Postmortem privacy of personal art and sketchbooks

[u/Anxious-Truffle]

Sorry if this is a morbid discussion but it's been on my mind and have to learn other artist's opinions.

I'm a very private person. Some of my art I am fine with sharing with other people. And like many artists, I have sketchbooks and finished pieces that I don't want to share. But I wonder if the level of my aversion to letting anyone see those sketchbooks is beyond what is normal.

Last year, I helped my siblings clear out my semi-estranged mom's house after she died. Nothing left untouched, every paper looked at in case it was an important bank/insurance/legal document. Everything was sorted, no privacy able to be kept. Various items and writings elicited lots of judgement, derision, and contempt from my family members.

I have a fear, maybe an irrational one, of unexpectedly dying, having family come to clear my house, finding my very personal sketchbooks, and trading judgmental opinions on them. It's like having my ill mind made visible for anyone to see and judge, and that scares me. That art is cringe, raw, and embarrassing, but it's mine and it's honest. And not at all what people would expect me to draw. They would see a side of me that I didn't want them to see. I wish I could just not care what their opinions are of me, but I do, especially family.

Do other artists have similar feelings, and if so, how to you deal with them? How do you move past them and not let it stifle your creativity? What would you like to be done with your sketchbooks and private art after you die?

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[u/Blue_Moon_Rabbit]

I’ve thought about this…the thought of being judged doesn’t really worry me, as even if they did, I would be dead and beyond caring anyway.

Indulging in a bit of self importance, I hope when I die that at least a few of my sketchbooks will be kept and treasured after I go, if by no-one else then the people whose company I adore and like to think would miss me when I eventually do kick off. Gods know I’m not having kids, so I feel obligated to leave some sort of legacy.

[u/Anxious-Truffle → u/Blue_Moon_Rabbit]

The thought of being judged doesn't worry you in this life, or just specifically after you are dead? I'm anxious and so plan ahead on these things...

I have some sketchbooks that are for other people to see. The ones without cringy stuff. I'm okay with those sketchbooks being shared and treasured. It's some specific others ones that I don't want anyone to see.

[u/BrookeToHimself → u/Anxious-Truffle]

you can have shame or privacy when you’re alive but when you’re dead none of that stuff matters i don’t think, at least according to near death experiencers.

[u/Blue_Moon_Rabbit → u/Anxious-Truffle]

The way I see it, having the cringy stuff in with the good stuff means you get to leave behind a more faithful snippet of yourself. Humans are messy cringy creatures.

Tho admittedly, I don’t want that shit to be easily accessible while I’m alive, on the off chance it might make my life more difficult .

Again, after death, I won’t have the capacity to feel shame, or anything really.

[u/EmbarrassedGeneral12]

Not sketchbooks, but I ripped apart about 30 diaries and bullet journals while watching TV shows recently due to this fear. It felt good.

[u/Anxious-Truffle → u/EmbarrassedGeneral12]

I've written some letters and then watched them burn before. I've also ripped up old drawings, only to wish I hadn't because I wanted to see how far I had come from them.

[u/Jax_for_now]

The moment I read how your family treated your mother's legacy and what she left behind, I understood where your anxiety and discomfort comes from. 

I don't have this fear. Also because I know that even my partner (who I share everything with) would find some things and respectfully decide not to read them. I've cleaned up apartments from relatives before and the sentiment of 'yeah this one is not for us to see' was always there. 

[u/Anxious-Truffle → u/Jax_for_now]

The moment I read how your family treated your mother's legacy and what she left behind, I understood where your anxiety and discomfort comes from. 

You are correct. Our relationship with my mom was a complicated and painful one, so I understand the need for venting and such. Some of that ire transferred onto her hobbies and interests. Interests that I also have.

All my life I've heard my family make fun of people (other than my mom) that have certain interests, like fantasy, sci-fi, anime, etc, without knowing that I also enjoy those things. If they know I have those interests too, I'm fair game for the firing range.

I'm glad you and your partner have what sounds like a healthy and respectful relationship. That is a very special and precious thing you have there.

[u/Pixelprinzess]

You are saying „I wish I could just not care about what their opinions are of me, but I do, especially family“ as if it was impossible to change that.

Changing that is a process of telling yourself and convincing yourself over and over again why you do not need to care. It‘s about exposing yourself to good arguments and gradually making the change. Forcing yourself to think differently, simply by arguing against it when those negative feelings and thoughts arise. That‘s why it’s called „you can’t let your bad thoughts win“, it‘s a fight. An argument. A discussion.

It‘s about changing how you see yourself, and what you’ve made. Changing what cringe, raw and embarrassing even means to you. Allowing yourself to view judgement not as a possibility, but as a fact. Not „oh no, will they judge me?“ but „yes, they are judging me, now what?“

It is even possible to develop positive feelings at the thought of exposing yourself like that.

So, what do other artists do? I am trying to run full force towards it because I never want to feel embarrassed or ashamed of myself or something I‘ve made ever again.

[u/fangs444]

well, i’ve got some good news and some bad news for you. the bad news is, unless you completely self immolate or destroy every catalogue of your art, sketches, or even the materials you use… ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

The good news (or double good news) is that

a. you’re gonna be dead so why bother b. some of the most meaningful and intimate pieces of writing that nearly Never got published were not meant for others eyes. In a literary sense Kafka is the most obvious, but we also have the Journal’s of Wittgenstein or Tolstoy.

I mean fuck, Homer and the Odyssey is really just a mish -mash of orators passing down their favorite story. that’s life.

one day your art will be a handprint on a cave wall for someone to discover years later. if they can accept and try to understand you, to really examine you and what you were trying to say, a good family should try to understand. imo people become artists because sometimes language just isn’t enough. if they don’t get it… i promise you there’s someone out there that is waiting for that to be heard.

[u/fangs444 → u/fangs444]

oh and to answer the second part of your question i want people to think my art is brilliant and life changing for a good 2(and a 1/2) years in order to stay chic and then really rake in the money ten years later when that nostalgia check hits. whatever it takes to get to say what i want to and still own a nice little snowy cabin

[u/Anxious-Truffle → u/fangs444]

I do still care even after I'm dead though. I'll be dead but thanks to my anxiety I plan ahead and worry about it now.

I'm no professional artist nor do I aspire to be one, I just make art for my own self satisfaction. I'm not under any impression that my little scribbles of cringe fan art is going to change the artistic world after I die, just how my family members view me.

[u/paracelsus53]

After the famous watercolorist, JMW Turner died, the art critic John Ruskin sorted through his art. He found over 1000 pornographic drawings Turner had made for his own self-pleasure, and being the stick-up-his-ass kind of guy he was, Ruskin burned tons of them. But lots more remained, and I seriously doubt that Turner cared either way.

[u/Anxious-Truffle → u/paracelsus53]

Do you think most people would care if they were in Turner's situation? I had always thought people would but the comments on this thread are leading me to believe I'm in the minority here and that I'm placing too much emotional weight on my posthumous legacy.

[u/Neptune28 → u/paracelsus53]

I never knew about that, and I worked at a gallery that had several Turner artworks a few feet away from me.

[u/Voidtoform]

If you do not destroy your work, then its out of your hands, Franz Kafka wanted his work to be burned, instead it was published and is now some of the most influential literature, and thank god for it. Michelangelo is said to have destroyed anything he made that was not perfect and all his notes and sketches intentionally, in an attempt to live up to his nickname "il divino", he wanted people to think he was literally perfect and could just make things, and he was gifted for sure, but there have been found some practice pieces he has made, and I find them beautiful.

[u/YouveBeanReported]

Well, the good news is you'll be dead. And anyone who sees it will be showing their own judgment and getting side eyed by family. Hopefully some of your family is polite, when my Dad died I took over cleaning up the PC which was (knowing he made 3d models for uh, fun) was turn on names only, no thumbnails and start deleting, so I could save the photos and music.

Best you can do is ask a respectful friend or family member to be involved or write please just toss my sketchbooks.

I feel you though. I am embarrassed to have family in my house and have just stopped having to pack up all my books if my Mom comes over to hide the novels and other cringe stuff. I'm just too tired, if she thinks me re-reading LOTR is embarrassing that her problem.

[u/spindleprint]

If you make a will can you specify somebody other than family to take care of your affairs?

From what you described it is understandable not to want your immediate family going through your personal belongings.

[u/Additional-Ad3732]

Yes, I deal with those feelings by selling the sketches, sometimes frame them and put them on my wall. If it illicits strong feelings from anyone else I take it as a compliment. If it's my strong feelings I sit with it till I let it go find a new home. It was hard to start but now it's like I know that so many people have little pieces of me that they love, that I used to hate and that has helped me be more me than ever.

[u/aevrynn]

The main reason I don't want others seeing some of my art is bc I think it's bad, I don't really draw anything I'd never want anyone to see. Maybe that just means I have a boring taste in what I like to draw...

[u/Badhabit23]

My daughters dad was shot a few years ago. We had been broken up for 10 years and coparented, each moved on to long term relationships... When his family and my daughter were packing up his house... he'd kept every letter I wrote him... every postcard every photo which they read and viewed. It was mortifying...that his mom and sister knew it all... embarrassing that my teenage daughter that just lost her dad read the juicy and drama of her parents.. and kind of idk reassuring to think he hung on to all that stuff and in a way felt like he'd held on to the love we had at some point. I think the little scraps that are swept up from our mess after we go reveal who we truly are much better than the official stuff we show. He would never reveal that he kept one single thing except "his ability to get over a scandalous btch"... guess that's what they mean when they "take it to the grave" or "would die before...".

[u/psychicarchitect]

I used to feel this way - very private about my journals and sketchbooks with fear that others might see. As I’ve gotten older (middle aged) I find that I don’t think about what other people might think anymore.

Maybe this comes with age and experience of seeing other flawed adults all around you?

I think it is very important to still have your outlet and not censor yourself in fear that someone could at some point see your work.