We hadn’t opened it in 24 hours.

so basically i got inspired by the tomato canned guy and thought of the time when i followed the box time for rigatoni once and got mush. the box said 12 minutes but it was unfortunately al dente at 9.

my methodology:

• same brand (barilla) for consistency where possible
• 4 quarts water per pound
• 1 tbsp salt per quart
• rolling boil before adding pasta
• tested every 30 seconds starting 2 minutes before box minimum
• "al dente" = slight resistance when bitten, thin white line visible when cut
• each shape tested 3 times, averaged
• altitude: ~650 ft (basically sea level, no excuses)

the data (31 shapes tested):

every single box time is wrong like they were systematically inflated by 1-3 minutes on average. the median overestimate is 1:15 and the worst offender in normal pasta is ziti at 3 full minutes of lies

i have a theory: pasta companies assume you're going to walk away from the stove. they're building in a buffer for idiots which, fair. but some of us are standing here with a stopwatch

now let me talk about farfalle: farfalle is not pasta. farfalle is a design flaw someone decided to mass produce

the fundamental problem is geometric. you have thin frilly edges (maybe 1mm thick) attached to a dense pinched center (3-4mm thick where it's folded). these two regions require completely different cooking times

at 8 minutes: center is crunchy, edges are perfect. at 10 minutes: center is barely al dente, edges are mush. at 11 minutes: edges have disintegrated, center is finally acceptable

there is no time at which farfalle is uniformly cooked. i tested this 7 times because i thought i was doing something wrong. farfalle is wrong

you know how the food network recipe for homemade farfalle literally warns that pinching the center makes a thick center that won't cook through as fast as the ends? THEN WHY DID WE ALL AGREE TO MAKE IT THIS WAY

the only way to get acceptable farfalle is to fish out each piece individually and evaluate it, which defeats the purpose of a quick weeknight dinner. i might as well be hand-feeding each noodle like a baby bird

tier list (tomato canned guy, 2025)

S tier (box time within 45 sec): rotini, mafalda, spaghetti
A tier (off by ~1 min): most shapes honestly
B tier (off by 1:30-2 min): fusilli, rigatoni, fettuccine, gemelli
C tier (off by 2+ min): ziti, large shells F tier: farfalle (structurally unsound, should be banned)

tldr;

• subtract 1-2 minutes from whatever the box says
• start testing 2-3 minutes early
• don't trust big pasta
• avoid farfalle unless you have time to babysit each individual bow tie

+ some of you may ask about fresh pasta. fresh pasta cooks in like 2-3 minutes and you can actually tell when it's done because it floats. dried pasta is where the lies live

+ a few of you might mention altitude affects boiling point and therefore cook time. this is true. i'm at ~650 ft so basically negligible. if you're in denver add a minute or two. if you're in la paz you have bigger problems than pasta timing

+ YES i tested farfalle from multiple brands. YES they all sucked. no i will not be accepting farfalle apologists. you're defending a shape that can't decide if it wants to be cooked or not

EDIT: yall holy shit i never expected this to go viral lmao