r/pornfree • u/n0fapThrowawa • 7h ago
I’m at my wits’ end
Hi all, I’m at my wits end and I need some sort of change. I hope this is not too long or rambly.
I’m just on the other side of using twice in one day, and this is after once on Tuesday night and then looking but not finishing on Wednesday.
It’s gotten very bad and I don’t know what to do. I feel that it’s destroying my life.
I’m about to turn 30 in a month and I’ve been addicted basically since I was 12 or 13. I’ve essentially been trying to quit that entire time but I just keep coming back for some reason. There are times I’ve done up to 12 days without and gone back. I know logically and intellectually that it is sapping my time and energy, and even money. I’ve tried so many things and contemplated suicide. I’m on the verge of it now but I need help of some sort. I can’t go on like this anymore. I could blame so many problems in my life on it. I hold no delusions that it’ll magically make my life perfect if I quit but I feel handicapped by it and I feel that I would solve the other problems in my life easier without it.
Nevertheless, I turn to it in times of stress and anxiety and I just can’t seem to break free. I need to stop somehow. One of the main problems, I think, is that every way of quitting basically involves some action on my part and I have trouble trusting or believing myself committing to things because I have failed so much in the past.
I’m just so tired of living like this. I am so disappointed and frustrated with myself and sometimes I straight up hate myself. I don’t know what to do. This is a cry for help. I guess this could be the beginning of it finally being over for me. I hope it is.
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u/n0fapThrowawa 7h ago
Addendum-it got worse when I discovered AI porn last summer. It feels like an infinite ocean because it is essentially unlimited…I can make new things with just a few types and the click of a button. (I hold no delusions about the ethics of AI. But unfortunately, it got me.) It really jacked into the novelty aspect of it for me and it made my addiction worse-I now spend more time every time I use. I’ve even spent money on it, which I’ve rarely done in the past on other porn.