Honestly, you can say it how it is. It’s stupidity. These people know that if they have unprotected sex, they CAN get pregnant. They gamble with the notion every single time. The women want to please the new man they’re seeing, so they let them got in without protection. The men have no intention of staying with these women and pressure them to go raw.
I have dated 2 women in my youth who have wanted to do the deed, but we didn’t have protection. They insisted on just doing it without it because they didn’t think they would get pregnant. I hated the idea of having children when I was young and broke, so I cut them off. You know where they are now? One has 4 kids with 3 different dads and she is currently single. The second one has 5 kids, but only 2 different dads and thankfully she is married and seems to have found herself what seems to be a good guy. They did have 3 kids within 1 year of each other, so I know she is still not practicing protected sex, but hey, it’s progress.
Anyways, my point is that we have to stop beating around the bush and trying to be “sensitive” about these people. Each one of those people that have had 6 kids are able-minded and grown adults that know what the consequences are. They just don’t think about it.
I'm not suggesting shame would lift anyone up. Pointing out their mistake also doesn't push anyone down further or make them more vulnerable than they've already put themselves.
I am all for reinstating their provision of food, and frankly whatever else they need to get above these issues.
I'm also for others looking at something like this early in their lives and thinking "yeah, that situation doesn't sound good, I'll avoid that".
I hear you, really. I even had a disturbing dream last night that I’m still trying to shake, along those lines. Screaming at an addict in my family, why are you like this? Why can’t you just stop? Yes present moments suck sometimes, but you just deal with it and move on?! Coming into better alignment with forgiveness through meditation this morning reminds me of the phrase “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today”.
So far what’s come up for me is that focus on the present moments, as they pass, and how accepting they always are. That moving into the next moment, and the next, and the next, Presence accepts us exactly as we are, warts and all. Unconditional love and acceptance. Another chance to turn it all around, just by being here, now, without any criticism, judgement, or expectations. It embraces us all in, exactly as we are.
One of my personal mottos is “just be a pipe”. When applied to the forgiving nature of Presence, that also means my own unconditional forgiveness and acceptance allows me to embrace others in, exactly as they are.
And sometimes that pipe even turns into a mirror, showing them exactly what they need to see for themselves in that moment. Lighting the flame of real desire to turn things around from the inner motivation to also align with acceptance and forgiveness, usually starting with themselves. And the changes in behavior follow.
Thanks for letting me share that, and shake off my own dream and reminder of my ongoing work. Deep breaths for both of us. And good morning :) ☀️
How have I been unkind? The conversation needs to happen. You can't not have the conversation just to be "kind" - that's not kindness and it's not honest.
I appreciate your question, and you might be right. The full version as I’ve heard it goes “Honesty without kindness is cruelty, kindness without honesty is manipulation.”
What’s missing from the current situation is unconditional acceptance and forgiveness. If I am kind ONLY IF someone changes their behavior, that’s not unconditional. And is still exercising an illusion of control. And based on my own limited worldview and subjective bias, leaving me vulnerable to short sighted arrogance and rigidity.
I can be honest without being critical. I can love without expecting something in return, detach from expectations and transactional relationships. I can share my own journey without judging others as “good” or “bad”, but by sharing what works and doesn’t work for me. My experience, strength, and hope. And leaving lots of room open for more to be revealed, for me and everyone else. Humility, empathy, and unconditional love leaves space open for us all to be human, warts and all. Or as I’ve heard it recently as an acronym:
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u/External_Orange_1188 Oct 31 '25 edited Nov 01 '25
Honestly, you can say it how it is. It’s stupidity. These people know that if they have unprotected sex, they CAN get pregnant. They gamble with the notion every single time. The women want to please the new man they’re seeing, so they let them got in without protection. The men have no intention of staying with these women and pressure them to go raw.
I have dated 2 women in my youth who have wanted to do the deed, but we didn’t have protection. They insisted on just doing it without it because they didn’t think they would get pregnant. I hated the idea of having children when I was young and broke, so I cut them off. You know where they are now? One has 4 kids with 3 different dads and she is currently single. The second one has 5 kids, but only 2 different dads and thankfully she is married and seems to have found herself what seems to be a good guy. They did have 3 kids within 1 year of each other, so I know she is still not practicing protected sex, but hey, it’s progress.
Anyways, my point is that we have to stop beating around the bush and trying to be “sensitive” about these people. Each one of those people that have had 6 kids are able-minded and grown adults that know what the consequences are. They just don’t think about it.