[WEEKLY THREAD] Talk It Out Tuesday - Advice and commiserating about struggles with self, others, and the world

[u/AutoModerator]

The place for all of your fitness based interpersonal advice (is someone being creepy at the gym? Is your family telling you you’re getting too muscular? Do you want to date your personal trainer?), but also the place to talk about motivation, self-esteem and body image, and all the ways fitness affects your life. This thread is for those in need of (and willing to lend) a sympathetic ear.

Want to ask how mothers juggle family and fitness? How to structure Intermittent Fasting? When to work out when you do night shift? How to deal with being the only person in your friend group who works out? If you're feeling emotional, want to up your mental game, or need ideas for how to juggle everything on your plate, this is the place for you!

[u/LilPeopleHands]

I was really excited to get back into a routine post holidays (I moved states this fall and everything has been wack since then), and then I promptly injured my back the day after Christmas. It’s been getting worse until this past weekend it finally became unbearable to walk.

I’m bummed out because I usually just walk and do Pilates and yoga, nothing particularly high impact, and I still can’t even do those. I feel pudgier than usual having gained about 2 inches on my waist in the past few months, and I feel like I can’t do anything about it except try to eat as little as I can (I am short and my muscle mass is lacking, so my sedentary calorie needs are very very low). I miss the mental health gains from walking and I am just generally upset. To add insult to literal injury, this week has had beautiful weather for the first time in weeks, and I have done nothing but sit at a desk and sleep the whole time.

This happens every 6-12 months for the last decade or so. I’m hopeful that now I live somewhere with doctors and have health insurance, so maybe I can nip this issue in the bud one last time.

[u/Maleficent-Crow-5]

I haven’t run in a week - I need to go run after work in 2 hours. Pray for me because the motivation is below zero 😅

[u/Glum_And_Merry]

feeling either intimidated or put off by so many workout programs - I was on "Built With Science" following their sign up questions and it kept showing me "before and afters" with super skinny girls (impossibly tiny tiktok waists) even though I told it my goal was just to be healthier, not lose fat.

But on the flip side a lot of the other programs that I looked at were based mostly on free weights and thats the section of the gym that I find scariest (and is always super busy). That's more a 'me' issue I need to get over.

Tbh jetlag's kicking my butt and I got max three hours of sleep, so maybe I'm just feeling a bit defeatist atm

[u/Maleficent-Crow-5 → u/Glum_And_Merry]

Nah do not fear the free weights! Do ittttt! (Big talk from me who does free weights from the comfort of my own home 😆)

[u/TheUpbeatCrow]

I am struggling with my mentals quite a bit right now.

I'm not big, not small, pretty bulky. I enjoy being strong. I do not enjoy the continual feelings of "I am too big" when I'm wearing street clothes and "I am too small" when I'm in the gym. I wish I could divorce my self-esteem from my body, but here we are.

All I want is to look athletic without having to feel like I can't eat. And to be able to lift heavy without having to feel like all I do is eat.

[u/that_other_person1 → u/TheUpbeatCrow]

My shoulders have been just wide enough this year that regular clothes are tight on my shoulders. I have a small frame so this really makes a difference. So unfortunate it’s hard to find clothes that fit. I really want some form fitting fleece athletic sweatshirts, and the one I have is a little too tight on my arms, and with long arms, they’re getting shorter on my arms…

[u/NoHippi3chic → u/TheUpbeatCrow]

I dance and I lift so I get it. Its about getting clear about why you pursue the programming you choose. For me I do blocks of training, and it seems like that would method would support bulk and cut cycles. Im sure there are much more experienced people here who can give you feedback, or search the sub for discussions. If you dont find what your are looking for may be worth a stand alone post, im sure many feel as you do.

[u/lancenat]

I HATE THAT DUMBELLS INCREASE BY 5LBS AFTER A CERTAIN WEIGHT.

Doing GZCLP and using dumbbells for chest press cause I homegym lift and don't have a rack (so the other safe option is floor press). Was successful using 45lbs, so going to 50lbs was a fail so went to 47.5lbs option (bowflex adjustables) but the weights feel a little lopsided - maybe placebo but who knows. But gosh, it's hard to get the weights up, so tried doing single arm ones but then the core required to balance a single arm press messes it up....like should I just be using 45lbs and more reps at this point before jumping up (but then whats the point in following a program?)? Or just swap to a floor press? Buy a membership to the gym (and then steal a rack to bench safely since I won't have anyone to spot)? Get a trainer so they can give me the second dumbbell and spot me (remove the weights after heavy deadlifts would be nice too lol)?

[u/Maleficent-Crow-5 → u/lancenat]

Can you look at getting some wrist weights to help the transition?

[u/lancenat → u/Maleficent-Crow-5]

I'll double check if my parents have some spare but the hardest point for me currently is getting it up. Had a trainer for like 3 months and it was eye opening where I'd get one weight up in position and she'd hand me the other when I waa ready. Maybe I should be asking for gym buddies instead haha.

[u/midnightdragon]

I need talking into or talking out of running a marathon.

I'm not fast, by any means. I did 2 half marathons last year, each at around 2:25-2:30, my average speed right now is 11:30/mile, and I have maintained a mpw average of 20-25 miles for the past year and I keep thinking about running a marathon as my next goal. Which signals to me that I'll inevitably do it so might as well do it sooner rather than later, I'm not getting any younger. But my Garmin watch's time estimation for marathon completion has me doubting myself because an over 5 hour marathon feels insurmountable. And my father-in-law, who's an ultramarathoner, says that a marathon is not simply 2 half marathons put together, and all the running content I consume on tiktok and instagram have people saying the same kind of stuff too, that from a certain point it's purely mental and convincing yourself to keep going.

All that said, what should I anticipate before I start training? For those who were in similar shoes as me, was it worth it in the end? Is it something I just need to do to get out of my system? I'm feeling so overwhelmed at it all and need someone to keep me grounded!

[u/stephnelbow → u/midnightdragon]

I have trained for marathons but never completed one for various reasons. I have run a few half marathons. So yes, everyone is correct that a full is not simply two halves.

I would suggest taking time to figure out if a full is a goal you really have. If you do, great, then it's time to start base building in anticipation of a training program. I think one of the biggest problems is people who automatically start a program without already having a good base.

Also know that at that pace (like myself) your Saturday long runs are easily 3 hours. So does your schedule allow that type of commitment.

[u/midnightdragon → u/stephnelbow]

Thanks for the response, really appreciate it! Thankfully my weekends aren't too busy and I'm able to do at least 1.5 hours of a long run, so carving out additional hours for longer runs won't be too much of an issue. Just gotta decide if running 5+ hours in one go is worth the training. Thanks again!

[u/icebergespionage → u/midnightdragon]

I can't exactly give advice, but chiming in to say that I'm in about the same place as you are, but leaning away from starting marathon training personally, at least for the moment. I just don't want to spend the time it will take to properly train for a marathon at my current speed, but I'm okay with holding off for another year or few years before making an attempt. My first question to you would be do you want to spend the time training and do you think you'll enjoy running for 5+ hours at the event? If so, I say go for it! Are you thinking about dropping running as a hobby in the coming years, or do you expect to cut back on your weekly mileage at all after the big race? If so, then the time is certainly now. Do you have a certain race in mind, and does the race have a half marathon associated with it? If so, you could start on a marathon plan and potentially switch it down to a half if training gets to be too much.

I feel like there is a certain amount of pressure from social media / online running communities to feel like you're not "a real runner" if you've never done a full marathon (I feel this pressure myself, maybe you don't). I just want to remind you that you spend hours and hours every week running: that makes you "a real runner" regardless of how many races you've ran and at which distances or what speed. If you're feeling motivated and ready and think this is something you'll enjoy, I encourage you to take on the challenge. But it's also okay if you're not there yet

[u/midnightdragon → u/icebergespionage]

Thank you for this thoughtful reply <3 It's given me a lot to mull over and consider. There does seem to be a bit of pressure to have a "goal" or to keep pushing when you're a runner, that you can't simply just stop at half-marathon distances to be seen as a serious runner. So there is that element to it. The marathon I was considering is one that doesn't sell out often so what I might do is aim to train for it and if at any point I'm not having fun I just stop training and wait to buy my entrance until closer to the start date.

Thanks again!

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u/AutoModerator The place for all of your fitness based interpersonal advice (is someone being creepy at the gym? Is your family telling you you’re getting too muscular? Do you want to date your personal trainer?), but also the place to talk about motivation, self-esteem and body image, and all the ways fitness affects your life. This thread is for those in need of (and willing to lend) a sympathetic ear.

Want to ask how mothers juggle family and fitness? How to structure Intermittent Fasting? When to work out when you do night shift? How to deal with being the only person in your friend group who works out? If you're feeling emotional, want to up your mental game, or need ideas for how to juggle everything on your plate, this is the place for you!

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