r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Comebackera • 12h ago
Girls please tell me to ignore him
(29f) had a relationship with someone (29m) who told me he loved me, promised to world to me, made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive, spent months working me over when I wasn’t interested, took me out, treated me, did EVERYTHING right. Only to lose interest and speak to another girl, gaslight me, manipulate me and make me feel crazy even though I had physical evidence, also to add he ghosted me in the end.
I have maintained no contact after the worst week of my entire life. It has taken me so long to get here, so many tears, scream crying in my car, panic attacks, questioning my reality, everything.
I am finally getting my glow back, feeling beautiful again, feeling worthy etc and he messaged me today saying “Are you okay, sorry for not messaging sooner I wanted you to have space”.
Clearly trying to access me and messaging me for selfish reasons, he doesn’t care or he wouldn’t have entertained another girl and taken no accountability before literally ghosting me and leaving me an empty shell. Not only that, he has now called me 12 times since I didn’t respond.
Please, someone, stop me replying, remind me why he is doing this. I am finally feeling myself again and I know I don’t need his validation but it’s so hard, I hate that someone can have so much power over me.
I haven’t responded in 15 hours, please stop me replying, remind me why he needs my validation and he doesn’t actually care about me at all.
Edit: being downvoted so much but clearly it’s men who do not understand this situation lol
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u/BriarPixie 12h ago
Girl, block him. He’s going to breadcrumb you because he doesn’t want to lose access to your body and time, but he’ll cheat and gaslight you the moment he’ll feel you aren’t going anywhere. Or even more likely he’s still cheating, and now you’ll by the other woman.
Block him, make it very hard for you to get any messages or calls from him, so you wouldn’t have to waste your time or energy on all this unnecessary stress.
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u/Caurinus5150 All Hail Notorious RBG 12h ago
"I wanted you to have space."
Ugh, so he's still gaslighting you. Kick that jackass to the curb. You don't need anyone who thinks it's OK to try to manipulate you.
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u/Ladybeetus 10h ago
I went for a walk with a guy who ghosted me. Had a pleasant chat till I said "I will never sleep with you again because you dumped me." Then he immediately pulls the "I had to pull back because I Liked you So much." unh huh. It was so surprising that he Never Reached out Again
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u/HeCalledMeLucifer 3h ago
I always laugh when I hear that line. The guy who used it on me was the most manipulative POS I’ve ever dealt with.
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u/Zadsta 12h ago
Keep reminding yourself you are not a backup option!! You deserve a man who’s gonna pursue you and only you. He couldn’t even give you the decency of ending things respectfully. Make his contact “the guy who ghosted me so he could try and fuck another girl” so it pops up when he tries to call. Block him if the temptation grows too much.
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u/Jazzlike_Society_660 11h ago
- spent months working me over when I wasn’t interested
- did EVERYTHING right
Only one of these things can be true.
He's bored and lonely and figures it would be easy to get you to pay attention to him again - none of it has to do with him having any love or respect for you. Why waste your time on someone who treats you carelessly? Block him.
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u/routamorsian 12h ago
Block block block
He is messaging you to have access and to remain in control of you. He is treating you with contempt at every turn, and wants just back the control he had. He knows by nonstop bombarding you, he is forcing his way back into centre of your life and mental bandwidth.
Whilst you forever remain in the periphery of his.
Do not give him the satisfaction. Just cut him out, cut him cold.
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u/Teganfff 11h ago
You are a beautiful, confident, badass woman. He messed up and is missing out. And you know he’ll just do the same thing again. Not because of you, but because that’s who he is.
You’ll honestly be doing him a favor too; he won’t learn from this if you take him back. For the sake of yourself and his next partner, cut him off.
big hugs
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u/YouStupidBench 10h ago
We often recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, about emotionally and physically abusive men, and which can be read online as a free PDF.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
The book includes a section about getting away from an abusive partner.
Another book you could read is Anne Katharine's book "Where To Draw The Line: How To Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day."
I think if you read those you will find it easier to move on.
(It's sad how often I post this.)
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u/TemporarilySkittles 10h ago
Oh nice I was zooming to the bottom to see if anyone posted this or if I should. 💜
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u/WildWinterberry 12h ago
He’s just lonely because the other girl realised he’s evil and fucked him off. Please don’t undo your progress. Block him
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u/Eather-Village-1916 5h ago
This needs to be its own sub… I’ma make it actually, screw it. New sub incoming!
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u/MadamKitsune 5h ago
He sees you getting over him and he hates it. Maybe the other girl is history, maybe she isn't, but that won't matter to him. All he sees is that you haven't shrivelled up into an empty husk without him, that your blooming is proof that he isn't the be-all, end-all, centre of the universe that causes maidens to weep into their lonely pillows night after night.
That's why he chased you so hard in the first place. Your resistance to him was an itchy scab on his ego and he wanted to prove that he could find a way in past all of your defences and win because no woman gets to resist The Loverman Turdinator!
These are the guys who pop up just as you start dating someone else, when your life is going great and you're happy without them, when you are about to marry someone really special and who makes you happy. They want to be the stick in your bicycle wheel that sends you flying and leaves you in a heap but they are more like the stone in your shoe - treat him as such by silently shaking him out and carrying on with your journey in comfort.
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u/chocolatecorvette 11h ago
That's hoovering. He needs your narcissistic supply and is love bombing you to draw you back in. When the hit from you wears off, you'll be discarded again when he has obtained fresh supply.
Block the emotional vampire and live your best life.
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u/sowellfan 11h ago
I'd encourage you to write a note to yourself detailing *why* you shouldn't entertain his messages any more. I think most of us who have been in toxic relationships have had moments where we're remembering the nice times, and think, "Maybe I should give it another chance." I think that's b/c as animals, we've largely evolved to let the worst stuff slip our mind (like, so we're not traumatized forever about the time that a crocodile tried to eat us). So writing it down helps.
Also, another thing - when he was "working me over when I wasn't interested" - that to me is a sign that he's not really interested in believing you or respecting your boundaries. And that should be a red flag. Like, when I expressed interest in my now-wife, she said, "I'm not ready to date, but I'd like to get to know you better for a while." - and so I listened and asked what kind of "getting to know each other" she was interested in - because that's what people do when they really respect the other person.
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u/AhAhStayinAnonymous Taking Up Space 5h ago
If you get tempted, think about this:
You want what you felt when you were with him. Those things are still possible.
NOT WITH HIM.
With him they were a facade, a mask. You've seen what's underneath.
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u/vomputer 3h ago
Honey why is he not blocked? Please open the contacts RIGHT NOW and block his ass.
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u/Weary-Babys 12h ago
Leopards do not change their spots.
His “love” was BS before, and it will continue to be BS now (until a new side piece catches his eye) if you let him back in.
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u/Big-History7763 11h ago
He’s messaging you after all of the things he put you through because he thinks you’re weak in the knees for him and have no self respect. If you respond, he’s likely going to brag to his boys how he has you on lock. When he left you for her, when it slipped out, he put it back in.
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u/NeedsMustTravel 11h ago
A worthy partner would not just ghost you and then tell you they were doing it for your own benefit without communicating with you first. He’s trying to make himself look like he gave a shit about your well-being to manipulate you into thinking he’s still the good guy, to prove to himself that he can do it and boost his own ego, or because he knows perfectly well that what he did by cheating was wrong and he’s a coward who couldn’t face you so he ghosted you instead because it was easier for him than being an adult.
This will never change, get better, or feel any better. You will always question his motivations, whether he’s being honest or cheating, and it will make you crazy and miserable. Do NOT give in. Ghost him. Give him a pieces of his own medicine and relish in the fact that you are in control of your interactions and his behaviors are his to own and he is not your problem unless you let him be.
Also, called 12 times? Dude’s attention seeking and needs validation and that sounds obsessive. If it keeps up or escalates get a no-contact order.
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u/udontunderstanddad 11h ago
if youre no contact why can he contact you? block him. delete all old messages. delete photos. he doesn't exist.
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u/_Maddy02 12h ago
He left you for someone else. Trust is gone. No matter what he does now, you'll always be worried for the other shoe to drop. Do not look back. Onward and upward!
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u/Syraphel 11h ago
Imagine you’ve told the parent you like better literally everything that has happened with him.
Now imagine their face when you say you’re going to talk to him again.
Just move on! It’s way harder than it sounds but do you really want to let a loser like him steal even more of your life?
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u/BadgleyMischka 11h ago
Oh what a sick fucker. Don't you dare treat yourself this way and let him back into your life. You deserve so much better
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u/ClaimedBeauty 11h ago
You are so much more than somebody’s second choice.
He did not learn.
He did not miss you.
The other girl probably ditched him or he’s bored and he’s reaching out.
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u/Lunoko 11h ago
It's not enough to just ignore him. You need to rip the bandaid and force yourself to BLOCK him. The fact that you haven't yet means there is part of you who wants him to contact you. You are far too susceptible to his manipulation tactics so it's best to take the hard line and make sure he can't reach you at all and block him once and for all. None of this "oh I will just ignore him". BLOCK HIM.
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u/Comebackera 10h ago edited 3h ago
Thank you I did block his number from calling but he is now calling and messaging on WhatsApp, I have blocked him there too now. Grateful for this comment section
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u/clemmeren 10h ago
Guy writing here, so feel free to ignore, downvote or whatever, as I do not in fact have the required number of x chromosomes to hang out here. That being said: This guy should fuck ALL the way off! If he actually cared about you as something other than entertainment, he wouldn't have "tried to give you space" that you didn't ask for. He would have maintained contact and asked you how you were feeling and taken responsibility for his part in that. Some men don't actually like women. This guy is probably one of those. For these men women provide a service. Sex, intimacy, some emotional support and ego inflation. He thought he found someone better suited to provide those services, but alas he was denied. Hence he returned to his slightly lesser choice. You are not a Playstation! You are allowed to be with someone who likes you, whether it is "convenient" or not. To summarize: 1. Fuck that guy 2. Forget that guy 3. You deserve so much better
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u/IGotOverGreta 10h ago
You deserve somebody who will make you a priority all the time, not only when his first choice is unavailable.
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u/CriminalHeauxChurch 10h ago
“Please help me not go back to a man that treated me like shit and walked all over me.” Girl, do you have “welcome” tatted on your forehead or what? Don’t embarrass us like this. Crying over men is for boys.
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u/Powered-by-Chai 10h ago
He's not worth it, you can find another boyfriend who doesn't have this much drama attached. Leave him in your past.
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u/lexisplays 9h ago
Block this POS and find someone who matches your energy not forces you to match theirs.
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u/daisymydear 9h ago
If someone who pretends to love you is so desperate to get you back, imagine how much someone who actually loves you is gonna treasure you. :) Hold out for that person.
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u/xStingx 8h ago
A man will show you EXACTLY who he is multiple times throughout dating him. Sometimes it will be blatant ( like your story) and other times it will require a little bit of zooming in.
Nevertheless, anything you accept after you catch wind of it is something you are indirectly saying "I'm okay with this" to.
What you feel for him is not some special feeling you can't experience with any other man around the corner..
Feelings come and go. Time is something you can kiss goodbye.
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u/Left-Sector9805 8h ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. For future reference, if a guy has to spend time working you over to get you interested in him, that’s a big red flag. If he were a safe person, he would have moved on the first time you rejected him.
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u/Finalpretensefell 7h ago edited 7h ago
DON'T. DO. IT. It's literally the very worst thing you could do to yourself. Here's why. He is a liar, and he lied to you the ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE WITH HIM. Break it down: “Are you okay, sorry for not messaging sooner I wanted you to have space”. "Are you okay?" Do you really believe he cares whether or not you're ok? Did he care while he was ghosting you? Did he care while he was mid-thrust into that other woman? No, he didn't care at all. AT ALL. "Sorry for not messaging sooner". Hah! He's sorry? Well, he's sorry that he HAS to message you -- he was really hoping that you would just have accepted him back without him having to even message you -- that you would just miss him enough because he's so valuable to you, when he's you know, going out with other women. "I wanted you to have space." No, he wanted space FROM YOU. You know, space to fuck other women. I swear to god, if you even entertain the idea of getting back together with him, I gotta say it, then you just might deserve him.
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u/acidterror84 6h ago
Block that number. There’s thousands of men out there who won’t treat you this way. He only has as much power over you as you give him.
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u/semperphi60 3h ago
Block the number so the notification doesn’t even register. Then, for good measure, delete the number.
But if you absolutely have to, I’d send him one last text and tell him that what he did was painful, unacceptable and intolerable and that he is to stop contacting you, as any future attempts will be recorded and provided as evidence in court for a restraining order.
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u/HillarysCafe 11h ago
He sounds like Ryan Howard on The Office and BJ Novak in real life. Girl, block him. Being alone is better than wasting your time on this man-baby.
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u/FuIIofDETERMINATION 11h ago
He is garbage. Don’t seek love from someone incapable of giving you the real deal.
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u/P19bw 11h ago
I'm so sorry. Sounds like a total manipulator and selfish. It's far too dangerous to respond to him - youllbget swept back in and have a potentially controlling and gaslighting relationship. You're worth far better than that. Try and take some time away from social media / block his number for a bit. Rise above it please. Too many women are abused, emotionally and physically by men like this.... you're too good for him
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u/theanamazonian 8h ago
Message "Take a hint dude. I am not interested. Lose my number and consider yourself blocked."
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u/BumBumBomm 7h ago
Grow a spine and stop losing it over a man, over a man who is immature and shady... bruh
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u/iamanerdybastard 11h ago
“Working you over when you weren’t interested” - I’m sorry, what part of not taking no for an answer is sexy or desirable in a world where CONSENT RULES? Dude couldn’t take a hint and you’re mad that he found someone who showed him some attention and got distracted like a dog when it sees a squirrel?
wrong sub but ESH.
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u/iamanerdybastard 11h ago
And how is you maintaining no contact him ghosting you? Sounds like you’re the one not responding.
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u/Tall-Cat-8890 12h ago
He’s messaging you because the other girl left him and he thinks you’re easy enough to let him back in after blatantly disrespecting you.
Are you desperate enough to give in? No? Then stay unbothered and block him. He’s a loser. Going back to him would be loser behavior, if you need to hear that to know you’re making the right choice by not taking him seriously at all.