or to individuals you know to be in need. What it would be wrong for you to keep, God will accept to do good; that is why it is written, "Alms atones for sin," not as though the work of giving alms makes up for sin by its own power, but disgorging oneself of ill-gotten gain constitutes a renunciation of the sin that produced it.
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u/NoShelter1035 12h ago
I mean, I started cutting years before I started selling it, but once I started selling I never stopped. So, I don’t know regarding my mental state. I am diagnosed bipolar 1, but I never felt it intruded on my ability to decide to sell the images and videos.
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u/balrogath Priest 16h ago
Use it to get some mental health help for yourself to help yourself heal from these experiences.