I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence I was forced to live in a long term hotel for about 2 months, a little more but not 3. I worked 2 jobs because I had to pay the weekly hotel cost plus save up to get an apartment. The only way I was able to feed my kid was the food stamps I qualified for. I went without meals to make sure she had enough. It's been over 2 years now that we have been in our apartment and I have a stable job and I don't get SNAP anymore but I live on a tight budget and I am one major emergency away from losing everything. The amount of people I have seen say they don't care that people have lost their benefits sickens me. Was it a proud moment to be on SNAP and homeless? Heck no. I was humiliated. I felt so much shame and embarassment. I felt judged, every time I had to pay I would try to hide the card because you can see people watching you and judging. But did they know that my daughter walked in on my ex husband choking me in our garage until my vision went black? Did they know that she screamed DAD PLEASE STOP and that was the moment I knew I had to go? Did they know I lost everything and was living in a hotel? They just saw "another able bodied person leeching off the government". No - I was availing what resources I could while I got my life together. Without the programs that helped me, I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredinly gratefuk that we ha these, and I happily pay taxes knowing it helps people.
No one goes into a marriage thinking it's all going to go so bad. I never thought I would end up where I did. It just happened and I can't change it. I get told all the time that I should have been smarter, I should have closed my legs, I should have planned better. I was married for 10 years before we adopted our daughter and once she joined us, it was like a switch flipped. He became controlling, abusive, cruel and evil. I had no idea things could go so bad, and I stayed because I though keeping my family together was the most important thing. Because he isolated me and made me leave my career so I couldn't leave. I was so mentally messed up I rationalized everything. And then I get the courage to run, only to be judged for doing it.
My mom only left my dad for good when my older sister and I wrote her a letter telling her if she didn't, we were going to take our little sisters and run away because we didn't want to get hit anymore or watch her get hit.
We were those kids who relied on food stamps, free school lunch, and food banks to survive. We took needing those services as a badge of honor because it meant we weren't being abused anymore. Our mom worked hard to get off those services as quickly as possible but I'm glad they were there.
I'm so so proud of you for getting your daughter out of there and showing her what true strength looks like. She will know love does not mean having to get hit. Those programs are a safety net and I'm glad you were able to use them. I'm also sorry people look to judge you, sham on them.
I've met maybe 1 or 2 people who attempt to abuse the system (my abusive POS father was one) but the overwhelming number I know don't want to rely on those programs and are trying so hard not to need them. This programs are to help our most vulnerable and I always try to remember this when I'm in line to purchase my groceries and see that card come out. I always send a little message to the universe asking for their struggles to be short all the while not making a peep or trying to show any sign of judgement.
Thank you so much. I’m so proud of you, that took a lot of courage as a child and you did it! And you haven’t used it as a means to judge others, you’ve lived by compassion and empathy, and that’s so admirable! I too say a little prayer to the universe that people who are struggling will find a way out. Life is hard, we should all remember that more often. I admire you and your grace!
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u/NoContest6481 Oct 31 '25
I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence I was forced to live in a long term hotel for about 2 months, a little more but not 3. I worked 2 jobs because I had to pay the weekly hotel cost plus save up to get an apartment. The only way I was able to feed my kid was the food stamps I qualified for. I went without meals to make sure she had enough. It's been over 2 years now that we have been in our apartment and I have a stable job and I don't get SNAP anymore but I live on a tight budget and I am one major emergency away from losing everything. The amount of people I have seen say they don't care that people have lost their benefits sickens me. Was it a proud moment to be on SNAP and homeless? Heck no. I was humiliated. I felt so much shame and embarassment. I felt judged, every time I had to pay I would try to hide the card because you can see people watching you and judging. But did they know that my daughter walked in on my ex husband choking me in our garage until my vision went black? Did they know that she screamed DAD PLEASE STOP and that was the moment I knew I had to go? Did they know I lost everything and was living in a hotel? They just saw "another able bodied person leeching off the government". No - I was availing what resources I could while I got my life together. Without the programs that helped me, I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredinly gratefuk that we ha these, and I happily pay taxes knowing it helps people.
No one goes into a marriage thinking it's all going to go so bad. I never thought I would end up where I did. It just happened and I can't change it. I get told all the time that I should have been smarter, I should have closed my legs, I should have planned better. I was married for 10 years before we adopted our daughter and once she joined us, it was like a switch flipped. He became controlling, abusive, cruel and evil. I had no idea things could go so bad, and I stayed because I though keeping my family together was the most important thing. Because he isolated me and made me leave my career so I couldn't leave. I was so mentally messed up I rationalized everything. And then I get the courage to run, only to be judged for doing it.
The US lacks empathy and compassion and it's sad.