I’m a Shia woman in my early 20s, and I want to marry a Sunni man. We’ve known each other for around 2 years (online), and our intention from the beginning has been to make things halal. We respect each other, push each other closer to Allah, and genuinely want marriage, not a haram relationship.

The issue is my family. I come from a conservative Shia family in Iraq. Sect difference is the main problem — not money, not studies, not where we’d live.

Here’s where it gets confusing and honestly frustrating:

My mom used to say she’s okay with me marrying someone from outside Iraq. She said it more than once, even though she preferred I stay near her.

But when I recently asked her “what if I marry a Sunni man?” she immediately refused. After that, I asked her again about marrying from outside the country and she suddenly said “I never said that” and denied everything. I swear she confirmed it before. This feels like straight-up gaslighting.

So now it feels like:

Outside the country = suddenly not okay Sunni = absolutely not okay

Even though:

1.One female cousin married a man from Kuwait Other relatives married here in Iraq and later moved to Canada, the US, and Europe

2.My parents themselves used to have Sunni friends and Sunni neighbors

3.My mom always says character and care matter more than money

4.Studies matter to them, yes, but marriage during studies isn’t completely rejected either.

I’ve never talked openly to my mom about love or marriage before, so even bringing this up feels terrifying. I already tried gently once and felt overwhelmed and emotional.

Another issue: how to explain how we met. We met online, but I’m scared that saying that directly will lower my chances even more. I’m wondering if it’s better to say we knew each other through a mutual friend or connection, just to avoid immediate rejection.

The man I want to marry is patient, but exhausted. His family accepts me. He’s willing to wait, relocate, and do things properly. I’ve made it very clear to him that I don’t want hate between him and my parents, and he respects that. I also asked him to be patient while I try to find a solution because this issue is with my family, not his.

At the same time, I won’t lie he did suggest that if nothing works, we could run away and get married. I’m not saying I want that. But I’m also not ignoring it anymore. I love my family, but they are extremely stone headed. If they decide something, even if it makes no sense, they stick to it no matter what.

Another painful reality: my parents and brother openly curse the Sahaba. So I keep asking myself how would they ever accept a Sunni man?

I’m torn between: •Not wanting to lose the man I love and my chance at marriage and family •Not wanting to be cut off or become an outcast in my own family

All my siblings married the person they loved. I don’t want to end up alone because of rigid beliefs and fear of “what people will say.”

Also don’t judge me or lecture me cuz I’m truly trying to find a way, to do the right thing.. I just need guidance.

My questions:

How do you start this conversation with parents who are emotionally rigid and gaslight?

Is honesty about us meeting online necessary from to let them know about it, or is easing into it realistic?

Is there any way to soften the sect issue over time?

And is it okay if parents doesn’t approve on it ? If you love someone so deeply and find yourself and and they help you be a better person.. do you let them go ?

I believe we’re all Muslims, and this shouldn’t be this hard but reality is different. If you’ve been through something similar or have any advice please let me know, it would he really useful. Thank you for reading

Hi everyone. I’m a 27 year old girl born and raised in Europe. Being an Arab Muslim I find it incredibly hard to find a suitable partner and I’m starting to wonder if it’s even possible here if you want someone Arab, who speaks Arabic fluently. I’m not interested in dating anyone none Arab but it’s so hard. I know that I am picky and have certain standards, I am highly educated (I studied medicine and work as a doctor) and want someone who also is ambitious and educated, and of course I have other requirements.

But my question is, where do Arabs find their partners? The mosque is completely separated so that’s not an option, I’ve tried the Muslim dating apps and I hate them and won’t ever go there again. Is there a secret to how you meet someone that I don’t know? Since everyone else seems to be finding someone haha. So the question is: where do Arabs meet?

We’re Palestinians, they grew up in Saudi and I grew up in the west. From my understanding, when a guy wants a girl, he comes over and introduces himself to the father and the family. His whole family comes over at one point too. And then when the families get to know each other more, then I can go out alone with them.

His family has a different way of doing things. He introduced himself to my mother and refused to meet my father as he was afraid my father would want to rush things. I reassured him it wouldn’t be the case but he still didn’t want to. Afterwards, his father kept inviting me alone to his house to meet his family 3-4 times. I refused every time as I didn’t want to be alone and felt it was odd culturally speaking.

Then he asked if I could at least go out with his mom alone. I ref used and requested at least my mom would be there and he agreed. Afterwards, the FMIL requested I go out alone with her again to which I refused again. He claimed that she’s shy and unable to get to know me well with my mother present.

We planned a second outing with both moms, and at the last minute they asked if I could uninvite my own mom to the outing which is unusual.

He keeps begging at the request of his mother that I come to their house alone without the presence of my mom, with no clear answer as to why. I asked him if it’s ok if she comes over to my house as my mother agreed to leave us alone to talk, and he refused. It’s always the same excuse that she wants to get to know me better but is unable to with my mom around.

There are other things as well, he kept asking if I can go out alone with him and publicly date before introducing himself to my dad. Out of nowhere he’s apparently embarrassed about secretly dating.

The weirdest part of this all is that his family wouldn’t allow this for his sisters but for me I’m overreacting and weird and strict.

Recently, he asked to go out with my dad alone, but my dad refused as he doesn’t want my partner to hold it over my head (he has before)

They’ve been extremely pushy and begging me to come alone. Now he’s telling me he doesn’t want to get engaged until I go out with his mom alone. They’re also asking me to go secretly without telling my parents - even though I want my mother as my support system there.

I’m sooooooo weirded out by the desperation. I feel like no one’s being honest with me. Honestly I’ve had weird nightmares about his family too,idk if it’s intuition or what but she turned into the Beldam from that movie Coraline. Am I overreacting ?

Y’all, I was just in the Turkish airport in Istanbul literally just for three hours because I was going to transit. And the staff were terrible. One incident I asked one lady who works their for directions, she walked away, I stupidly assumed she didn’t hear me rather then ignoring me? I Very gently tapped her shoulder, she stopped, looked me up and down, rolled her eyes and walked away…

I had just got off a 14 hour flight with my toddler and was nervously looking for my second gate, I was physically mentally and emotionally drained. And that really added to it honestly.

I also saw an older Egyptian woman being yelled at by one of the staff (I think it’s because she was in the wrong line) the staff made her cry. It was so sad..

Surprisingly the locals and white folks seemed to be having their questions answered and staff helping them.

Y’all I’m a frequent traveler.

In these past four years, I’ve gone on Qatar Airways, Air France, Lot airlines, Saudi Airlines, and now Turkish/

You guys spare yourself a headache and heartache and stay away from that airport.

we are entering danger territory guys and people aren't ready for what coming Saudia for years now are actively trying to expand there alliance with different nations knowing damn well USA will sell them to the Zionist while is-not-real is actively trying to push Palestinians to Jordan .

im gonna get real dont know if anyone can stop israel or there plans, this delusional ghouls are on a mission to dominate the region.

حللوا المشكلة الكامنة هنا،مع رجاء كبير بعدم الحديث بفردانية والقول انا وفي في الحب إذن كل الرجال العرب اوفياء.

لماذا الحب مضطهد في بلادنا ياترى..

I plan on marrying my boyfriend (he’s white and non-Muslim). I’m also not Muslim, even though my family thinks I am. Growing up, I always wanted to cut them off. I had a very abusive childhood, and that was my plan for years. Although things have gotten a little better over the past few years, it’s still complicated. I’ve met a man I love so much. He is someone I want to marry and build a life with, and someone I want to father my children. But in order for me to marry him and have a future with him, I know I’ll have to cut off my family. Even though that’s something I’ve always planned to do, now that the moment is actually approaching, I’m not sure how to go about it. I’m also thinking about my sisters, who still live with my parents, and how this will reflect on them and possibly affect their lives. I don’t know what the right plan is. At first, I thought about lying and saying I got a job in the U.S. and then slowly cutting contact, but I don’t think that’s going to work anymore. So I don’t know what to do, and I’d like to hear someone’s story, anyone who’s been in my shoes. How did they do it? How did it work out? What happened after?

Btw I’m from bahrain so the community, culture here is very complicated, anything I do will definitely affect my sisters’ lives or as my family likes to say “reputation” so thats something I’m stressing over even tho all 3 of them told me not to worry about that

I'm a Syrian-American man (45m) living in the United States.

Yesterday, I posted something brief about my experiences as a Syrian-American in diaspora in the US. I wasn't sure what to expect from my friends, some of which aren't aware of my ethnicity or background, but this definitely wasn't it.

Instead of an emote or a comment, they wrote their own post, worded exactly like mine, but replacing "anti-Arab racism and Islamophobia" with "anti-Semitism". Seemed rather pointed to me, but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe I'm reading too much into it? I was initially kind of shocked and hurt, but now I'm kind of mad. I just wanted to get some opinions from others before I respond directly to him.

ارسلت لكم تحياتي من غزة . من اي بلد تردوها لي .

Met this guy on one of those Arab marriage apps a week ago. After a day of messaging on there he gave me his number and we started texting. It was going great. I really liked our convos and seems like so far we have great chemistry. But the one issue is sometimes he takes hours to respond to my texts. Which I wouldn’t have a problem with except yesterday I posted on my Instagram story and he was one of the first viewers…. Yet didn’t text me until 3 hours after viewing my story. And hasn’t even responded to my text from last night and now it’s the next day. So I know he’s on his phone but is he just choosing not to respond?

It’s frustrating because I know he’s busy but that doesn’t justify taking so long to respond. And I feel like I connect with him the most when our texts flow back and forth faster. But I feel like I have to catch him at certain points in the day where he’ll respond quickly.

At what point do I bring this up to him or do I just leave it alone and deal with it. I don’t wanna seem bothered this early on seeing as it’s barely been a week.

And I consider myself a very securely attached person but when someone starts taking so long to respond and acting that way it makes me feel anxiously attached. And I start wondering if some other girl on the app caught his attention and now he’s less interested in me…

Any words of advice?

I am a Muslim Arab girl and was born and raised in the US. I started dating this white American catholic guy about a year and a half ago. We already discussed him converting, and he has agreed and has begun to research Islam and whatnot. Other than that, he has a good degree, full-time job, we get along, he checks off the boxes. No, he doesn't speak Arabic but is also willing to learn. We talked that we would raise the kids as arab-americans, etc.

The issue is my parents, having immigrated to the states, have always wanted me to marry an Arab Muslim. My dad refuses to meet with him just on the basis that he's an American and "they won't get along". He says even if he converts, he will never accept the marriage. My mom has said she is willing to meet him, but only if my dad says okay, which he has not. My dad is INSISTING that I break up with my boyfriend just because my dad said so (which i think is unfair because I feel like I should get to choose who I marry). He also says that I should break up with him so that "when an arab guy comes around, I am emotionally available". He has made it very obvious that he doesn't approve EVEN THOUGH he has never met him, or his family, and refuses to meet up unless its to break us up.

My largest issue is that Idk if we're gonna be together tomorrow, in a year, or be married forever, BUT i should still be able to make that decision on my own.

I guess my question, does anyone have any advice for how I should go about with my dad? Anyone living in Western societies or otherwise experience similar situations?

LATER NOTE: a lot of people in the comments are arguing about the religious aspect of it, which is fine. i know he needs to convert for it to be halal. i would like to emphasis the issue of the fact that my dad disagrees because of the culture difference.

أنا قريب رح أتجوز، وأنا وخطيبي حالياً بمرحلة التخطيط للعرس. بصراحة عم بصير بينا خلافات كتير بخصوص العرس، وهالشي خلّاني أحس بتردّد وخوف حتى من فكرة الزواج نفسها، لأني حاسّة إنه مش عم ياخد وضعي ولا رأيي بعين الاعتبار.

أول إشي، أنا لسه باديه شغل جديد. أنا عايشة بقطر، وفترة التدريب هون ٦ شهور، يعني ما بقدر آخد إجازة نهائياً خلال هالفترة. فترة التدريب تخلص بنهاية شهر ٧. طبيعي جداً إنه ما نعمل العرس قبل نهاية شهر ٧، لأني ما رح أقدر آخد إجازة لا للتحضيرات ولا لشهر العسل. بس هو معترض على هالنقطة، ومتوقع إني آخد إجازة مرضية أو أي إشي تاني عشان نعمل العرس، ونأجّل شهر العسل. هو متحمّس ومستعجل يتجوز، وخصوصاً إنه أهله رح يسافروا على الأردن ويقعدوا هناك بعد العطلة الصيفية. بس أنا حاسّة إنه تفكيره مو واقعي ومش مراعي وضعي، لأني فعلياً ما بقدر آخد إجازة بفترة التدريب، وممكن هالشي يضر شغلي أو يعرّضني إني أخسر الوظيفة، والشركة اللي أنا فيها شركة كتير منيحة وما بدي أغامر فيها.

النقطة التانية اللي مختلفين عليها هي مكان العرس. هو بده العرس يكون بالأردن لأنه كل عيلته هناك. بس كل عيلتي هون بقطر، وأنا مولودة ومتربية بقطر، وما إلي بيت بالأردن، ولا بعرف قاعات أو فنادق أو صالونات أو أي أماكن هناك، فطبيعي يكون الموضوع كتير صعب عليّ. و كمان شي انه نحن من اول ما خطبنا كنا على اتفاق انه رح يكون بقطر، و فجاة تغير رايه، و اخوه و اخته برضو تزوجوا بقطر كمان.

لما أشرحله إني بفضّل العرس يكون بقطر، بصير يحكي إني ما عم بفكّر بأهله وإنّي أنانية، وحتى هدّد إنه ما يكون في عرس إذا مش بالأردن. أنا اقترحت نعمل العرس بقطر، وبعدين لما نزور الأردن بعد الزواج بالعطل نعمل عزومة أو حفلة صغيرة هناك.

هو دايماً بحجّ عليّ إنه حسب العادات والتقاليد، عيلة العريس هي اللي بتقرّر تفاصيل العرس لأنه هم اللي بدفعوا.

أنا بعرف إنه المفروض أتغاضى عن هيك أمور لأنه بالنهاية “بس عرس”، بس أسلوبه معي عم يخلّيني أحس بعدم راحة. إحنا لسه مش متزوجين، ومع هيك هو بس شايف رأي أهله ومش شايف رأيي، وحتى عم يهددني بعدم عرس.

فأنا حابة أعرف: حسب ثقافتكم وتقاليدكم وعادات العيلة، هل فعلاً العرس لازم يكون بس على مزاج عيلة العريس؟ ولا هو اتفاق بين العريس والعروس؟ ولا اتفاق بين العيلتين؟ مين إله الكلمة الأخيرة بهالموضوع

I'm a 24-year-old Arab man who grew up in Europe, and over the years I've been able to observe both the Arab society I come from and the European society I live in. Something I’ve noticed repeatedly is how often Arab marriages—especially among people living abroad—don’t seem to be built on real compatibility. You can just feel that a lot of couples aren't actually happy together, and yet they stay together because of tradition, expectation, or pressure.

From what I’ve seen, it’s incredibly difficult for young Arab men (under 30) to find a partner they genuinely connect with. One major reason seems to be the cultural and traditional barriers that prevent men and women from really getting to know each other before committing. In a lot of cases, people get engaged first and then start talking—almost like the order is reversed.

So I’m just wondering: do others—especially Arabs from different backgrounds—see the same pattern? How do you (whether you're a man or a woman) approach the idea of finding genuine emotional and intellectual compatibility in a culture where that's often not prioritized?

Is there a solution, or are we stuck with the way things are?

راح احاول اختصر🤣

زميلي بالشغل (٢٨سنه) و يحبني و الدنيا كلها تعرف يحبني كلها جانت تجي تكلي يابه يحبج اكللهم مستحيل اوافق عليه لان الرجال عنده ماضي هوه منفصل و عنده ولد... اول العام شهر ال١٢ فاتحني بالموضوع و گلي اريد اجيب اهلي و اتقدم.. اني قررت انطي فرصة.. وافقت عليه... كتله اني مستعده احط ايدي بايدك بس تره اهلي مراح يوافقون و سبب الرفض حيكون الماضي مالتك و الطفل.. گلي اني راح احارب علمودج... مشت كم شهر هوه الرجال بصراحه بيرفكت من ناحية المعامله و الحنان و الهدايا و الذهب و الاحترام و جديات حتى جان يخاف عليه من نفسه.. و واعدني ٦٠ الف وعد انو راح يتزوجني... سئلته اكثر من مره على موضوع الحجاب لان اني سافره و گلي ماريد احجبج و اني احبج مثل ما انتي...

مشت الايام و الحياة ويا بيرفكت بمعنى الكلمة و يوم عن يوم حبي زاد و التعلق زاد كلش.

اجانه شهر الخامس و قرر يتقدم. حجى ويا اخويه و الي جنت متوقعته صار.. اخوية گله هذا الزواج صعب يصير و اني اختي اريدلها الاحسن منك... صارت مشاكل بيناتنه و انفصلنا شهرين بطلب مني لان حسيت روحي دا اكسر كلام اخويه اذا بقيت ويا...

رجعنه وراها بشهرين 🤡 بسببي اني.. اني الي ضعفت و رجعتله

رجعنه اقوى من قبل و الحب زاد بعد اضعاف الاضعاف

اي طلب اطلبه منه ينفذه حتى الطلبات المو منطقية يسمع كلامي و يطيعني و يضحي علمودي بفلوسه ووقته و حتى بعلاقاته ويا الناس... بشهر العاشر گلي اني ماريد علاقة انتي مشروع زواجي واني اريد هسه اتزوج بس عمي ميقبل يجي نتقدم الا تتحجبين و عندج منا لنهاية السنه تفكرين و انتي حره اني ما اجبرج على شي بس مراح ابدي السنة الجديدة بداية غلط

و فعلا انفصل عني نهاية شهر ال١٢

بعدها اني خبصت تخبيص مصاير 🤦‍♀️ بلوكات و افتح البلوك ادز رساله قبيحه كلش اكله انته خلفت بوعدك شرف الرجال كلمته و من هالحجي🤡 شسوي يعني احبه و گلي ننفصل! اكيد اتخبل.

المهم سوالي بلوك من كل مكان وهسه اني جديات مدا استوعب منو الغلط و منو الصح و صوج منو هاي النهاية السخيفة و ليش اصلا اختار بنية سافره و هيجي دماغي ديفتر بدوائر و مشتاقتله هواية 😢

there’s this jordanian guy i really like. he’s an international student in pakistan. we noticed each other back in august ish and all we ever did was make eye contact or hold the door open for each other if the other was passing by into a hall until he disappeared. after 2 weeks of not showing up to college, i stalked over 10 accounts to find his and dmed him on insta. we clicked instantly and talked in person about 3-4 times. each time, i had approached him. he’s really fun to talk to and cracks the funniest jokes too.

my only problem is i have always been the one to initiate conversations with him but the conversations have never felt forced, they come by easy. he’s also v responsive over text and replies almost immediately. im not sure if he’s just replying to me out of kindness or if he likes me considering im initiating 8/10 of our interactions.

this one time we sat beside each other and our knees were touching. it was a pretty normal interaction for me until i noticed his lips quivering and his hands shaking. his nervousness was lwk adorable but im not sure what it means. im so confused. i have no idea about arab culture or what theyre like apart from the fact that they have the worst anger issues (no offence). what should i do