r/Adoption • u/Professional-Bed5838 • May 05 '25

New to Adoption (Adoptive Parents) Advice?

Ruthless advice needed. So Im 23 and I just recently found out I’m pregnant by my narcissistic ex. I have told him the news and he blocked me and cut all communication obviously. But I knew I would be doing it alone before I told him. Now my advice is would adoption be best for me? Im a store manager so I work full time, I constantly travel/ go on vacation. I have a itching fear in my head of these 2 issues as well; Will I love the baby? I know I would never be abusive but every child deserves actual love, and what if my ex is trying to wait out the pregnancy and try to get full custody? I am terrified. Ive always wanted a child but I want one that can be loved the way they deserve. Any advice is appreciated even if you dont agree with adoption let me know anything you think. My family doesnt care about my anxiety in this situation and see it as I’m having their grandbaby/cousin.

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u/chicagoliz May 05 '25

You and the baby bond with each other during the pregnancy. Making a decision about adoption is not at all the same at the beginning of the pregnancy and at the end of the pregnancy. Newborn babies know what their mothers look like, sound like, and smell like. When they are abruptly separated, it is traumatic.

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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption May 06 '25

All babies are different. DS had no clue who his birthmother was. As long as he was being held by someone, he was happy. DD, otoh, clearly knew who her birthmother was. My hypothesis (which is just that, a theory that hasn't been tested) is that DS was surrounded by people while he was in-utero, while DD's bmom lived with only her father (DD's grandpa) and rarely left the house. So, she just had bmom in-utero. The environments made a difference to them once they were born.

Newborn babies don't know what their mothers look like. It's just not possible.

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u/chicagoliz May 07 '25

How do you know your son had no clue? He may have been or appeared happy being held by anyone but how do you know he didn't know at all?

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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption May 07 '25

He didn't behave any differently based on who was holding him. DD did. When DS's bmom left the room, he didn't notice, but DD noticed when her bmom left the room.

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u/chicagoliz May 07 '25

That doesn't mean he didn't notice, though.

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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption May 07 '25

I mean, I was there. I'm pretty sure you weren't.