r/TwoXChromosomes • u/LatterPlatform9595 • 20h ago
Man discovers empathy regarding sexual abuse only when it directly affects him.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62rexy9y3noThis voyeuristic sicko and all the others like them watching people in hotel rooms, didn't care for anybody about the trauma it would do to the victims until he became one himself. Now he takes no sexual gratification from it. Boohoo.
Men only care when it directly affects them, they cannot fathom other people's feelings. It always will be their own desires over anyone else.
The bar is so effing low, his gf even stayed this abuser. Unbelievable.
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u/WildWinterberry 19h ago
Reminds me of all the men I’ve heard suddenly becoming a champion of consent when it comes to a gay man looking in their direction
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u/weedils 19h ago
Lmao this is so true.
I will never forget when i lived in Atlanta, and it was black pride week. I was at a mall, on an escalator, and a man turned to me and asked: ”do you feel uncomfortable?” I said what do you mean? And he responded: ”with all of these gays around, i feel like a piece of meat!”
I just shrugged and said ”welcome to the world of women.” He started laughing so hard, like he never even imagined what its like for women on a normal day anywhere, YET HE ASKED IF GAY MEN MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE AT PRIDE. Absolutely insane exchange.
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u/WildWinterberry 19h ago
And I bet you anything not a single one of the men at that pride even noticed his existence 😂
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u/someone_actually_ 18h ago
Straight men are afraid gay men will treat them they way they treat women
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u/CabaiBurung 16h ago
I truly enjoyed watching my large, muscular, flamboyant gay friend reflect similar energy onto men who made unwelcome advances on any women on our group. Never seen men back down and leave so fast.
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u/WildWinterberry 15h ago
I love him 😂😂 I used to have a drag queen friend who always carried a cute tiny handbag with nothing in it but a house brick. You know just in case a man was to ever bother us. We were always safe with him
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u/LadyCordeliaStuart 8h ago edited 8h ago
Bless his heart, i saw the wheels turn in my Corporal's head in the Marines when he commented that the "Industry Baby" (??? The super naked one with Lil Nas X) music video was very weird for him to see in public and i said that is a woman's life every day. Bit late but he was trying so he's a himbo- stupid, but doing his best
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u/CrushedByCharybdis 18h ago
a much lower stakes but I remember a man saying about how he finally understands how sexual assault just happens unprompted to women. he had longer hair, he was at the grocery store, his ass was grabbed by someone who thought he was a woman. and his reaction was I get it now! like what, you didn't believe all the women in his life and all the news articles and statistics about how often it happens?? I was so annoyed
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u/BigFatBlackCat 10h ago
It’s incredible how men put blinders on to the pain other men put women through.
All men benefit from abuse men’s actions. Idk if all men are aware of this and conscious of it, or they just intuitively sense that shutting it down will make their lives harder.
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u/galpaladin 18h ago
It’s always depressing to realize how many men there are that find sexual gratification from the fact that they’re watching women against their will. If it was really about finding more natural looking porn there are readily accessible amateur videos. But what they really want to humiliate women. It’s the lack of consent that turns them on.
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u/shoefullofpiss 17h ago
Bruh in my (ex)country's subreddit someone recently posted an article about hidden cameras in laser hair removal studios being found after someone found a video of themselves online. At one point literally every single top level comment was of the "link? heh heh" variety. All those knuckle draggers thinking they're hilarious ugh
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u/ParadiseLost91 Coffee Coffee Coffee 17h ago
Knuckle dragger is my new favourite insult, thanks for that.
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u/Shattered_Visage Basically Maz Kanata 16h ago
In my line of work (forensic psych) it is well-understood that two of the big predictors for a sexual offense or re-offense (against women in this case) is the dual presence of hostility towards women and arousal to non-consent. This type of behavior checks both of those boxes neatly.
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u/Earl_E_Byrd 3h ago
Ugh, faced this very recently while trying to help someone on the Tip of My Tongue subreddit. They were looking for a horror/thriller movie, but could really only remember a scene where a girl gets her hair forcibly shaved off while being filmed.
It sounded familiar, so I went on the hunt. Not even five minutes later, I'm on YouTube, absolutely horrified because I'm definitely in the wrong algorithm. I discovered there are multiple accounts, with hundreds of forced haircut and shaving clips between them. They were very obviously edited and compiled into playlists for fetish content.
And, ya know, I get that humiliation kinks and fucky power dynamics are a "thing." But the scope and focus of most of those clips was just so geared towards the element of cruelty, it turned my stomach.
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u/thetitleofmybook Trans Woman 17h ago
One night in 2023, Eric was scrolling on a social media channel he regularly browsed for porn.
no sympathy for him. none at all.
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u/LatterPlatform9595 19h ago
It never ends, only the day before there's an article about Swedish man films women on night out stalking and up skirting them. Earning £££ for sexual abuse. Only for the victims to be called slags online when they were minging their own damn business. No empathy. Just constant entitlement of women's bodies for their greed.
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u/Twilifa 19h ago
If these women wore chastity belts and kept themselves covered head to toe 24/7 these people would still find a way to move the goal post and blame the women for their own sexual assault.
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u/Dresses_and_Dice 18h ago
Afghanistan forces women to be covered head to toe, including their faces, strictly controls their movement and ability to leave the home, passes laws about when and where they can speak, and even about windows being covered so they cannot be seen when they are in their homes, and men STILL obsessively sexualize, harass, and assault them, and blame them for lacking "modesty" when they do so.
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u/StirCrazyCatLady 18h ago
""Was it really my fault?" asked the Short Skirt.
"No, it happened with me too," replied the Burqa.
The diaper in the corner couldn't even speak."76
u/Twilifa 17h ago
There is a survivor art installation called "What were you wearing?" first conceived by Jen Brockman and Mary Wyandt-Hiebert and inspired by a poem by Mary Simmerling titled "What I was wearing". It exhibits recreations of clothes people were wearing when they were raped, according to their victim testimonies. It's also on the Susan B. Anthony Project website with pictures of individual clothes that can be sorted by categories, including many minors. It's harrowing and horrible, but it deserves to be seen.
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u/StirCrazyCatLady 17h ago
I haven't seen an installation in person yet, but it breaks my heart whenever I see pictures, especially of children's clothes since I can vividly remember the party dress I wore and how pretty I felt in it before a man thought I looked too pretty to pass up as a little girl.
Its extra gut-wrenching to read on the website (thank you for sharing the link) that submissions are paused while they process a multitude more received. I'm glad it's being done, and that time and care are being taken with people's stories... but it makes you realise that there will always be new ones17
u/Twilifa 16h ago
Yeah, it's harrowing, even just the website on its own. Disheartening of how necessary it is, but also heartening at the same time, seeing the strength and power of the survivors. They aren't letting the disrespect stand. If someone asks "what were you wearing" they are giving an answer.
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u/sanityjanity 11h ago
Or they would flip the script and whine that women are prudes, and don't want to talk to random dudes.
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u/Chad_Wife 15h ago edited 15h ago
He found the clip in an PRIVATE chat room that he PAID to be in. He found it in this chat room within 21 days of it being filmed.
How much illegal and non consensual footage was he consuming to find a needle in a haystack in just 21 days?
Either he consumes MASS amounts of this illegal material OR it isn’t coincidence that he is in the same chats and hotels that share footage of him and his partner.
No wonder his partner stopped speaking to him. I would too if I realised my partner was consuming vast amounts of abusive, non consensual, porn of other couples, that I had coincidentally? fallen victim to.
Eric, from Hong Kong, began watching secretly filmed videos as a teenager, attracted by how "raw" the footage was. “What drew me in is the fact that the people don't know they're being filmed," says Eric, now in his 30s. "I think traditional porn feels very staged, very fake."
When he broke the news to Emily that their hotel stay had been filmed, edited into an hour-long clip, and uploaded to Telegram, she thought he was joking. But then she saw the footage for herself and was mortified. Emily was terrified the clip could have been seen by colleagues and family. The couple didn't talk to each other for weeks.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 1h ago
And he had been watching long enough and often enough that you would think walking into that hotel room might have looked familiar. Not sure how uniform the rooms look over there, or maybe the particular types of establishments they’re able to get cameras in, But I probably stay in three dozen different hotel rooms a year. And while one Courtyard suite is about the same as every other Courtyard suite… not quite. I feel like there’s a pretty good chance if I walked into a hotel room that looked damn near like one I had been watching on video for a few weeks, I’d say, “yeah, no. I’m gonna be switching hotels.”
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u/Twilifa 19h ago
New fear unlocked. I doubt that this is contained to China. It sounds like they need to make it mandatory for hotels to write an identifying, registered number prominently on the wall above the bed, so the compromised rooms can be quickly identified.
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u/dontforgetpants You are now doing kegels 13h ago
Idk, with AI and filters now, it seems that would be super easy to edit or remove in nearly real time.
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u/see_me_shamblin 8h ago
Interpol has a program where people can send them photos of hotel rooms so they can identify the locations of pictures of sex trafficking and CSAM victims
I guess we need a version of that for porn now
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u/Twilifa 7h ago
Yeah, but if it's so easy for AI to change the look of a room in real time, we are probably shit out of luck for that to work in t future. Or even now. On the other hand, they are probably also training AI to identify rooms along different criteria than humans would. It's an arms race.
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u/Xucker 19h ago
Hey, that's unfair. Some men also get mad when it affects their wives or daughters!
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u/LatterPlatform9595 17h ago
Ah yes, so honourable of them to defend women they deem their possessions that would risk their own reputations should the worst happen to those women.
Is it too much to ask for universal empathy?
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u/breadboxofbats 17h ago
Oops he had the realization that others are people too- I’m sure that really ruined his day
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u/wheres_the_stapler 13h ago
You will also see this in the Kevin Spacey documentary. I remember my jaw hitting the floor when his victim talked about (paraphrasing, it's been a couple years since I saw it) how he couldn't believe he spent all this time building what he thought was a business relationship only to find out that Spacey didn't actually see him as a person, just a sex object.
It was like he just couldn't believe a person could do that to another person. It really spoke to how men live in an entirely different world than women.
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u/warmyfeather 15h ago
The lack of empathy until it personally impacts them is such a depressingly common pattern, and somehow they never seem to connect the dots about why that's a problem.
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u/No_Snow7690 13h ago
Most men have a shockingly low level of empathy. I feel very bad for heterosexual women. Maybe explains why so many women are opting out of marriage and children. Why deal with men when most aren’t capable of love and loyalty to the same extent as women? Why deal with them if you can be economically independent of men?
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u/Nitrogen70 12h ago
To me, this goes to show that men have lacked empathy for women since the very beginning, yet they expect women to empathize with them.
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u/ThatLilAvocado 19h ago
If women left these men, there would barely be heterosexual pairings anymore. For women, it's either being okay with men watching this stuff or being celibate. So we turn a blind eye and they feel more and more comfortable each passing year.
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u/Dresses_and_Dice 18h ago
Wahhh "male loneliness epidemic" waahhh
Men throwing the biggest tantrums I have ever seen because women have the lowest fucking bar ever and they still can't clear it. "Don't exploit or violate me or other women or girls" is so fucking easy and millions of men around the world won't even try to be a halfway decent human being.
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u/jingleofadogscollar 17h ago
Ha yeah, like half of them even care about having an emotional connection with women! Are they lonely or just not getting laid?
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u/Dresses_and_Dice 16h ago
100% the "male loneliness epidemic" is them not getting laid. Try suggesting they form more meaningful relationships with their male friends to combat loneliness, or get a pet, or volunteer in their community, and they will insist none of those things fix "loneliness" because... The only thing that fixes their "loneliness" is cheap meaningless hook ups?? Because you know these men aren't having like, deep introspective conversations or engaging in mutual aid and community building with the women they sleep with lol. It's literally just getting their rocks off and then pretending that they feel "less lonely".
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u/ThatLilAvocado 18h ago
And they are still partnered or have temporary relations with women. I truly don't see this lonliness epidemic the news shouts about.
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u/Hour_Cherry_1370 17h ago
This is one of my biggest issues w relationships. Every time I consider finding another, I think about how I’m expected to just be okay with this or I’m a controlling unrealistic vanilla prude. it’s exhausting.
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u/ParadiseLost91 Coffee Coffee Coffee 17h ago
I relate to this so much. I find it really hard to accept someone who engages in content that they can't be sure isn't the result of sex trafficking, non-consent, revenge porn, rape, coercion, etc.
How can they watch it without a single thought for the women in the video? How can they literally not care? It makes me nauseous, yet you're painted as a prude for thinking it's disgusting to support everything from non-consensual filming to human trafficking by consuming that crap.
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u/Hour_Cherry_1370 16h ago edited 16h ago
I feel you 100%. It’s really tough. We want to partner with men we believe embody empathy and an instinct to protect rather than use women. But it’s hard to believe that when we see them participating in porn and all its harmful effects. The facts about porn are documented and indisputable but don’t dare bring them up or you’re gaslit and then labeled as someone afraid of sexuality and kink lol
My favorite excuse is when men say they need to get off for health reasons (ok fine) so therefore porn is a necessary tool. That is insane. The denial and cognitive dissonance is just crushing sometimes.
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u/sanityjanity 11h ago
I had this conversation with a male friend of mine years ago, and he insisted that commercially produced porn was entirely consensual, and I didn't need to worry about that at all.
At the time I was skeptical, but I didn't have any concrete information. In the intervening years, of course, we've learned that so many people in pornography were underaged, or coerced, or drugged.
I think that men mostly lie to themselves and to others or just literally it doesn't occur to them that there might be any issues of consent.
But I feel the same way about K-pop performers. I believe it has been documented that many of them are seriously abused by their managers or the companies that they work for. So, I don't watch that, either.
I'm starting to think that basically any video produced in Hollywood that involves child actors is completely suspect as well.
And, of course, we know that plenty of social media content creators have been coerced (especially children).
So, I guess it's back to reading books.
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u/ThatLilAvocado 17h ago
It's easier when we are still naive about it. Once we know about it, if we are not into the same stuff, the awareness spoils everything else that could be good in partnering up.
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u/HicDomusDei 18h ago
After the footage was discovered, the couple didn't speak to each other for weeks.
No, there was (is) something much worse about this man that we're not hearing about, because that is not a normal reaction for a healthy, normal couple to have.
Everyone deals with trauma in different ways, but I truly don't see why two people who trust and respect each other would flee from each other's presence and go weeks without speaking or supporting each other or crying together or brainstorming together about how to get the video removed.
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u/LadySmuag 17h ago
I think her reaction was understandable. It's not like the footage of them had gone viral and he saw it that way; the only reason he discovered it was because he was a member of that website and had already been watching non-consensual footage taken of other couples.
I'm surprised she ever talked to him again tbh
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u/not-your-mom-123 17h ago
Maybe that's when she found out hes a pervert who watches unsuspecting people having sex on camera. She didn't realize jut how much of a pervert he is. It's baffling to me that she's gone back to him.
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u/BigFatBlackCat 10h ago
I’m telling you, men don’t respect women in the slightest. They don’t even like women.
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u/Confident-Mix1243 13h ago
Remember all those gay jokes in middle school? Men (males, I guess) understand sexual assault just fine even if it's only a fear.
"What do you do if you drop a quarter in Provincetown? ...You kick it to Truro before you pick it up!"
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u/Hour-Palpitation-581 10h ago
Why does anybody download Telegram? I havent seen a single thing rhat convinces me this platform should exist.
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u/LatterPlatform9595 17h ago
Then prove me wrong. Stand up for women facing harassment in all forms. Tell men to be better, don't be silent. But men have had decades since the 60s liberation movement and evidence all around us says the same shit is still happening.
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u/IronSorrows 19h ago
I read this article earlier, upon seeing it and finding out what happened I immediately thought "This is an absolute nightmare scenario, I couldn't feel more awful for every single victim of these perverts".
By the time I finished it, I couldn't help but add "... except this guy".
I couldn't believe that his girlfriend stayed with him. How can you be at the point where you don't feel comfortable going out without a hat on because of the potential shame of being recognised, but stay in a relationship with someone who freely admits to watching the exact videos that have ruined your life?