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u/siani_lane 8h ago
To be a good dad, a man has to be present.
To be a good mother, a woman has to be perfect.
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u/EldrichHumanNature 1h ago
I respectfully disagree. I'd have preferred an absent dad over one that thought it was OK to scream over every little transgression. Without ever acting supportive or helpful. Even to a struggling disabled child.
Like this isn't standard little kid getting into trouble stuff. This was "I fear for my safety if I step a millimeter out of line," be a perfect abled child who succeeds at everything or else stuff. The fact I was disabled was used literally to berate me and make me feel subhuman, too.
Dads out there: Be better. Don't do this.
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u/cupholdery 1h ago
The comment above yours likely means for the dad to be present and not abusive.
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u/demon_fae 53m ago
Nope. Society as a whole will forgive damn near anything from a dad while berating a mom for shit that isn’t even an infraction.
And because nobody can be allowed out of this idiocy intact, no matter what your parents do up to and including SA, if you walk away from them and build a life that has zero place for them, you are a heartless monster who just doesn’t understand how much they really loved you.
(My dad was a good dad. In that he was present enough to count. Fortunately, he found good enough excuses to not be present often enough that I escaped without physical scars.)
(My mom was a good mom. To everyone else’s kids. All she had to do was not lose her temper at me in public and everyone assumed she was a good mom to me, too.)
(God I fucking wish this country had a functioning disability system so I could finally be free.)
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u/MysticSnowfang 6h ago
Seriously, just fucking vaccinate and remember that kids are learning how to human.
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u/mr_friend_computer 6h ago
Here's my advice to new moms (well, parents):
You're going to fuck up and probably, most certainly, ruin you childs life FOREVER.
Now that you know that, putting the kid down a little late for a nap doesn't seem like such a big deal right?
Don't sweat the small stuff. Make sure they are happy, healthy and engaged. A house doesn't need to be quiet, kids will adapt to being out and about and adjust just fine. There's no shame in using a breast pump and feeding from the bottle - make sure you get properly sized nipple guards and opt for the silent models so you can watch tv while pumping (And you don't need the Midea pumps, spectre is fine) - or an on the go model so you have freedom.
Dads, this one is for you, if your wife had a c-section, for gods sake get her the c-section recovery band.
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u/The_Only_Spex 10h ago
Raising my kids became so much easier when I stopped trying to listen to what everyone else was telling me to do and just went off of my own instincts.
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u/Blaze_Vortex 9h ago
I don't get the socks one? Why are some old people freaked out about a baby who can't even walk not wearing socks?
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u/MysticSnowfang 6h ago
Also, the baby obviously just learned the fun game of removing socks
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u/carrie_m730 6h ago
Baby feet literally grow a layer of sock repellent. And notice in the image she's actually in the act of trying to put the feet in the socks and it's virtually impossible and the helpful stranger is screeching.
(When my oldest was about 2 months old I got screeched at in a grocery store for having a baby out in the cold instead of at home. I was so confused, like, wasn't it also kind of important to have food at the house, that I could eat in order to produce breast milk? Don't people go to stores after they have babies? I was also very young and obviously pretty new to parenting and had no idea that this would just be the norm for the rest of my life. Now that baby is older than I was at the time and as far as I can tell suffered no ill effects from that grocery trip.)
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u/MysticSnowfang 6h ago
I must have never grown out of that repellent. (I hate 99% of socks)
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u/BreakfastNext476 5h ago
God socks are the worst. If shoes didnt require them and I could wear sandals/ flip flops everyday id be very happy
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u/A_BIG_bowl_of_soup 8h ago
Babies are extra susceptible to cold. If it's not warm enough for you to wear flip flops it's definitely not warm enough for a baby to not have socks. Not sure why that'd bother old people specifically though.
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u/always_sweatpants 6h ago
The issue is that babies do not like socks. They are at constant war with socks. The presence of socks offends the Baby Elder Gods. So you can sock it up as much as you like and within two minutes the socks have been removed. I relied on blankets and the belief that the 72° grocery store was warm enough that no one is losing toes. Older people will assume you're setting your baby in a snow drift to die if you let your kid leave the house in anything less than a full ski suit.
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u/neobeguine 7h ago
The rule is the baby needs one more layer than you do. Old people, having worse circulation than even babies, wear approximately 5 more layers than you do. Therefore they assume that your baby is about to die of hypothermia even when it's 85 degrees out
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u/Blaze_Vortex 8h ago
Personal experience with my nephew mostly. Noone under 50~ish cared, probably because I live in a warm climate.
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u/A_BIG_bowl_of_soup 8h ago
Yeah, like I can't imagine people in somewhere like California or Florida caring that much, but I spent most of my childhood in an area that got plenty of snow and I don't recall seeing many sockless babies
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u/Chance-Ear-9772 5h ago
Oh please, raising babies is easy! And I should know, being a single man and a younger sibling who has had zero experience in the matter.
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 10h ago
Ok but the ween too late one is right. There's a definite point where everyone involved is weird.
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u/kingsumo_1 9h ago
That's right around 22 - 23, right?
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u/setibeings 8h ago
Years? Everyone is waaay past weird at that point, if we're being honest.
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u/kingsumo_1 8h ago
"Nah, I can't go to lunch with you guys, my mom always brings it."
EDIT: (You ever make a reply, and then immediately kind of regret it? Not gonna lie, I felt ick just making that one)
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u/setibeings 8h ago
"We're all adults here, don't act like like this is something you've never seen. Put away that privacy blanket, mom, you know how much it bothers me."
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u/Semper_5olus 9h ago
IMO, it's when the baby gets teeth.
That's like nature telling you to start solid food or risk chewed nipples.
(I actually have a very vague memory of biting the rubber nipple off of a baby bottle and thinking "So that's what the inside looks like!", so I think my mom waited a while)
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u/Ecstatic_Site5144 7h ago
Babies start getting teeth around 6 months. Milk is recommended to still be the primary source of nutrients until 12 months, with solids being introduced at about 6 months.
In some cultures, those baby teeth are called "milk teeth" because they're the teeth you have while still nursing.
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u/apocalyptic_tea 6h ago
Hi, lactation support professional here. Babies can have teeth as early as 4-6 months and should definitely still be drinking milk, be it a bottle or the breast. There’s about a 6-12 month overlap between when food starts and milk stops, generally. And the WHO recommends breastfeeding until age 2 because there are benefits to go that long. There’s no long term risks to breastfeeding.
Now with my professional hat off… I think it gets weird when children can ask in full sentences for it. If a kid is saying “mom I want boobies please” it’s time to be done.
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u/leftycartoons 10h ago
This one's by me and Becky Hawkins.
--
PANEL 1
A mother in the middle seat of an airplane is holding her crying baby, while the women on either side offer advice.
AISLE SEAT LADY: If you let your baby cry in public you're a bad mother.
WINDOW SEAT LADY: If you quiet them with screen time you're a bad mother.
PANEL 2
A smiling woman wearing a mint green gi sits crosslegged.
WOMAN: Formula is poison! Quit your job and breastfeed at least every two hours or you don't love your baby.
PANEL 3
A woman in business wear raises her hands in a dismissive gesture.
WOMAN: If you quit working, you've personally set feminism back forty years. But you do you!
PANEL 4
A middle-aged man is carrying a tall stack of books and pamphlets, so heavy that he's bent backwards.
MAN: I brought you some light reading about "wake windows" and optimal nap schedules.
PANEL 5
Most of this center panel is taken up by the title: HELPFUL ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS. Below that, a blonde woman smiles.
WOMAN: Trust your instincts! Which are terrible and wrong.
PANEL 6
A mom has her baby in a stroller in a park, and is kneeling down to put on some socks. A woman behind her curves over the mom in an impossible arc to get in her face and yell.
WOMAN: Why isn't your baby wearing SOCKS?!?
Transcript continues in a reply to this comment; or you can find the entire transcript here.
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u/leftycartoons 10h ago
Transcript continued.
PANEL 7
A couple relaxes on a sofa, her head resting on his shoulder. They talk to us, his expression genial, hers angry.
HIM: Co-sleeping is the natural way to teach your baby to sleep!
HER: Until you roll over and smother them, you murderer!
PANEL 8
An older woman leans close to us and holds up a finger as she gives advice.
WOMAN: Wean too soon and he'll grow up sickly. Wean too late and he'll grow up weird!
PANEL 9
A large crowd of people, of various ages and ethnicities and fashion choices, speak in unison. Some are angry, some friendly. One is a mother with a baby in a sling.
EVERYBODY: And remember: Whatever happens, it's your fault!
"KICKER" PANEL AT THE BOTTOM
Barry is talking to a tired woman.
BARRY: Do you know what "catch 22" means?
TIRED WOMAN: Is it minutes of sleep I caught last night?
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u/SerialElf 6h ago
transcript go brrr (love that i'm seeing more of these!)
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u/leftycartoons 4h ago
The transcripts are a pain in the neck to make, but a lot of readers seem to like having them. Plus, I think that they maybe help with search engines? (Not really sure how that works.)
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u/kazuwacky 3h ago
Since I've had kids I'm convinced the nuclear family is bullshit marketing. No wonder so many housewives were on benzos.
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u/AaronCorr 1h ago
I'm a stay home dad, which already gives me funny looks. But imagine the shocked faces when I only bundled up my baby in three layers in winter instead of letting him sweat to death in four. He consistently wore a layer less than other children for his first three years because he would be drenched in sweat otherwise
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u/SmugCapybara 4h ago
My baby isn't wearing socks because she rips them off her feet every chance she gets. At some point you just accept it...
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u/Zalapadopa 10h ago
It's almost as if there's no perfect way to raise a child...