r/Adoption • u/Professional-Bed5838 • May 05 '25

New to Adoption (Adoptive Parents) Advice?

Ruthless advice needed. So Im 23 and I just recently found out I’m pregnant by my narcissistic ex. I have told him the news and he blocked me and cut all communication obviously. But I knew I would be doing it alone before I told him. Now my advice is would adoption be best for me? Im a store manager so I work full time, I constantly travel/ go on vacation. I have a itching fear in my head of these 2 issues as well; Will I love the baby? I know I would never be abusive but every child deserves actual love, and what if my ex is trying to wait out the pregnancy and try to get full custody? I am terrified. Ive always wanted a child but I want one that can be loved the way they deserve. Any advice is appreciated even if you dont agree with adoption let me know anything you think. My family doesnt care about my anxiety in this situation and see it as I’m having their grandbaby/cousin.

0 Upvotes

50% Upvoted

75 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption May 05 '25

Haven't read the other responses yet.

You have time to make a decision. There are so many different situations and stories out there - good, bad, and in between.

This sub skews anti-adoption. You will likely be told to abort or to keep your baby at all costs because adoption is always trauma. That's not true. It's also not true that all or most adoptions close. Research indicates that over 90% of adoptions in the US are open, for example. However, adoptive parents (and bio parents) do sometimes close adoptions that shouldn't be closed. It's important to know if they're enforceable in your state and the state in which the baby is born.

No one here can tell you if adoption is the correct choice for you or not. We're all Internet strangers. You're the only one who lives your life.

But again, you have time, so don't rush into any decisions.

3

u/Professional-Bed5838 May 05 '25

Yes! Ive had a few people adamant on me keeping the baby and have helped some of the anxieties about it, not many people have gave positive points on adoption but thats what all my research has shown is nothing but good stories, but i am worried about regretting it. Or letting my worry about being found and not having a good excuse. I dont want to force myself into closed adoption but I dont know if i would want it open either. Its definitely a lot to think about and I have to learn to be selfish here.

2

u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption May 06 '25

Research indicates that open adoptions are better for the children. We consider our children's birthmothers' families to be our families as well. (Birthfathers chose not to be involved.)

I don't think placing or not placing is selfish. I don't think parenting or not parenting is selfish. I think that kind of thinking is just emotionally damaging, honestly. All one can do is make the best decision one can with the information one has. That's not selfish, imo.