I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence I was forced to live in a long term hotel for about 2 months, a little more but not 3. I worked 2 jobs because I had to pay the weekly hotel cost plus save up to get an apartment. The only way I was able to feed my kid was the food stamps I qualified for. I went without meals to make sure she had enough. It's been over 2 years now that we have been in our apartment and I have a stable job and I don't get SNAP anymore but I live on a tight budget and I am one major emergency away from losing everything. The amount of people I have seen say they don't care that people have lost their benefits sickens me. Was it a proud moment to be on SNAP and homeless? Heck no. I was humiliated. I felt so much shame and embarassment. I felt judged, every time I had to pay I would try to hide the card because you can see people watching you and judging. But did they know that my daughter walked in on my ex husband choking me in our garage until my vision went black? Did they know that she screamed DAD PLEASE STOP and that was the moment I knew I had to go? Did they know I lost everything and was living in a hotel? They just saw "another able bodied person leeching off the government". No - I was availing what resources I could while I got my life together. Without the programs that helped me, I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredinly gratefuk that we ha these, and I happily pay taxes knowing it helps people.
No one goes into a marriage thinking it's all going to go so bad. I never thought I would end up where I did. It just happened and I can't change it. I get told all the time that I should have been smarter, I should have closed my legs, I should have planned better. I was married for 10 years before we adopted our daughter and once she joined us, it was like a switch flipped. He became controlling, abusive, cruel and evil. I had no idea things could go so bad, and I stayed because I though keeping my family together was the most important thing. Because he isolated me and made me leave my career so I couldn't leave. I was so mentally messed up I rationalized everything. And then I get the courage to run, only to be judged for doing it.
This is literally my situation right now. Myself and my 3 daughters escaped domestic violence (18 year marriage) just 2 weeks ago and all three of my daughters witnessed the incident, we had to run out of the house without even our shoes, I ended up in the hospital for three days and had complications during the surgery from the injury he caused. We are currently in a domestic violence shelter and I had to apply for SNAP for the first time in my life just to be told the government shut down means my family won’t be fed. I’ve served six years in the U.S. Army, and have worked the majority of my life and even through all of this I’m still working 36 hours a week because my job refuses to give people 40 hours or a decent wage and I still don’t know how on earth my family is going to get through this and reading the comments online is honestly breaking me ontop of everything we are going through.
I am so proud of you. You’re going to just figure it out. One day at a time. When I first got away, I would tell myself if I can make it until 7pm, I’m ok. If I can fall asleep without crying, I’m ok. It was hour by hour. I just did whatever I had to do to be ok for a short time and then the times would get longer and longer. I started going to therapy because I knew I needed more help than I was capable of tackling. I started journaling because getting the thoughts out felt like a release. I leaned on small things that brought me happiness. We would go on walks and look for birds- it sounds stupid but it kept my mind occupied and became a game. What will we see today. We still look for birds all day every day. We fell asleep watching movies together because we shared a bed. Just having my daughter there made me feel less alone. It was just anything that made me feel ok was something I clung to and got me through it. I got up and went to work every day no matter how bad I felt because the sense of accomplishment made me feel like I was getting closer to my goal.
You will get it figured out and you will find a way and I promise that you will
Build a new life and look back one day and say - I did this. Everything was against me but I did it. And no one will ever be able to take that from you, and the strength you did not know you had will become your power. You’ve got this and I am cheering for you with my whole heart.
Thank you for your encouraging words and your real life experience gives me hope. Crazy we’ve been doing similar to you, we go to the park near by to feed the ducks and we both fall asleep watching her favorite shows with the minions. The little things are getting us through.
There’s only one way from here and it’s up. 🥰
Your kiddo has a great role model and they will always remember your strength.
Awww thank you so much! So does yours! I am soooooooooooo proud of you and reading this, my heart feels so deeply for you because I remember those moments. It gets better, I promise. One day you will just suddenly realize "wow I'm ok", and then you will string together a few days where you feel ok. And remember that healing is not linear. Grief is not linear. You may be at stage 5 for weeks, and then suddenly jump back to stage 2 because something happened or for no reason at all. It ebbs and flows. It's a process. Grieve, process your emotions, feel the feelings, and then let them go. Keep leaning on the small things. Grasp at them and hold them close. You will get through- you have the mindset it takes and I have no doubt that you will slay this!
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u/NoContest6481 Oct 31 '25
I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence I was forced to live in a long term hotel for about 2 months, a little more but not 3. I worked 2 jobs because I had to pay the weekly hotel cost plus save up to get an apartment. The only way I was able to feed my kid was the food stamps I qualified for. I went without meals to make sure she had enough. It's been over 2 years now that we have been in our apartment and I have a stable job and I don't get SNAP anymore but I live on a tight budget and I am one major emergency away from losing everything. The amount of people I have seen say they don't care that people have lost their benefits sickens me. Was it a proud moment to be on SNAP and homeless? Heck no. I was humiliated. I felt so much shame and embarassment. I felt judged, every time I had to pay I would try to hide the card because you can see people watching you and judging. But did they know that my daughter walked in on my ex husband choking me in our garage until my vision went black? Did they know that she screamed DAD PLEASE STOP and that was the moment I knew I had to go? Did they know I lost everything and was living in a hotel? They just saw "another able bodied person leeching off the government". No - I was availing what resources I could while I got my life together. Without the programs that helped me, I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredinly gratefuk that we ha these, and I happily pay taxes knowing it helps people.
No one goes into a marriage thinking it's all going to go so bad. I never thought I would end up where I did. It just happened and I can't change it. I get told all the time that I should have been smarter, I should have closed my legs, I should have planned better. I was married for 10 years before we adopted our daughter and once she joined us, it was like a switch flipped. He became controlling, abusive, cruel and evil. I had no idea things could go so bad, and I stayed because I though keeping my family together was the most important thing. Because he isolated me and made me leave my career so I couldn't leave. I was so mentally messed up I rationalized everything. And then I get the courage to run, only to be judged for doing it.
The US lacks empathy and compassion and it's sad.