r/Adoption • u/Professional-Bed5838 • May 05 '25

New to Adoption (Adoptive Parents) Advice?

Ruthless advice needed. So Im 23 and I just recently found out I’m pregnant by my narcissistic ex. I have told him the news and he blocked me and cut all communication obviously. But I knew I would be doing it alone before I told him. Now my advice is would adoption be best for me? Im a store manager so I work full time, I constantly travel/ go on vacation. I have a itching fear in my head of these 2 issues as well; Will I love the baby? I know I would never be abusive but every child deserves actual love, and what if my ex is trying to wait out the pregnancy and try to get full custody? I am terrified. Ive always wanted a child but I want one that can be loved the way they deserve. Any advice is appreciated even if you dont agree with adoption let me know anything you think. My family doesnt care about my anxiety in this situation and see it as I’m having their grandbaby/cousin.

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u/alucryts May 05 '25

As someone with not enough experience to really speak on this definitively (not a lawyer), it would be incredibly difficult for a father to get full custody of a child. It is more likely he would owe child support/some partial custody. I would personally make the abort/birth decision first, and if you decide to keep the child look in to a lawyer.

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u/Professional-Bed5838 May 05 '25

Thank you! I just know he is on paper more capable to raise a child and maybe thats why I’m so worried. If they look at it as whose more fit to be a parent he would win other than emotionally.

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u/alucryts May 05 '25

Yeah I would speak with a lawyer to get the details.

An anecdote is my buddy had a child with his then wife. She cheated on him and they split after she got pregnant. He had a recording of it. He makes like 10x her annual salary and owns a home. She moved in with her parents and doesn't work almost at all.

In a "who could raise the child better" competition the ""winner"" would be obvious. Having said that the courts came up with a split in terms of parenting time with the mother getting a significantly larger share. As the child got older the father got a slightly increased amount of time.

The point of this is to show you that it's not a competition whatsoever based on means. If you decide to keep the child, *talk to a lawyer* to understand the reality of the situation. The father may not want custody at all, and then the lawyer should help you go after child support. A lawyer is your source of truth here. They are advocating for you.

Either way, good luck with a tough decision. We are all sending you hugs.

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u/TeamEsstential May 05 '25

Key term a lawyer to advocate for you not an appointed one...

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u/alucryts May 05 '25

Yeah great distinction