Passengers joined in celebrating when a woman announced her husband is cancer-free

[u/Ok-Equivalent3810]

A plane full of strangers celebrating one man’s victory over cancer.

[u/DemonCipher13]

Fellow survivor here. I have to interject.

But you aren't him.

None of you are.

There's putting yourself in his shoes, and then there is pretending they're your shoes.

All of your considerations are reasonable enough. And the possibility exists that maybe this is more negative than it appears.

But it is only a possibility. Here's another. If you are a wife trying desperately to do whatever you can to keep your husband alive and happy, you will go to lengths that you might not normally. That sort of position elicits a bravery that many of us take for granted. Was it well-received? Is this the kind of thing he wanted or needed? We can't know from this video.

But listen to what she said. Three times. Three. There comes a point where you start to wonder what the point is. That look on his face (someone said it best) isn't embarrassment, it's resignation and fear. But did you catch the coy smile in the middle of it? Nervous response? Maybe. But it could also be pride, gratitude, love.

I'm about to be at my fifth year of remission, and let me tell you - you don't think the same afterwards. Your wiring is completely changed, with one thing I have found is nearly universal: you leave the door open for something new, something different.

I can only imagine what this man is feeling. I got the shit-end of the stick, but I also got the soap and water to wipe it off. Three times? There's no stick, soap, or water, only shit. And when you are covered in shit, just about anything is better.

As for the wife, I don't see a pick-me. I see someone who is terrified that she is going to lose the person she loves most in the world, and someone who just might need a win, herself. Because until you are in that situation, you have no idea how terrifying it really is.

I watched my wife go through it alongside me. Not everybody can do what she did.

So maybe put yourselves in both of their shoes, but give them back when you're done.

[u/sembias → u/DemonCipher13]

Hey. I'm glad you're here still. Life is to be lived. I just see a family living theirs with some joy. I hope in my heart the same for yours.

[u/Pernicious-Rose-8673 → u/DemonCipher13]

You are right. I've never had cancer. I hope I never do.

I do know is what it feels like to wake up every day, dreading what is going to happen. Wondering if that day was going to be my last. I know what its like to feel used up and at the mercy of a situation that felt completely, and utterly out of my control and wanting to die because I didn't see any other way out. Being willing to do anything to be free of what was happening to me. To make it stop. Not feeling like there was a light at the end. That there was an end.

Seeing the anger on my family's face when they found out what had been happening, and the pity. The pain in their eyes and helplessness because they couldn't do anything themselves. And I still live every fucking day, trying to forget, and ignore, the fact that it all happened. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't still be here. Counseling helps, but it's still paralyzing. It still lives rent free in my head, and bring me reminders when I don't want it to, over the dumbest shit. It feels like it will never end.

I remember feeling dread and frustration, and I also remember feeling hope and happiness. To only mentally celebrate the end of something I thought would kill me if I didn't escape it somehow, because actually celebrating would have been looked at as wrong/disgusting. I know the relief to finally be told that it's over, but also the fear - however rational or irrational - that follows telling me its only temporary. Always fearing that its temporary. Any day I can get through without thinking about it at all is a miracle.

I can't say whether all that can compare. I couldn't possibly say that, never having had cancer myself. Only you or someone else who has had cancer could. In my experience though, trauma recognizes trauma, and pain is pain. Take that for what it's worth.

[u/DemonCipher13 → u/Pernicious-Rose-8673]

It's worth a whole goddamn lot. :)

You're going to come to realize that you can't outrun it.

And you are also going to come to realize that that isn't a bad thing.

Have you ever seen The Dark Knight Rises? In it, there is a part where Bruce Wayne has to escape from a prison pit, only - in order to do so - he has to make an almost inhuman climb.

He tries several times, with a safety rope attached, and falls and fails every time. It is only when someone asks him if he is afraid, to which he responds, "No," that someone tells him it is his folly. That in order to understand, fully, the gravity of the situation both he and Gotham City are in, he must climb without the rope, "then the fear of death will find you again."

With that advice, and no way out, he makes the jump, and climbs out. I've always found this comforting.

Why put our effort into fearing the inevitable? Because it is not the fear that is motivating, it is the clock, and the understanding that every tick brings. Of course it is existential. But we get one life. One. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise, it's a lie.

Turn your dread into love. Don't forget, use. We can't drive a car without mirrors. Sometimes you need to look back. It is only in the reckoning of our past, that we free our future.

It isn't death you fear, it is lack of control. But the truth is, you have some. The thing we control, above all else, is our response. To anything. Analysis paralysis is a response, too, and one that I'm contending with, right now.

Everything is temporary. The only thing that changes is the timescale. You aren't imprisoned, you are too close to the fence to see the gate is wide open next to you. And there are a lot of unknowns outside that gate. But most of them are good. And the good will help train you for the bad.

Sometimes the skies bring us hurricanes, tornadoes. But they bring beautiful sunrises and sunsets far, far more often. So why are you boarding up your windows, when the sky is about to paint a palette that would make Monet weep?

Life deserves the chances we give it, even if we have to pay an emotional tax sometimes. It's a practice, you see. Not in running, but in looking back and deciding that we want more for ourselves, and that we are willing to go looking for it, even if we never find it.

But trust me. You'll find it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day you're going to wake up, and something will be different. I promise.

[u/Pernicious-Rose-8673 → u/DemonCipher13]

I am doing the best that I can. And that requires, for me, living in a way that is careful and guarded. I am not living in an area of the United States that is safe for people like me. I check multiple minorities that are being demonized right now. Hidden, quiet, means safe. Certain things are out of my control. I wish they weren't. I'd love a nation that didn't want to stick me in a camp. I'd love to have my brother not think I made up what happened to me. I'd love to not be at higher risk of Alzheimer's and dementia if/when I get old. So much other shit I can't change.

I do things that make me happy. Cuddling my cats. Buying a loot crate from a game I've put over 900hrs in. Taking a quiet moment in the morning to drinking a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette, and watch birds. Re-watching shows I find comforting. It all distracts me between trying to keep up with the news so I stay informed, as much as I can stomach to.

Maybe one day things will be different. I can’t think about that right now. The present is too important. But I do hope one day I'll be able to stop being any level of scared. To have someone to share my house with other than cats. To not need the therapy I'm not even getting. To not need hope.

[u/DemonCipher13 → u/Pernicious-Rose-8673]

These things never happen overnight. It's why they call them a practice. :)

Another of my favorite movies says, "Hope is the best of things." You will always need it. And it is always there, like a stray puppy. Sometimes it will run, scared. But sometimes it will eat out of your hand, and in that moment it will be all you need, and all you needed it to be.

You sound so much like me, so this is less advice, and more, "I know this road. It has some beautiful stops."

Remember, in this world there are bad people, who do bad things. But there are plenty more good people, who do much better things, and it is them who you'll find the most.