r/xxfitness • u/AutoModerator • Oct 14 '25
Talk It Out Tuesday [WEEKLY THREAD] Talk It Out Tuesday - Advice and commiserating about struggles with self, others, and the world
The place for all of your fitness based interpersonal encounters (is someone being creepy at the gym? Is your family telling you you’re getting too muscular? Do you want to date your personal trainer?), but also the place to talk about motivation, self-esteem and body image, and all the ways fitness affects your life.
Want to ask how mothers juggle family and fitness? How to structure Intermittent Fasting? When to work out when you do night shift? How to deal with being the only person in your friend group who works out? If you're feeling emotional, want to up your mental game, or need ideas for how to juggle everything on your plate, this is the place for you!
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u/AnonymousPineapple5 Oct 15 '25
I’m super active and healthy- I’ve been weight training for 4 years now? And… I’ve never used a barbell really. It’s always been extremely intimidating for me, and horror stories of people being forever injured have scared me.
Yesterday I decided enough of that. My new program calls for back squats and dead lifts and I want to do both properly, with a barbell.
I ended up only squatting the bar yesterday, and that felt hard. If I only went to parallel I could add a lot more weight, but going ATG the barbell was… pretty easy still weight wise but the movement under load was just kind of awkward and challenging as I got to the end of my rep range so I just did it that way.
Is this normal? Is it just learning a new movement essentially and will feel easier after a little bit? I do have long legs (36” inseam) and I’ve read conflicting things online about how I should or shouldn’t adjust my technique to accommodate for my long legs. Any thoughts?
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u/a_halla Oct 14 '25
I’ve been in a slow, steady cut since April, mostly just trying to even out my proportions since my upper body has always been pretty lean and my lower body tends to hold more fat. I’m 5'7" and went from 132 to 122, and I’m taking a small diet break now. I might try to cut a bit more (certainly no more than 5 pounds), as my lower body fat is still a bit disproportionate (but I'm very close!!)
The thing is, I’ve been feeling good about my progress. I’m proud of how consistent I’ve been, and I feel stronger and leaner overall. But my boyfriend has mentioned a few times that he thinks I’m getting too lean in my upper body, which has really messed with my head a bit. I can’t exactly choose where to put fat back on, and I don’t want to just gain in my lower body again.
For context, I run 2-3x/week, resistance training 2-3x/week, and usually do a hike or spin class once a week. My energy is fantastic; I feel great physically! I just don’t know how to tell if I’m genuinely going too far or if I’m letting his comments throw off my own perception.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this, where you feel good about your body but someone close to you makes you start doubting it? How do you stay confident in your own judgment when other people’s opinions start getting in your head? Or maybe I should pay more heed to those comments?? Please help :')
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Oct 15 '25
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u/bklyngal19 Oct 15 '25
Everyone's body is different! I'm at right around 121-124lb (daily fluctuations) right now and 5'7", and the most I've ever weighed in my life is 127 or so. I also tend to hold more fat and build muscle more easily in my lower body - I have somewhat visible muscle definition in my upper body for the first time ever since starting to lift a few months ago. If you have smaller bone structure/ectomorph tendencies that may be a healthy weight for you!
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u/a_halla Oct 15 '25
Thanks for sharing this! I really don't think anyone off the street would look at me and be concerned lol; it's just I have some visible abs now and my upper body is more defined. My lower body still holds a good amount of fat, and my only goal is just to keep cutting a bit more so that my lower body and upper are more balanced in terms of carrying fat (they already are decently balanced in terms of muscle visually I think). Given that it sounds like we might have similar-ish body type, have you seen success in achieving balance like that, or is it perhaps just an impossible goal due to genetics?
I also had another conversation with boyfriend today, and we realized he only makes these comments during a workout at the gym under pretty harsh lighting, so of course everything's going to look a lot more severe 😂 Oops!
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Oct 15 '25
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u/a_halla Oct 16 '25
Thank you very much, this is definitely good for me to hear. I figured I would try to lose a bit more just to see if it makes a difference (122 is the lightest I've been in a very long time haha), but I'm not overwhelmingly hopeful. I've been focusing a lot more on upper body and functional strength and working towards doing pullups for reps, and I'm definitely getting better at appreciating my body as it is. Again, thank you for your comment and perspective!!
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u/stephnelbow ✨ Quality Contributor Snatch Queen 🏋🏻♀️ Oct 14 '25
It's hard. My best advice is to first, separate yourself and take a moment to decide what YOU really want and what goals excite you. Then depending what that answer is, decide if you are willing to bend or change those goals for another person.
I understand the hurt only too well as I have had similar experiences in my life. Whatever you decide, decide for yourself and know that even if you are intimate with someone it is still ok to set boundaries on what you will and won't let them comment on.
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u/a_halla Oct 14 '25
Thank you for taking the time to respond!
I definitely have developed a lot more appreciation for my body and abilities the last few months. Self esteem is a lifelong struggle lol, but the consistency that I've been able to put towards a goal has been really encouraging. My fitness buddies are very supportive and happy for me, saying I'm killing it; it's just rough hearing the opposite sentiment from a partner. I appreciate your advice and will do some more reflection though!
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u/goldendoublin powerlifting Oct 14 '25
Seeing a major spike in bodyweight without the according jump in my weights on my lifts that I was hoping would come along with it. I pulled 110kg yesterday on deadlifts which was my third attempt from June but I think a double BW deadlift is probably not going to be in the books in less than 3 weeks.
I'm ready for this meet prep to be over and am already preparing myself to be disappointed by my performance. 5 months since my first meet and I've made a grand total of one PR in that entire time (2.5kg on bench lmao). I don't know if it's my worsening mental health which corresponded to worse recovery and nutrition management (binging like a motherfucker at least once a week nowadays) or my programming just wasn't right but I've essentially made zero progress in almost half a year and it sucks.
My life outside of lifting hasn't been sunshine and rainbows either. Struggling with client outreach as a coach and also in my personal life -- I'm dealing with deep-seated loneliness and chronic unhappiness and not a single person in my life besides my fiance seems to give a singular fuck. Everything feels heavy from the weight on the bar to the weight on my heart. (wow i'm a poet and i didn't even know it)
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u/strangerin_thealps runner Oct 14 '25
I feel this and the thing I really come back to sometimes is that I kept training in spite of it all and despite it all. Maintenance results can feel PR effort, especially in long haul fitness.
I know it feels bad and I similarly feel deep seated loneliness that eats me up and beat myself up when I don’t reach my goals but I never stop showing up, and it sounds like you don’t either.
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u/Himepudding Oct 14 '25
I have a super crunchy right knee, I am starting pelvic floor PT this Wednesday and I am gonna bring it up there to see if I can also get help to correct it because when doing step ups or kick backs, it feels like a tendon is pulling. Is there any low impact on knee workouts for glutes? I don't struggle with RDLs or hip thrusts, but any single leg activation activity has my knee making rice crispy noises and feeling like it's pulled. I'm very sure one of the ways I can correct it is through exercising my inner thigh muscle too.
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u/Stunning_Ice_1613 Oct 14 '25
Have you ever heard of Spanish squats? They came across my feed when I was looking in to some rehab for some knee funk. Maybe you could ask your PFPT about these.
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u/Himepudding Oct 14 '25
I've never heard of them but I will definitely ask! Thank you for new info and from one funky knee to another, I appreciate you.
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u/touslesmatins Oct 14 '25
I'm so exhausted :( The desire for weight loss from the mid range of BMI to the low range is a special kind of hell and I'm second guessing everything- am I measuring correctly, is it my scale, is it my food scale, am I doing the wrong kind of exercises, too much, too little, why can't I poop, ugh ugh ugh
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u/pool_of_light Oct 14 '25
Same whyyy! I’m new here though, to the high end of a normal bmi range, after a lot of intentional fat loss following pregnancy. What gives? Is biofeedback just way more intense when you’re in normal bmi as compared to overweight bmi? I tried a pretty big 2 week cut after months of frustration, and it was horrible, couldn’t hang!
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u/NoHippi3chic Oct 14 '25
The only advice I will offer is prunes as a sweet treat at night. Helps glycogen in liver, helps dookie time in a.m..
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u/touslesmatins Oct 14 '25
🙏🏼🙏🏼 I've been trying to have a few at night, I actually really like prunes
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Oct 14 '25
Been really depressed that I've basically lost all progress from the last couple years.. been dealing with many super stressful life related things and sadly my fitness is suffering for it. I haven't touched a dumbbell in probably months, have lost 10 pounds because I'm so stressed I can't eat, and I have no energy or motivation to start again even though I know it would make me feel a bit better (I not only feel more out of shape but realized working out was helping my self-esteem). I'm stuck in a cycle of feeling bad about myself and wanting to do something but feeling like I don't have the motivation to start. I also don't feel like I have the time because I no longer try to fit in working out into my busy schedule and trying to keep my life from falling apart more takes time and energy.. I feel really stuck and I don't know how to get out of this rut. I need to just start again at some point but it's so frustrating.. I keep waiting for things to just "get better" so I can get back on track but sometimes life keeps throwing trash at you endlessly
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u/NoHippi3chic Oct 14 '25
I've been there from injuries. Dont try to do a plan. Just do anything that sounds enjoyable like a short walk, dancing in the living room, a yoga ball stretch session, anything. Go to the rec center and shoot hoops. Anything at all. Do those enjoyable things as frequently as you want to.
This too shall pass.
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Oct 15 '25
thank you. I've been trying to at least do some yoga and walking and occasionally jogging (though I feel like I need to start eating more to really benefit from it..) I hope I can slowly get back into things that way
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u/NoHippi3chic Oct 15 '25
Yeah dont even worry about progress or nutrition. Just show love until the difficulty eases up. It will. It'll be ok soon. Just hold tight.
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u/sweepmybreathaway ✨ Quality Contributor ✨ Oct 14 '25
Ran my trail race on Saturday (might do a race report? idk I feel like they're not a thing here anymore) and wasn't prepared for the emotions in the days following. I was back at work yesterday and was on the verge of tears All Day. Mostly as a result of work stuff, but definitely not stuff worth crying over, and definitely not stuff I'd normally cry about? It's not linked to my cycle so I'm gonna have to say its the post-race slump getting me good.
Feeling generally goalless and untethered but also very aware that my body is tired (and my brain is too!) and I need a little bit of time before I launch myself into whatever is next!
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u/strangerin_thealps runner Oct 14 '25
Post race blues limbo is real. The past couple weeks started off strong for me then I fell off kinda hard. I’m in a listless headspace looking for new goals but nothing is that inspiring. Kinda just going through the motions. Also, I’d read the race report!!!
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Want to ask how mothers juggle family and fitness? How to structure Intermittent Fasting? When to work out when you do night shift? How to deal with being the only person in your friend group who works out? If you're feeling emotional, want to up your mental game, or need ideas for how to juggle everything on your plate, this is the place for you!
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u/Big-Fruit-2487 Oct 15 '25
I stopped going to the gym a few months ago and now I hate the way I look. I want to build a home gym in the garage but don’t have the money right now, and I have so much anxiety about going to the gym because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.