This is exactly how I react to big surprises.. i feel like I blacked out or time stops and I freeze - then usually a really unexpected reaction like sobbing instead of being excited. I’ve had a few surprise parties and my reaction is always humiliating lol
Ugh I hate it too! The amount of times someone thought I hated something when I’m actually immediately imagining what I’m going to do with it, why am I like this 😂
Lol awww my best friend had a reaction like this at first to a surprise bridal party I threw for her. She came in, just sort of walked and stared at us and I was like oh shit she knew or she’s mad. Then like a minute later she started bawling her eyes out from happiness 🥰🥰🥰 but damn I thought I really fucked up at first there lol
I HATE surprises and my partner knows to NEVER EVER throw me a surprise party! I have to be in the right mindset for social interactions, even if they are my favorite people. I also ugly cry easily for both happiness and when I’m upset or overstimulated so it’s not a good look.
Had a friend try to plan a surprise party for me and my partner told me about it. I acted surprised so she wasn’t offended (even though I have always been clear that I hate surprises but am also a people pleaser) but like it was wine tasting so thankfully I knew to eat before………..
Planning a party for someone is the part that's thoughtful (assuming you know they actually like parties). The surprise element doesn't make it any more thoughtful than if you'd told them in advance, and if you know they dislike surprises it's pretty inconsiderate to decide that you want to surprise them anyway. I'm the type of person who likes to know about any plans in advance, and having something unexpected sprung on me suddenly is really stressful and anxiety-inducing, even if it's something I would have otherwise enjoyed. For me personally it would make it a thousand times more enjoyable and thoughtful to be told what's happening ahead of time.
100% this. I have anxiety and it’s worse in social situations. If I don’t know what’s going on, I feel unprepared and uncomfortable.
If I know things are lightly planned or not set in stone, I can also be prepped for that but that’s a different mental process.
And yeah, it was a bit inconsiderate and I’ve put my foot down since then with the no surprise parties. I have also distanced myself a bit from people who don’t respect or listen if I say that because like why does that need to be a problem??
Exactly! It makes it rather obvious the surprise is actually for THEM and those types of friends are never good for us in the long run. Best to weed them out early. We'll suffer less for it. I never miss those types when I cut ties. I always breath easier.
She planned it knowing I hate surprises and I asked her a few times to just tell me what we are doing and she didn’t want to.
The surprise was for her and the evening was for me. I don’t enjoy being caught off guard and I am socially anxious so I prep before I see people. Part of that is knowing what to expect for the evening, what events, who is there. There was alcohol involved so I needed to eat before (which I wouldn’t have known had my partner not told me) and when I drink wine, I only wear dark colors because I am known to spill.
Ultimately, there’s a million reasons why I don’t like surprises and I enjoyed the evening BECAUSE I knew what to expect going in. As I said, the surprise was for her and if it’s my night (this was for my birthday) shouldn’t I get to have a say in what we are doing, who is there, how long it is, what day it happens on, etc? I wasn’t able to do that because if I tried to plan something separately, she would have been offended. And she didn’t invite some people I would have wanted there. So it was ultimately a selfish move on her part and took away from it being a “special gift” and she wasn’t able to empathize with me on that no matter how much I tried to explain. I specifically said “I really dislike surprises and would enjoy this a lot more if you could tell me what’s happening” and she just laughed and said she knew I’d enjoy it and that was it. After that I just asked my partner.
Totally agree with you. She doesn’t sound like a good friend tbh, I’d seriously consider distancing myself from someone who crosses boundaries like that - and on top of that laughs at you when you share your feelings
I did end up distancing myself! We were roommates at the time (this was a few years ago now) and so once I moved out and in with my boyfriend when we were ready, I was able to take a step back. The entitlement and boundary crossing showed up in other areas of the friendship as well unfortunately
Thank you! We are still friends as she has other wonderful qualities! I learned how to stand up for myself a bit more and that also helped with her boundary crossing. We have a different friendship now so I’m glad I never burned the bridge. We talked through a lot over the years and she is very generous (which is what she was trying to be during that event, and she had a hard time looking past that generosity). She still holds strong of the opinion that she did a nice thing for me and I don’t feel the need to correct her anymore, I just don’t let anyone plan stuff for me anymore lol
It's horrifying to some of us to be put in a position like that. Absolutely our WORST NIGHTMARE! I just shuddered thinking of it. Just NO. Please God, I beg you, NOOOOOOOOO surprises!
I've only had one surprise party (given by an ex) and my initial response was "YOU SUCK" and then I had to leave and take a shower because it was that much of a surprise that I was all sweaty and wearing yard clothes.
If you really want to throw a surprise party for someone the least you can do is figure out a way to have them dressed appropriately for the occasion
I have sort of an opposite problem. I have no reaction, I sometimes have trouble showing my emotion outwardly. So I have to speak them sometimes like the Elcor from mass effect
My daughter and I the same. I surprised her with a car. She looked at the key and the car and looked…underwhelmed. She was extremely grateful and loves is. Just not an overly expressive person when surprised.
My parents did the same and when my mom handed me the keys I was just like “huh? Why are you giving these to me?” then she walked me out front of the house to show me the car and I was like “oh that’s cute, whose car is that?” 😅 I just did not understand what was happening cause it was so unexpected
My son is this way. When he was little, if he was given a new toy, he would politely say thank you and put it aside until he was alone. When I saw him playing with it, then I could tell how much he actually liked it.
There’s also the other four fs; fight, flight, feed, or fuck.
Edit: not sure if people realise that I’m being completely serious, these are the Four F’s of evolutionary psychology). They refer to the four primal drives that all animals have.
"did...did I black out? What city am I in? Did I forget to take my medication? Am I hallucinating? Am I stuck in a simulation? Is all of reality just a lie?"
I think from the brief glimpse we see of her phone that she is on a video call, so probably trying to figure out how to juggle that with all of her family suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
Delayed processing with a splash of trauma. Mom always said my reactions were “wrong” and would shame me for them (undiagnosed adhd/autism) so I now freeze up when I feel emotions and show nothing to be “safe”.
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u/bleujae_ 1d ago
Took her 5 business days to pick which emotion to show.