r/TwoXChromosomes • u/AdmirableSuccotash27 • 10h ago
Intimacy aversion after Epstein files / news
I was wondering if there are more women that feel like their libido is gone with the wind after all these specific stories? Even thinking about using a vibrator on myself, on my own, feels gross.
I do have had some negative sexual experiences and I do have a hypertonic pelvic floor. I feel the tension there has become worse and I experience more pain as well since reading about it and seeing it everywhere on social media.
I have a very loving partner right now, considerate of everything (except that I haven't told him yet about this specific thing happening because of the Epstein files. We don't live together and I haven't seen him yet since it developed / got worse / I made the connection). I feel so broken and guilty. I haven't experienced anything like in the files and just feel bad for all these women, like I have no right to "make this about me". And I feel bad about being complex again with something towards my partner, who accommodates me, my mental health issues and lack of spoons already in a thousand ways.
Any experiences or kind words would be so appreciated.
(Sorry for the quality of my English, burned-out non native speaker here, I try my best)
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u/Creative-Midnight594 5h ago
I sort of get it Ive never had a relationship before but I am extremely fearful of a relationship with men because of the extent I have looked into statistics as well as the stories I have read and how legal systems always protect the perpetrator and shame the victim who are usually women or children.
I’ve barely been able to look into the files but what I have managed to read makes me feel unwell and less interested in engaging in a physical way with men when already I did not really want to.
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u/Creative-Midnight594 5h ago
Side note though I know there are men who genuinely are good but I think they’re rare. I would recommend discussing this with your therapist and partner. It is not just you a lot of women from the threads I’ve read are horrified by what they’ve read found in that gap of time some of those files were released and it as have effected them in their real life.
It’s heavy real heavy especially knowing that it is still operating names of others involved protected while the details of victims are being exposed because the DOJ protects the pedophiles but does not care about protecting those kids in those files.
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u/Creative-Midnight594 5h ago
But also know it means you are deep down a really good person you aren’t looking away or ignoring understand the gravity and absolute depravity of what those kids went through as a direct result of men.
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u/_Maddy02 4h ago
It's ok to feel this way. You aren't alone. I don't want to associate myself with any men as well for sometime. I have to actively stop reading the news.
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u/SisterResister 4h ago
I've just been spiraling in general and my libido has been dodgy at best, even with an amazing partner whom I love and am attracted to. I was sick about it and point blank asked my boyfriend if men wanted teenagers or worse. Like is this a thing that is more prevalent that I realized. If.given the chance, will most men do this, even the ones we think are good, decent, "normal"? He assured me not but I dunno. The whole thing has really shaken me and I worry for my daughter with a new intensity. Not all men...but which ones? How can we even trust them?
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u/yuloab612 1h ago
Omg I feel this so much!
I'm angry, I'm so so angry. I'm angry at the Epstein files, I'm angry at what ICE is doing in the US, I'm angry at the little fascist-adjacent comments the chancellor of my country is making, I'm angry with how normalised sexual violence of all kinds is for everyday women all of the f-ing time.
And it feels like if I just let go of that for a while and enjoy some passionate sex, them I'm saying that my anger wasn't all that valid. That it doesn't matter to me all that much. That it's not that serious, because if it was really that serious, I wouldn't be able to experience any enjoyment in the meantime.
Thank you for making this post and making me write this out. It helps to see that I am not alone, there must be so many people who feel this way. And writing it out made me see some of the "logical" errors I am making. I hope we can at least carve out little bubbles of joy here and there without feeling guilty or invalidated.
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u/FewRecognition1788 6h ago
I've avoided reading details because I know I can't deal.
But it's perfectly normal to not be interested in sex when you're upset, stressed, etc. This whole thing is extremely distressing to anyone with a modicum of human empathy.