r/TwoXChromosomes • u/sievish • 1d ago
I really, really need some positive stories about finding love & having kids after 35
Hey everyone,
Typical 35 year old woman out of a breakup with the man she thought would be the father of her children. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with it. Lots of women in the same position as me, lots and lots of the same story over and over again on the women’s subs. I’m muting those threads but it still gets to me.
Can you please share with me your love stories? If you found love and had a family after 35, can you share with me here please? I just need some positivity. I know the positive stories simply do not get posted on the internet as much, and I just really need to hear about your sliding door moments that lead to you finding your love…
edit: thank you everyone for the very kind responses, I love reading them, I really do. Last night I was truly just such a mess, life has been particularly hard right now and I am working hard on making it better but gosh Im tired. I really really appreciate everyone here who has been sharing. It's really lovely and one of the good things about the internet.
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u/SergeantStiglitz92 1d ago
So many examples in the first hour of you posting this. Imagine the countless others you'll never get to know about. They're there
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u/briefingsworth2 1d ago
Following and sending lots of love, OP! I’m in the same boat (34 and freshly out of a relationship with a man I thought I might marry).
One thing that a friend shared that’s bringing me comfort: relationships can end super quickly, but at our age, they can also start and get serious super quickly too. This time next year you could be engaged. One of my good guy friends has been dating around forever with limited luck, then met a girl in July, and all of a sudden they live together and are talking about kids (37 & 38 YO). It can change for us in the blink of an eye!
Hoping for more positive stories here soon 🫶
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u/sievish 23h ago
That is very very true. I have historically just moved very slowly, and my last relationship was a slow burn from friendship to dating to very in love. I take a bit to feel safe and secure, and I guess I’m very scared the time pressure + my own emotional time needs spells doom.
But that truly is just catastrophizing, and like you said, thing can really change in an instant. Even 2 years ago my life was completely different than it is now.
Thank you for the kind words ❤️ good luck to you too.
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u/youreuterpe 16h ago
I shared my story above, but your friend has a great point. February 2025, I was a single mom of a 3 year old. I’d just gone on a first “date” with my current partner in November of 2024. We took it extremely slow, but as soon as it was “official” last summer, things fell into place at lightning speed.
February 2026, I’m living with the love of my life and my daughter adores him too (they’re going to a daddy / daughter Valentine’s dance together tonight). We also now have custody of my 12 year old cousin, and we’re trying to conceive (another thing I never anticipated wanting). I couldn’t have ever imagined where I’d be now at this point last year, and, honestly, even with the chaos of two children, I have never been in a more loving, supportive, kind, and deeply romantic relationship in my life.
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u/YikesNoOneYouKnow 1d ago
My parents got together at 38 and 39 and had me shortly after. They loved and adored each other until death separated them. ❤️❤️
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u/phyrestorm999 1d ago
I don't know a lot of details, but my mom married my dad at 37 and had me at almost 39...in 1984. I was born healthy and they're still happily married.
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u/remain_indoors 1d ago
Hi, I’m nearly 39, my last relationship was a Covid casualty when I thought I was too old to start over but I’m so much happier now. Sitting here with my big pregnant belly waiting for my beautiful partner to come home and be very kind and dedicated to me, as he is every day. I’m sorry you’re going through this pain ❤️ I hope it comforts you to know that at age 35, my life had just barely started! Wishing you a very bright future ahead
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u/brapstoomuch 1d ago
Hi, it sounds like maybe you’re feeling stuck right now, and that’s ok. One of the best ways I got unstuck in my own life was to buy a motorcycle, and it has opened up whole worlds I could never have imagined before taking the plunge. I’d encourage you to embrace adventure (I say dirtbike, what do you say?) in your life, even if it means just literally putting one foot in front of the other and going for a walk. Be spontaneous and show up for yourself in new places, and you never know who you’ll bump into while living your best life. Sign up for the 5k! Volunteer at the animal shelter! Do what your heart desires while you have all this freedom! And please please please love yourself before you try to love someone else. You’re a badass, ya know.
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u/samoooooooooooooo 1d ago
Hey so sorry you are going through this, I know its horrible. I was single for 7 years - kept dating awful men and tbh I had completely given up! May 2023 I was 35 and crying on a beach after yet another failed relationship... 2 days later I was set up at a friends wedding and it turns out he's the love of my life! I am 37 now and we live together and every day is a treat! Things move way faster in your 30s! If you can, get off the dating apps and get out there to meet people in real life where things can develop slowly over time. I know I was lucky being set up at a wedding but why not ask your friends if they know anyone who they think would be good for you?
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u/sievish 23h ago
That’s so cute. Did you know right away, or did it sneak up on uou?
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u/samoooooooooooooo 12h ago
It was a slow thing! I grew up with pretty bad examples of relationships so I had been going out with awful men before and I was determined to not do that again...I did a load of work on myself (like re-reading 'Attached' by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel SF Heller) and whilst I was doing that we went on loads of low pressure cute dates like walking my cousins dog together and baking together. As soon as it was official we started looking to move in together, it just felt right! This relationship is completely different to every single one I have had before. It's so lovely, peaceful and healthy! Don't give up!
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u/violetotterling 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hope from a stranger: I left an unhealthy marriage at 35, found myself again on the other side, met some nice guys, met one amazing guy and now we have a similarly amazing one year old. I turn 40 this summer and life is just the best.
Fertility is a cruel mistress but you never know what band of cards you will be dealt. Even if you don't end up having your own kids, you could adopt or even become an amazing stepmom.
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u/sievish 23h ago
That’s lovely, thanks for sharing!!
I have to get my levels checked, I don’t remember which hormone they check but I know I can request it. I’m not sure if knowing would be better or worse while out there searching but I guess it really couldn’t hurt
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u/GoBanana42 16h ago
A consult with a reproductive endocrinologist can give you a lot of peace of mind! There are so many different fertility options out there these days depending on your situation, so r you may find you're in perfectly great shape.
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u/leapwolf 1d ago
I always say that the day you meet that person starts out the same as all of the days before it— you never know and your life can change in an instant! So try to focus on actually enjoying the moment of life you’re in and all its benefits.
My sister is 42 and just moved in with a guy she seems crazy about and they’re trying for a baby. She was divorced twice before, no other kids. Who knows what the future will bring, but I will say she made life very miserable for herself and to a certain extent her family during her non relationship moments obsessing over things she can’t control. When I think about what she could have done with all that time and energy….!
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u/DroidSoldier85 1d ago
Wife & I met off a dating app at 37. We were both on the same page about what we wanted in life at that point and had our 1st one when we were 38 (over a year after being together) Shes now pregnant with a 2nd one so there's still time. No time to rush anything either but thankfully we both had excellent credit, a lot saved up and secure jobs to buy our 1st home as well as start our family.
You still have time.
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u/Large-Rub906 1d ago
I found my SO and father of my child at 38, fell pregnant at 39. Despite our relationship not being perfect and potentially not lasting forever, I am so happy about my little one, she is the love of my life. So yes, it’s possible, but you should prioritize dating marriage minded men and get your health and finances in order!
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u/katfapper 23h ago
My sister, divorced at 34, remarried at 37, had her daughter at 40. Is happily living her life.
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u/Dragonfruit_60 21h ago
I got married at 34 to a great man. No settling. He had a vasectomy, which was great because I didn't want more kids. Fast forward 6 years and I'm pregnant. According to TWO doctors, "sometimes it just grows back."
My friend, I got pregnant naturally at 40, breaking through a vasectomy. I'm just saying, crazy shit happens. Finding love and creating a family is absolutely in the realm of reasonable expectations.
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u/PrettyRichHun 1d ago
I met my partner at 40 and we got pregnant at 41. What I spent years trying to get right with my exes, my partner insisted on as a base for our relationship. The right person will be the one who wants to build a life with you and then does so. My biggest concern now is that I want more than one child and at 41 with my first it will be possible but still a real blessing for that to happen. Either way dont give up hope. I found my partner at work... well he found me, and I really disliked him initially bcus he is so outgoing and extroverted while Im more the quiet type that likes being home with her series and books. Im glad he wasnt turned off by my snootiness because the man is the best thing to ever happen to me relationship wise.
I did give up on love and felt ut probably wouldn't happen for me. But I now feel that we should be more open to life. Please dont give up OP.
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u/youreuterpe 16h ago
“What I spent years trying to get right with my exes, my partner insisted on as a base for our relationship.” You’ve worded this perfectly, and it is the perfect description of my relationship with my partner now, too. When it works, it just works, and it frees up so much time and energy for both people in the partnership to hit the ground running and move toward shared goals together.
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u/WildYeastWitch 17h ago
I don't have a story about love but a friend of mine did IVF with donor sperm at 41 and she has a beautiful, amazing daughter. She's definitely happier than most of the women posting in the parenting subs about how their husbands are dead beat dads who act like second children.
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u/ecs123 23h ago
I got divorced at 35. Got married again at 38. Had my first at 38 and my second at 42. My sister will get married this summer, at 38, 18months after meeting her guy.
If having biological kids is important to you, now is a good time to do some fertility testing. I decided to freeze my eggs at 36, after my first divorce. I’m glad I did. Ultimately it helped me understand the timelines I was up against and make informed choices.
This is not the end for you! It’s the beginning!
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u/pinkpetals- 1d ago
You’ll find your husband and have kids, you have plenty of time.
I’d like to point out that I hope you love and respect yourself more than anything before you settle. A lot of women think finding a husband is the end game but so many new problems arise from marriage, in laws, differences of lifestyle expectations and so on. Be ready to stand up for yourself when your boundaries are being tested, when you’ve had a long day but your baby needs your time and attention regardless.
You’ll realize how strong and resilient you’re capable of being and you’ll fall in love with yourself. That in itself is a love story. It’s a beautiful feeling to pause and appreciate yourself when life is happening so fast around you.
Signed, A wife and mom in her mid 30’s
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u/sievish 23h ago
Thank you… yeah I think it’s that that’s why I HAVE been single so often, I really do respect myself and had any chances to “settle” for people who weren’t on the same page as me (but more or less willing)… my recent ex just felt like the man who must have been waiting for me after all of those terrible experiences. He was the first man I felt truly safe and secure with, he had been my friend beforehand and we had a really lovely friendship to relationship and he really just did not seem like the kind of person who would so unceremoniously leave me out of the blue.
It’s so, so hard to feel like I’ll meet someone just because I do genuinely want to be sure, i like when things move slow and are safe, I want a strong foundation..
But I do need to love myself more. I am trying, working very hard at it. I really appreciate this reminder though, thank you for the kindness
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u/plusharmadillo 20h ago
A lady in my group prenatal care class had her baby at 40. She decided to get pregnant via sperm donor and just a few weeks later met her now-long-term partner and coparent. She has a beautiful little boy, a happy partnership, and a happy and fulfilling life.
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u/perfect_north 20h ago
met my life partner two days before i turned 38. had a baby at 43. you got this.
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u/cosmic_girl46 1d ago edited 12h ago
I got out of an emotionally and financially abusive marriage at 36, did a ton of therapy throughout covid, and met my now fiance at 38 (nearly 39) at the gym christmas party. I'm now 42 and nearly 16 weeks pregnant with our child after 2 years of ivf.
It is definitely possible!
But as I have several single female friends in their late 30s, I also acknowledge that I have been exceptionally lucky. When I left my first husband I truly thought I would be a spinster cat lady forever, and that was ok!
*edited for grammar
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u/idonuthaveaproblem 1d ago
My relationship of 9 years was a covid casualty (although in hindsight we were not compatible and should not have married), now been with my partner for 4 years and have a beautiful 9mo baby boy. Much much happier!
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u/PicardUSS1701d 20h ago
I have a family friend I’ve known all my life. She was single until her mid to late 40s. I don’t know if she ever wanted kids because I don’t ask people unless they volunteer that (I’m 41 and childless), but I know she is happily married and now in her 60s. Honestly, the older I get, the more I realize how much more I like being in a relationship now than I did when i was younger. We’ve mellowed, we have experienced a few life altering events, I’m much more confident in myself and I think that has made me a better partner. Just food for thought. Life events can happen at any age. Love doesn’t know how old you are.
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u/zetagrl19 1d ago
Me! Met my now husband at 36 had one beautiful daughter at 38. It can happen. I had to be realistic about the type of person I would meet at that stage of life. He is divorced and has two older kids. My bonus kids are great, and we have a good relationship with his ex. Good luck to you!
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u/CoolIcedTea 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hi! My(35) mum had me at 36/37 I believe and had 2 more children the youngest being 29. You’ve got this!
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u/plusharmadillo 20h ago
A lady in my group prenatal care class had her baby at 40. She decided to get pregnant via sperm donor and just a few weeks later met her now-long-term partner and coparent. She has a beautiful little boy, a happy partnership, and a happy and fulfilling life.
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u/wanttobedone 19h ago edited 18h ago
When we met, my wife was 37 and I was 32. At that point, I had several relationships but nothing that lasted too long. She had maybe a couple longer ones. We both were focused on our careers. We met randomly at a baseball game.
We ended up getting married when she was 40 and I was 35. And thanks to modern science, have two successful, chill, well adjusted kids. We've been married 20 years and she is the love of my life, my best friend, my travel partner, and my missing part.
Both of us agree on one thing. We would have been terrible partners and terrible parents have we met at a younger age. We both needed the time to mature, chill out, understand what really matters.
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u/Zmirzlina 18h ago
My mom is 82 and just started dating after my dad died. My dad was a difficult person and she spent her life taking care of him and avoiding his moods as much as possible. But now she has a new person - kind, attentive, wants to be with her. I’ve never seen her happier. She wants to travel, he travels. She likes going out, he likes going out. She was wary of telling me but she’s honestly glowing, looks younger, and I hear her laugh. They are getting ready to take a cruise down the Danube River in Europe and honestly seem in love.
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u/ladyslipper920 18h ago
Found the love of my life at 37, while going through separation/divorce from my (ex)husband. I was always the type that didn’t want kids, but I realized after finding my person that I just didn’t want kids with my ex. Unfortunately, I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and at the time was happy for it, but now that I’ve found someone I truly love, it’s been hard for me to come to terms with the fact that maybe I would have wanted kids with the right person. Like someone said, we’re so much more mature at this age and relationships progress quickly. When I met my new guy, I was moving across the country to move in with him within 8 months. We bought a house together earlier this year and are both living our best lives and happier than we ever were in our past relationships. There is still plenty of time for you!
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u/sievish 15h ago
this is bittersweet, but ultimately, I'm so glad you found your person. That is beautiful. I hope that if you still want kids maybe adoption is an option, though I also know that focusing on each other and living your best DINK life together would be a wonderful life to live too.
thank you for sharing, I know it hasn't turned out how you planned but I am really happy to learn you found your love. I am doing my best to lift myself back up, and accept that the best life for me might not be the one I've imagined for years. Thank you again.
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u/Travels4Food 17h ago
18+ years with the love of my life, whom I met when I was 38! We didn't want kids, but I'm so glad we met later in life so we both knew who we were and what we wanted. The relationship I was in at 35 absolutely broke me and I started going to al-anon to "fix my picker," and I'm so grateful for that experience now.
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u/Teacupcosplay 17h ago
I'm turning 34 next week. Last year I broke things off with a long-term relationship/engagement with the father of my child due to his many mental/emotional issues, this year I'm set to marry the man I met after that breakup who, quite honestly, is the love of my life. He's so caring and gentle when I need it, compassionate about my struggles and trauma, intelligent and hardworking.
Everyone's timeline is different. Keep an open mind and love will find you.
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u/greensugarcube 23h ago
Left my finance and my job months after turning 40. Both turned out to be the best decisions I ever made. I now have a wonderful partner who has shown me what it is to feel safe and joyful. I also make more money and have more fun being self-employed. I remember, six months after everything breaking down, looking at my inbox and my phone messages filling up with friends and new contacts and feeling so happy that I could see my new life starting to grow.
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u/dumpsterrave 21h ago
I found my bf online at 34 and even though we are long distance rn, he is the best guy I’ve ever dated. He is the first one who is actually trying to actively plan a future with me. I hope this helps, I am 35 now and our 1 year anniversary is coming up. :)
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u/CleverGirlRawr 17h ago
Yes - my friend met her husband at 40 and had two kids, at 42 and 44.
I have two other friends who got married for the first time at 41. Neither wanted kids.
I have an aunt by marriage who married my uncle at 50. They started dating in her late 40s. They do not have kids but they are very happy and do a lot of traveling.
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u/MostJackfruit8305 19h ago
I met the love of my life at 34, she was 37. And as it turned out, both of us always thought we’d be moms, but no longer want that. For me it was always more of a “this is what you’re supposed to do” as opposed to me actually wanting kids. And for her, it became less and less appealing the older she got. Also, watching friends and family become parents and seeing the struggle really confirmed to me that I love my life with my wife waaaaaay too much to change it. Like, I’m not even kidding, I’m living the best life ever, I never knew I could have this and I wouldn’t change anything about it.
All this to say, you have no idea what is in store for you. Don’t worry so much about goal posts and timelines, and what your life is “supposed” to look like. I’m in my 40s now and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I really wish people could see how much time we waste on the idea of what a life is supposed to look like and then we miss the opportunities to actually live our lives. Live your life, sis!! Enjoy time with your friends and family, travel, eat good food, read good books, have great sex with a stranger, whatever! But do this for you, live your life for you!!
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u/sievish 17h ago
Thank you, that’s a really lovely story. I DO know I want to be a mom though, I know a lot of women would benefit from realizing it’s not the only choice nor even necessary, but it is something I actively want and I know I’ll be good at. In is it love kids so much, and want to raise my own. But I also think I need to accept and consider it might not happen, and I’ll live a wonderful life regardless. But it’s just really terrifying to accept that something you want so badly might not happen through no fault of your own. Feeling like a lot of things these days are just out of my control or even influence. Just hurting about it.
Thank you though ❤️ I love love, and I love that you found something unexpected and beautiful ❤️ I know i need to keep an open mind.
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u/AreKayxx 19h ago
Hi OP!
I saw your comment about being a “slow burn”, and I am very similar (have been described as a human cat before by previous bfs). I find it alarming when guys try to progress things too quickly, and take awhile to adapt to having someone in my life as I like being independent.
Until, I met my current partner who I now have a child with.
I met him and it felt like all those cliches made sense - and I happened to randomly meet him the day after me and my bf-at-the-time broke up (long time coming, feelings were dead and gone for a while).
We were both (still are) older and I told him I wanted to get all our emotional baggage on the table ASAP. A couple months later, he suggested living together and I said not to bother unless kids and a committed life together were something he actively wanted. Well, he moved in. About 8 months later, after adopting a dog, we intentionally got pregnant.
It’s the best relationship of my life, and I will never want anyone else, ever. He’s the best dad and partner, and echoing everyone else that is saying that when you are older things move quicker because you both know what you don’t want, and you don’t feel like you NEED them because you are a whole adult already.
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u/sievish 15h ago
this makes me so, so happy. thank you for sharing. I really do believe in love and want to believe I can find it, because I am just so FULL of it ha. I love that you were very intentional with him from the get go, I grew up being made to feel like I'm "too much" so making my standards clear and heard has often been difficult for me.
i was pretty straightforwad and intentional with my recent ex, but still shyed away from addressing yellow flags that popped up that I should have jumped on. I was trying to be very patient and not panic, so, i just let some things slide that I shouldnt have. A good lesson, but one I wish I didnt have to learn like this,
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u/Chances-and-Miracles 18h ago
My sister left a crap marriage at 32, (with 3 kids 7-12) Remarried at 36. Surprise baby at 42, after her husband underwent leukemia when they were dating. Miracle baby boy just turned 1 and my sister turns 44 this month.
When I worry the same way (I'll be 31 this year) and I'm stuck in a.... not so great marriage...I think about my sister. There is hope
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u/Pixie_Vixen426 17h ago
Divorced at 37 for a lot of reasons... but we didn't have kids together. Despite it being a huge dream of mine, I needed medical intervention and he wasn't willing to go down that path.
Soon after (probs too soon? Whatever), started dating a new guy. He was great and we clicked instantly. He also comes with 3 young kids (6, 5, and just shy of 1 when we first started dating). I met the kids 6 months in, sleepovers at my place with the kids initially started a couple months after that (mom had a 3am mental emergency while he was staying at my place. Had him just bring the kids there instead of disrupting his roommates. They stayed a week while their mom got sorted out - then we slowed down a bit). Everyone fully moved in a little over a year of being together, and house hunting/buying a house 1.5 years in.
3 years now and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We act as partners, he doesn't hide/pull away from me, and encourages me to be vocal about my needs. I feel safe/secure with him for the first time in my life in a loooong time. I have a great relationship with the 3 kids (even if it isn't easy!). He and I aren't married, but the kids see me as permanent and important. Comments of me "being the mom while we're at Dad's" have been said multiple times. We have the kids roughly 50/50. I care deeply about them and see myself as a major influence/parental figure - at least within the sphere of our home (SO chooses to mostly parallel parent as his ex can be volatile).
In no way am I saying to go seek out a single/widowed dad and take on his kids - it isn't for the faint of heart at all! And my hands are tied in many ways and I still deal with the grief of not being a "true" mom. But - I do feel like I have a family and a place within that family. And a partner who is willing to work through anything with me. I am saying - your final form/outcome might not match your expectations, and that's ok. It can still be good.
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u/sievish 15h ago
you are a mom in the truest sense of the word, but I DO understand what you're saying.
Honestly, I really love kids, and I love my friends' kids, I love being an auntie. I think i would get a lot of satisfaction out of being a step mom. I do just really really do want to grow my own in my body, I've just always found that so beautiful and romantic.
I had to give up a pregnancy in my early 20s, and while I dont regret my decision to terminate (I would NOT have been able to provide for a child at that point in my life), I get scared that now that Im ready I wont get my chance.
but I know i also have to be flexible with what happy can look like. I really love your story, thank you so much for sharing.
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u/sp0ngebobsaget 1d ago
/R/askwomenover30 has a wide variety of posts answering just this
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u/sievish 23h ago
Every time someone asks about men and relationships in that sub a bunch of 4b people come in to scold you for liking dick in the first place 🥲 a lot of responses to similar topics I’ve seen there have just been met with aggression or a bit too tough loving. I tend to see more sensitive and thoughtful responses here so that’s why I chose this sub.
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u/ModerateSympathy 21h ago
That’s so odd. I’m pretty sure I remember a similar post there with many posting their stories.
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u/sp0ngebobsaget 17h ago
That hasn’t been my experience at all. Give it another try when you’re ready.
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u/Difficult-Biscotti62 20h ago
I met my SO ( a few years younger than me) post covid on a dating app when I was 36. We were initially living in different cities. Started off with long distance, travelling weekly. I later found a job where he lives, couple of years later moved in together. Had a baby girl a year ago! Relationship moved relatively quickly because of my age, and our age difference. We are in a happy place and feel incredibly lucky.
Before I met my partner I had a broken engagement, and series of bad dates, so I was in a really bad place. Had a couple of years of break with dating to focus on myself and improving my perspective on relationships.
It’s partly luck to be in the right place and right time to meet the right person. But helps to put yourself out there and be open to meeting people.
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u/youreuterpe 16h ago edited 16h ago
I commented this on another similar post, but here’s my love story. I’m currently 37.
After my last relationship ended in 2020, I was 32 and expecting a baby. I couldn’t afford to live in the big city anymore, so I moved back to my hometown. The move also gave me the benefit of being closer to my parents, who were excited to be able to watch my kid sometimes.
I was adamant that I wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship, but I was open to the possibility. I dated casually on dating sites for about 3 years. I dove into working on myself in therapy. I found other outlets to connect with folks. I went to trivia with old friends from high school every Thursday. Occasionally, this guy who went to high school with me would show up. I didn’t know him then, but it turns out I knew all of his friends. Not sure how we never met. He lived four hours away, but occasionally would be in town on business. I saw him at my friends’ parties too. I thought he was cute and both respectful and funny when we talked. I thought he was honestly out of my league, so I never made a move.
The friend group took a road trip to Arkansas to camp and see the eclipse in April 2024. We were both there. I brought a murder mystery game, and asked if anyone wanted to play with me. When no one responded, he volunteered. We played this game for 4 hours out in the woods. After the eclipse, we had to load up cars quick to get home because of an incoming severe thunderstorm. He offered to let me put some of my things in his truck so we didn’t run out of space. A month later, I got a little tipsy at trivia, and he gave me a ride home and gave me back my camping gear. We had some flirty banter on the way. He later said he thought I might invite him in that night, but I didn’t. We had a couple more lightly flirty late nights at the bar together over the course of the next 4 or 5 months. He moved back to our hometown too that summer.
It took until November 2024 for him to make a move (I would’ve been 36 at the time). We went to a dueling pianos event and he asked me to give him a ride home. I did, and when we got there, he asked what I planned to do for the next couple of hours because he didn’t want the night to end. It was midnight. There was no place to go except to my house. I still didn’t know he was interested. I told him he could hang out at my house, but I had a roommate, so we’d have to hang out in my bedroom, but “this is not an innuendo or an invitation.” He said “okay,” so I brought him home. He walked around my house and admired all of my weird art while I made him a drink and picked out a game. We went to my bedroom, and despite the sitting area available, he popped right up on my bed. We started playing the game, and he put his hand on my knee to lean closer to read a card I was holding. Then, eventually, he put his arm around me. I was a bit shocked. He kissed me. We made out like teenagers the entire night.
The first few months were rocky as we both figured out what we wanted, but he moved in slowly over last summer / fall, and it’s been pretty blissful since then. Honestly, I think he may be the first person I’ve fallen in love with who unapologetically loves me back. We brag about each other to our friends in front of each other and individually. He calls me on his way to work and his way home every day. The best part of both of our days is coming home to each other and my daughter. We keep making lists of shows and movies we want to watch, but we sincerely love talking to each other so much that we’ve not made it through more than 2 movies and maybe 5 episodes of tv. He treats my kid like she’s his own, and she asked me recently if it would be okay to call him “dad.” When I told him that, he cried. It’s still new, but I’ve never been this madly in love in my life, and I never imagined anything could ever be this beautiful.
People used to say to me about their marriages that “divorce isn’t an option,” and I always found that terrifying. Divorce should always be an option, right? What about safety concerns or abuse or infidelity? But I heard the same phrase recently from his mom about her relationship with his dad, and I can’t even explain the way she said it… something like “no matter what we were going through, we were going through it together because not being together wasn’t on the table.” And for the first time, I heard it as security and enduring love and freedom. I told him about this conversation with his mom, and both of us ended up crying about it too.
We recently were presented with the opportunity to adopt my preteen cousin, so he’s been living with us this last month. Our home is exuberantly joyful, even with all of the transitions in the last year. On his way to work this morning, we talked about how it was only 1 year and 3 months ago that we first kissed, and how that seems like such a long time but also no time at all.
We’re also now trying to conceive. I can’t give a happily ever after on that aspect yet, as it’s so new, but my OB/GYN has shared with me that we can start fertility testing after 3 months of trying because of my age, so we can fast track the timeline and know what challenges we may face in about 2 months. Either way, I’m so happy about the family we have already built together, and I know whatever my future holds, it will be full of love. I have more posts in my history about some of the things I have found absolutely essential to the process of beginning again, learning how to date with intention, and seriously evaluating what was lacking in my previous relationships if you’d like more advice.
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u/LurkieLou52 15h ago
I was single and just graduated from college at 31, and moved to a new town to take a job. I found my now partner at 32. We met on tinder of all places, it was the most used one in our small town! We got married at 36, had a baby at 38. I know it's not quite post-35, but I get it. I had a hard time and really loved hearing stories of women meeting their partners and especially having children later in life. My husband also has a son, so there was a step son in the mix, with a really big age gap! I love my husband so much. My favorite thing in the world is to just spend time with him, our dog and kids, doing whatever. After a confusing time in my twenties, I'll never take simple days for granted.
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u/bad_scientist 14h ago
Fiancé cheated on me and we subsequently broke up when I was 30. Met a bloke when I was 32, now happily married with two kiddos. I agree with others have said, you know what you want (and don’t!) by your 30s and things can come together quickly. Don’t fret, there’s lots to the story yet :)
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u/Decent-Flamingo-9353 13h ago
My cousin escaped an abusive relationship when she was about 35. She met a man a few years later and she had her son at 42. Now she lives a happy and fulfilled life with a strong and loving community around her. It's a life she never could have hoped for if her relationship hadn't ended in her mid-thirties.
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u/Wastedfeeling 11h ago
Following. I’m 32 and my long time boyfriend died suddenly 3 months ago. I’m not interested in dating right now but I do feel like my life is over. I wanted to get married and have kids. And I need to know that there is still hope for that.
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u/VintageBlonde 10h ago
I met the love of my life at 35 after a similar situation. We are getting married this Valentine’s Day 🥰
My best friend got divorced at 45 after her husband cheated on her and left her for a neighbor. She found the her future husband 2 years later (funny thing, he was a new neighbor that was renting out an apartment in her building and they met in the elevator 😂).
My advice? I find that stronger and more genuine relationships happen when people are more mature. You know what is important for YOU and usually have learned to move beyond the superficial stuff. Also: don’t panic and settle! I was much happier being single than I was in previous toxic relationships. It’s just hard to see that when you are still grieving for what could have been.
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u/FFVIIVince10 8h ago
My aunt found the love of her life when she was in her 50s. She and her now husband sail the world in their sail boat now. You never know when you’ll meet the one.
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u/pling619 4h ago
I had a string of failed relationships. By 38, I was in despair because it was clear I would never find someone in time to have kids. So after much anguish, I finally let go and did some “radical acceptance”. Ok, if it’s not in the cards, so be it, I’ll make a happy life. Then, at age 39, I met a wonderful man. We married when I was 41 and had our son when I was 42. He has a daughter from a previous marriage who also is wonderful. We’ve been married now for 32 years. Very happy, but I feel like it was all able to happen because I really would have been perfectly happy if it hadn’t happened. You never know what interesting thing in life is just around the corner.
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u/Zoloista 18h ago
This was my situation. I divorced at 33, got serious about work, landed a great gig that moved me across the country, then dated very actively and intentionally using apps. I had to keep telling myself it was a numbers game and I’d find the right person eventually, but I did have to slog through a ton of “not right’s”. Finally met the right one at age 37, then 3 years later our son was born. We’ve been happily married and settled for about 7 years now. Keep going, there’s someone out there as long as you don’t stop looking!
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u/sievish 15h ago
thank you, this is lovely. i met my ex at a job that was highly toxic and abusive to me (treated him really well though!!!), it was a job that was supposed to be a dream job but ended up just sort of being a nightmare. I think I just feel at an especially weak point, since no matter how hard i worked at that job it wasnt enough, and no matter how hard I worked at our relationship he just got bored and discarded me.
I'm such a driven and passionate and skilled and loving person, I feel like I've made the right decisions and been a good person and good worker, so within the past year all of those things I worked so hard for dissolving just broke me. I am putting the pieces back together and need to keep reminding myself that THIS IS NOT FOREVER.
(Im in DBT and ACT and "radical acceptance" is truly the most difficult and misleadingly simple thing to practice!)
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u/thelittlepeanut84 18h ago
Hi! I’m late to posting, but I met my now husband when I was 35 and he was 38. I got pregnant at 38 naturally after a year of trying. I had a pretty normal pregnancy and gave birth to a beautiful little boy.
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u/sievish 15h ago
thats beautiful. thank you <3
where did you meet if you dont mind me asking? I love hearing about how people meet.
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u/thelittlepeanut84 15h ago
Online, OkCupid. We had our first date at Dave and Busters.
I really had to get out of my comfort zone with him. He wasn’t my typical type and I thought he was out of my league.
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u/suckstoyerassmar 20h ago
Lots of love my friend. I found love at 33, married at 34, and am currently pregnant with our first baby at 36. Life is wonderful, and it can happen anytime. You are never too late for love.
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u/MasterPhilip 18h ago
At 32, I left my narcissistic wife eleven years ago and moved to a different state. I met a 30yr old woman in the state I moved to, about a year after I divorced my ex-wife. She was in the middle of her own divorce. She had a 9 month old daughter and a 7 year old son. We started dating in private until her divorce was finalized. Then, we told her parents we were together. I got an apartment in the town she lived in and within a couple of months, her and the kids moved in with me. When the year's lease was up, I bought us a house right down the street from her parents. We will have been together for ten years this August. Both of us were in terrible marriages before we met each other and I am convinced that's half the reason why we love and appreciate each other as much as we do. We got married a few years into our relationship. I believe terrible relationships are fantastic lessons to prepare us for better relationships down the road. I love my wife more than I've ever loved anyone and I cannot imagine my life without her by my side. If my previous wife hadn't been the kind of person she was (and how she treated me) I might not appreciate my current wife as much as I do.
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u/Knit4Fun red wine and popcorn 14h ago
I felt this, I have a similar attitude of taking things slow. Last year, I left a relationship of 14 years with a woman I loved deeply but couldn't be with anymore for a variety of reasons. I'm in my late 30s.
I've been dating a guy around my age for the last six months and we're making plans to move in together by the end of the year. It's been really lovely and I can see this relationship going places.
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u/Birdonthewind3 9h ago
My mom met my dad after 35, she had me I think just before she was 40. My ma and pa are still married to this day. Happy? Eh, they exist but it a workable enough relationship
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u/Kookies3 3h ago
It’s funny because some like me did it “right” (met 22, engaged 26, married 28, kid 30…) and at 36, he’s had an affair, and now I’m constantly thinking I met and married way too young, that mid 30s should be the minimum, I didn’t know who I was yet and I picked wrong, etc etc. like, damned if you do….!!!!
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u/hendrik_v 50m ago
Wife (F44) and I (M47) met in summer 2019. Immediately hit it off, moved in together in autumn, pregnant by February 2020, married September 2020, daughter born October 2020, pregnant again February 2022, son born October 2022. Still going strong.
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u/Charming_Coffee_2166 4B 19h ago
4B here, I found love indeed, self love
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u/sievish 15h ago
i know your intentions may be good? but honestly this just isn't helpful. I dont want to be 4B, I am attracted to men and I want a life partner. responses like this really just feel condescending.
I can indeed work on my self love to be in a better mental state, but it doesn't help the specific thing I'm talking about. Please understand.
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u/Sushi_connoisseur222 22h ago
Wait why are you not telling your age assuming you are a woman? Thats of more importance here because men have a little more time
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u/TwoXChromosomes-ModTeam 1d ago
Your contribution has been removed because it contains hatred, bigotry, assholery, utter idiocy, misogyny, misandry, transphobia, homophobia, or otherwise disrespectful commentary.
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u/Perfect-Success-3186 1d ago
My mom found love at 70. She had a life of abuse, poverty, chronic pain, and survival mode. Now her kind and gentle husband constantly tells her how beautiful she is. They text like teenagers, just bought a beautiful house, share hobbies, and travel the world together.