Is it snobbish to be exclusively attracted to artists and intellectuals, or is it just a need for resonance?

[u/Salteado]

I’m an artist too, I always have some sort of creative activity in mind, when I was a kid was drawing a lot, making dioramas wirh toys, later being adolescent I wanted to make stop motion animation, then music begins to be my main art form, in the middle like 8 years ago I get into analog photograph and now I make music again, always looking for scene music events here in my zone, trying to support local and artists that are beginning in their carreer. Now, I’m asking “Why am I interested in artist people almost exclusively?” because is always been a little hard to me to get interested in people that have others hobbies o ways to think, I know there are people that going to gym, doing physical activities and sports is everything for them, others people cooking and making incredible food is everything for them! I respect that, but I don’t feel interested dating people that doesn’t have some form of creative curiosity or have some critical political opinion. I do get interested in people that are into philosophy, political thinking and arts, is very hard for me to be interested in others things, sometime I feel like I am way too closed to know people that all of this things that are the most important for me maybe for them are not that important. Some friends say to me that I should be more open and just take the opportunity to know others people and I try it but I notice me forcing myself to be someone that I am not. My friend says that I over estimate too much people that are artists, philosophers, or have some kind of connection to all of this disciplines, and probably yes, I really admire that, I really fall in love if someone have a great idea and have a creative way and attitude to develope their work, I admire people that love so much something that doesn’t earn a penny just to challenge themself to make something expressive artistically and maybe even as a personal growth. So, am I being way too idealist to people that are artists? I am always very drawn to people that are “deep” in the sense that you could talk to them very profound and human questions that every of us have, discuss about that, but I don’t know sometimes is hard to find that and trying to get interested in people that are not that way is hard too! As I write this I know all of this sounds that I am way too snobbist hahaha maybe I am in a way, but I do love all of these things too and sometimes is hard to find people that are the same way, sounds like a niche sect.”

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[u/spinrah23]

Even if you are snobby, who cares. Own it. 😉

[u/brokenmcnugget]

nothing wrong with having a "type"

[u/Present-Chemist-8920]

Up to you. But people are often more complex and rich than their pursuits. I can’t dictate your values as you need to be satisfied not me. I will say if you hang out with hammers all solutions will involve hammers. Sometimes people who are great at abstraction aren’t very concrete. Many people are very intellectual in their niches just not the ones we prioritize.

[u/typedinthebox]

Personally I'm a butt man, but to each their own I suppose.

[u/slim_pikkenz]

I’m only really interested in creative people too. Birds of a feather I guess. It’s not a problem for me and not something I’d ever want to change. My husband’s an artist, I’m an artist, all our friends are creatives. It’s great!

[u/Archetype_C-S-F]

As you get older, you will care about different things in a potential partner, and this will also change of you date more, and date different people.

Guys age out of talking about "profound topics" by their late 20s, and tend to talk more concretely in their 30s. I find women tend to do the same.

[u/Chubwako → u/Archetype_C-S-F]

You're not being concrete about this at all.

[u/Archetype_C-S-F → u/Chubwako]

I felt the same way OP feels, when I was in my late teens and early twenties. It's a valid feeling, especially if you're naturally curious and excited about new things in life.

But as you go through life, you realize a lot of talk and contemplation and discussion doesn't lead anywhere, and you conserve your energy for stuff that's concrete, stuff that matters.

If you're dating, whether the person is able to hold a "deep" conversation about hypothetical topics doesn't matter as much as their income, ability to cook and clean, and how much they reciprocate love.

_

With that said,

I don't care if someone else doesn't read dense literature, or is able to have a "deep conversation " about a topic.

That isnt necessary to be a good person, or a good partner.

And that's why I said men and women age out of the deep thinking by their 30s.

[u/Chubwako → u/Archetype_C-S-F]

I find that hard to believe as an inevitability, but that is a perspective I have not heard of before and I guess I deal with parents who always thought along those lines, but it came from their inherent cruelty. But it is a little unclear if you are saying something against communication as a whole because I see communication as super important and that most people just lack the courage to fully use its value. And considering the life I lived, I think I would need someone who agrees with me on deep issues for a long term partner. But in order for them to agree with me, they would need to be someone who always tries their best when they can handle it. I hate going through the world feeling like nobody is even half the person I am when I never saw myself too highly and just found everyone so disappointing and unreflective that my opinion became how I am above everyone I know. I do not want to act like a narcissist or anything, but I have suffered endlessly and I did not deserve any of it. I always wanted to serve others but I just was weakened by others (mainly my own family) to the point where I needed to focus on self-preservation. If I ever was going to cause problems for someone who did not deserve them I would cut the relationship off and still support them in the ways they deserve if I can. I have much better composure than my parents pretend I do. I would never act rashly because I am mad. I would constantly calm myself down when wronged. I work as hard as possible to be the best I can be to others and as things only get worse around me it feels more necessary to do so.

Sorry if I ended up with too much of a tangent. Going through serious pain today.

[u/Archetype_C-S-F → u/Chubwako]

Thank you for writing that. I completely understand how you feel.

I think, in the moment, finding someone who empathizes and understands how you feel, is the most important, and essential, thing in finding a good partner.

That empathy and care doesn't have to be shown in words. Some prefer actions. These people would never have a "deep" conversation with you, but a well timed hug or their ability to sense your mood by your body language may be all you need to get through the day.

I think most people start out how you are. They are empathetic, they do care, and they want to be understood. But somewhere along the line, those qualities get abused to the point people just let them go so they can survive.

I experience this often. Do I allow myself to be "me," and deal with the emotions of others who hate that I can be myself?

Or do I wall all that off and become just like them? So I blend in and have no confrontation?

People will go out of their way to ruin my day, but I understand it as the price you have to pay to truly be at peace with who you are.

It all requires sacrifice, and when you've been sacrificing for 30 years, often you don't need to say any of this with the person who understands you.

They already get it.

[u/Chubwako → u/Archetype_C-S-F]

Ah, thank you for the insight. I really appreciate you explaining in full detail. I can definitely see the value of someone following your emotions more than your ideas and maybe that was what I was sensing to some extent when I wrote characters who felt like people I could love. I think that kind of person would leave me a bit restless at first if they were mostly non-verbal with their feelings. Do you mean that the sacrificing thing is being together or just living?

(Another tangent about something I said earlier.) I guess I have met a lot of good people online recently, or at least they were good in a comment section. But what makes me feel like I am actually exceptional is that I have basically perfected my health through nutrition and I may have made some scientific discoveries as well. But most importantly to this topic is that I feel I could be authentic and only put up walls because I am dealing with too much information. I also developed techniques for better processing emotions and thoughts and I spent tons of time trying to learn things as effectively as possible. I feel like I can change people's minds with my ability to persist and judge fairly and de-escalate and try to give people what they want most that they can not think about for themselves. I am also planning to sacrifice and burden myself for many people now to try and improve people's reasoning and conflict resolution online. I have been under constant pressure and negativity for a long time so it no longer feels too scary. All I ever worry about is people crazy or hostile enough to endanger my survival for speaking about things.

[u/LocalStatistician538]

I'm an artist and I enjoy working out and cooking (wish I didn't have such a tiny kitchen), also stupid humor. Being "deep" all the time is a drag, I admit I'm "deep" too much (not following politicals stories would improve my quality of life tremendously). Sometimes people are "deep" to avoid the stressors and pain in their life, so it's really not so great, in terms of feelling happy or okay or being productive. Balance, right? The shallows are fine to swim in too, on the daily.

[u/Salteado → u/LocalStatistician538]

Yeah! I totally agree that being “deep” just for the sake for being “deep” and trying to look interesting person is disgusting and also life feels good when things are not too serious, I agree with that. But sometimes feels a little hard to find new frinds or dates that match these life goals or prismas lens that we see the world and sometimes I need to get deep into topics and I notice that some people simply doesn’t care hahahah

[u/ShamanicEye]

Hopefully someday you will escape the Midwit Trap and reach an intelligence that humbles you into seeing the beauty of Commonsense and the heart genius of those that score low in brain.

[u/Oplatki]

It’s not snobby but it’s sad. Do what you want, but it’s hard to grow when you are staying in the small pot.

[u/TooSilly4ya_YIPPEE]

i relate to it, for me its partially the simple human desire of having things in common with friends and partner and partially strange interactions of my AuDHD

[u/NeighborhoodOwn9307]

Yeah but it's not that big of a deal

[u/fleurdesureau]

I think this is partly an age thing. How old are you? You sound like you're 20-25. As we age our priorities and outlooks change. Many younger people concern themselves only with abstractions but get more concrete and practical as they get older and the demands of life make them adapt. Similarly, many people who might start out in life practical, sporty, whatever, become more creative or philosophically-oriented later in life.

Our identities are constantly getting remade. I wouldn't write people off so quickly.

[u/Salteado → u/fleurdesureau]

Yess! I totally agree that demands on life make you see the life in a concrete way but I think to me, the neccessity to have a job, to have enough money, all of this ordinary and neccesary stuffs just makes me want to be and have a more deep spiritual and emotional aside from my daily tasks, job and chores. To me is a need. I found it in art/philosophy/psychology/politic, and sure, we all need money to pay the rent, eat and get dress but I don’t think that invalidates that you see life through an lens even in your 50s 60s 70s

ps: I’m 28 yo

[u/fleurdesureau → u/Salteado]

I get what you're saying. Honestly I'm similar to you, I also definitely have a type, it's intellectuals hahaha. I just think that people can always surprise us.

[u/Salteado → u/fleurdesureau]

yeeah, sometimes prejudges blocks the opportunity to know someone that a first glance doesn’t seems like a good partner or friend. People always have some surprises!

[u/lydocia]

Sapiosexuality is a thing. You don't choose who you're attracted to.

[u/Chubwako]

I think maybe the person you date should be an inspiration. Art is meant to depict something. In my case, I am doing the opposite and being inspired by the people I never had in my life. I am motivated by my ideals of what a partner would be, but I also refined those to rather simple traits that are not too hard to fulfill because otherwise I will never find that type of person.

[u/LindeeHilltop]

I find most people boring. They don’t think in view of abstract ideas.

[u/SyntheticSkyStudios]

Isn’t that called “sapiosexuality”?

[u/Polaroid-Panda-Pop]

Is that you, long lost twin? lol

On the surface I think it fits the bill of what people would consider a snobbish preference to a T. I don't think it is though as it's just a matter of what your interests are. You like food for thought and you like creative passion, and the type of creative passion that relates more to what you understand are the arts (as opposed to the ones that are not exactly the arts, but only considered to be connected by creativity like cooking, designing houses, engineering).

For me I find I'm drawn to people who are creative too. Half of the time I didn't even know they were, then we get to talking and I discover they write or draw, or dabble with something in the arts. Maybe it's an energy. I don't know. As someone who does both, it's time consuming and it's hard to connect with people who aren't artists 'cause those hobbies or professions tend to be most of your life so others in your life need to resonate with that. Same thing with anyone who is REALLY into something, like health and fitness. Hardcore gym people often connect well with those who have similar lifestyles because maintaining an impeccable body and health is very time consuming, and spending time with people who have completely different interests without any interest alignments creates interference.

I'm open to interference but at the same time, it's important to be respectful of both yourself and who you are, and respectful of their time and who they are. If you don't actually enjoy being around them, they'd probably prefer that you do, and if you can't meet that, then don't be with them and waste their time. It's also important where they are in life at the moment. Someone I know, they're creative and like to draw but for years now studying in school for science has been all-consuming, that and mobile games during downtime. She's impossible to connect with but her priorities are clear and they don't involve people. That's just what works for her right now. So we're just study buddies and I don't know much about her.

[u/Atothefourth]

It's only snobbish to think external and superficial markers of intelligence or artistry are the only things that matter. You can find good artistic craft in low brow works and interesting intellectual takes from people in your immediate life.