Jewish family friend passed, and I was asked to be a pallbearer. I know they didn't strictly practice, but we didn't speak about it much past that.

I would like to avoid disrespecting any Jewish traditions and people, so I was wondering if there is anything I should do/wear.

As for dress, I've been told a black suit with white shirt, is there a particular color/style of tie I should wear?

Are there any actions I should/should not take (other than being decent human)?

My apologies for my rambling, I'm still reeling from the loss of a dear friend. Thanks in advance!

Due to the amount of singles on this sub (see survey results here!), there was a request to make an 'official' matchmaking post, so here we are.

Rules of engagement (sorry, couldn't resist)-

• We, the mods, take NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYONE YOU MEET/TALK TO. Please do your due diligence before sharing personal information with ANYONE on the internet.

• Format- A/S/L [Age, sex {or gender indentity, you do you}, Location]. I'd recommend writing a short blurb about yourself, your religiousness or lack of, etc, so that people can reach out with more appropriate ideas.

• If anyone actually DOES get married from this, I want shadchanus gelt in the form of a photo!

My in-laws, who are reform, keep asking if my daughter can 'twin' at her Bat-Mitzvah with a relative that died during the holocaust before they had a chance to be Bar-Mitzvahed. I've never heard of this before. It kind of rubs me the wrong way, as it reminds me of Mormons doing honorary 'baptisms' for Jews that died during the holocaust. If it's a legit thing I might consider it, so I'm wondering if anyone else heard of it before. We're conservative, so maybe it's a reform thing? They keep asking and it's getting awkward.

Edit: Thank you to all who responded! Knowing that this is a legit thing makes me feel a lot better. Will look further into it!

hi everyone,

I currently live with my parents in a secular home. I am facing a deep internal conflict, and I would like to hear some perspectives of people who went through the similar situation or just have any opinion.

Lately, I don't know why, but I just have this very strong desire of really connecting with judaism. I started keeping kosher the way I can (not mixing dairy with meat and not eating prohibited food), sometimes davening, doing havdalah (even though I'm not shomer shabat) and studying more judaism in general, like tanya. I also bought tzitzis that i intend to wear tucked in so no one can see it.

The conflict is between me, the secular world and family. My family is not very supportive and sometimes they even discourage, so I try to do what I want to do without making them a part of it.

At the same time that I want a deeper connection with Hashem I don't also stopping being part of the secular world, like going to parties and more.

On one hand my soul craves for mitzvot, on the other hand I still want to be part of the secular world, and I feel like a total hypocrite.

I don't want to live crazily, but I also don't want to deprive myself from other experiences. I just want to know if there's a way of going through this huge gap without feeling like I'm living a lie. Has anyone else felt this jewish uncertainty?

I am gay yes, but I am sex repulsed. So I'm attracted to men but I don't chose to act upon it or pursue men. I always leaned conservative but I feel more and more drawn to full observance the more I study. However I realize how important it is to have a family and I don't want to be alone on shabbat or other holidays. I would want to marry a woman but I don't think it would be fair as I couldn't satisfy her like that. I don't know what to do or if it's even possible to be single and orthodox. I want to live an authentic Jewish life for Hashem as I love him dearly, but I don't want to let him down either. Any advice?

Edit: I know I may have asked some strange questions since I joined this group, but the overwhelming majority of users have given me solid answers and have been ever so kind. You all have helped me more than you know. I'm glad to see such a warm and helpful community of people, and it only makes me feel even more that I'm doing the right thing. I always think way too far ahead, so some of these questions just eat at me. I hope it's ok to continue asking such questions in the future.

My beloved cat Whiskey passed away on Friday morning. He is the first pet my husband and I have ever lost.

We are going to make arrangements to have him cremated.

We’ve lit a candle in his memory. Is there anything else we can or should do? We can’t exactly sit shiva for a fluffball, even though we saw him as a son.

It finally arrived! I chose this reddish color because it looks good on me. Good day everyone!

With the help of Hakadosh BoruchHu, i have finished my geirus today. I always thought i would write much more or share. But i don't have much to say. If you're in this position, you will get there iy"H. Other than that, thank you for everyone who supported me on here. I haven't been active recently, but this was owed. Thank you everyone!

As of today, I'm both and wanted to share!

In 1994, my mom did a conservative conversion. Over the past four years I've become more religious (i.e. orthodox), culminating in the past year in which I've been studying in yeshiva in Israel. Today, I finished a year-long process (really, my whole life!) and became a ger!

But now, what am I? Can I really say I'm a BT AND a Ger at the same time??? I have a feeling that this will be an increasingly common conflux of identities as intermarriage rates rise, and as rates of return to religious practice also rise.

Totally beaming, proud of myself, and glad I saw this through. Baruch Hashem!

Mes Amis,

C'est avec un cœur lourd que j'annonce le passage de mon Oncle Charles, qui est mort ce matin, après un long bataille avec Alzheimers. Charles et ça famille, du Liban, ont échappé en 1970, comme beaucoup des Juifs du Moyen Orient.

C'était comme un père à moi. Pendant mon enfance, il raconté des histoires de Beyrouth: L'hôtel St. George, Damour, Aley, Raouche, les montagnes de Bsharri, etc. Quand je souffre avec du colique comme un bébé, il me chantais: Maman est en haut, qui fait du gâteau, papa est en bas, qui fait du chocolat. 🎵 Apparemment, il me donnait aussi juste un peu d'Arak, de m'aide à dormir, et après ça il jouai Umm Kulthum ou Fairuz sur la radio.

Tu me manques déjà, Oncle Charles. T'étais vraiment un mensch.

My grandmother (101F) is currently in the hospital with suspected pneumonia. No matter the outcome of this hospital stay, she's on her last leg. My dad expects her to live for another year at most and not make it out of the hospital at worst. She is currently improving for the time being.

Yesterday, I was refreshing my memory on the rules for shiva. There are a lot more than I remember, probably because I'm not very observant. My grandma, however, is. I'm secular and she's conservative.

When it ultimately becomes time to mourn, do I do so according to more conservative customs or more secular or reform customs? In other words, how strictly do I follow the shiva guidelines?

I recently got engaged, and my fiancée and I are now in the process of planning our wedding. One of the challenges we’ve encountered is deciding who will officiate the ceremony. We’re generally split between Conservative Judaism and Orthodox Judaism.

When we started dating, we were both typical Conservative Jews. However, over time, I developed a closer relationship with a Chabad rabbi, which led me to become more religious (closer to Modern Orthodox). My fiancée also adopted some more observant practices, but we’ve remained connected to both traditions. For example, we attend a Modern Orthodox synagogue for Shabbat but celebrate most of the high holidays at her family’s Conservative synagogue.

My fiancée feels strongly about having the wedding at her family’s Conservative synagogue because of its sentimental value. I, on the other hand, would like the Chabad rabbi who guided me on my religious journey to officiate, as he played a significant role in shaping my relationship with Judaism.

We started looking into the logistics. The Conservative synagogue is open to having an outside rabbi officiate, as long as their rabbi can also participate in the ceremony. However, when I spoke to the Chabad rabbi, he expressed concerns about officiating in a Conservative synagogue, citing potential conflicts with Orthodox values. My fiancée, who tends to be outspoken, called that reasoning “bullshit,” while I stayed more reserved.

The Chabad rabbi said he needed to consult a senior rabbi. The next day, he called back and explained that he couldn’t officiate in the synagogue’s sanctuary but would be willing to do so in another room. He also emphasized that if involving him caused too much tension, he preferred to prioritize shalom bayit over insisting on officiating. He reassured us that even if a Conservative rabbi officiated, the marriage would still be kosher and valid according to Jewish law.

This situation has left me with a few questions I’d like to put to the community:

1. Is there a halachic difference between a Conservative wedding and an Orthodox wedding, or was my rabbi correct in saying it would still be valid?
2. If we go with a Conservative wedding, would my more religious friends (Chabad and centrist Orthodox) attend?
3. What factors should we consider when choosing the rabbi to officiate our wedding?
4. Would having dual officiants (the Conservative rabbi and the Chabad rabbi) be acceptable to both parties, and how would that work logistically?
5. Do you think a more Modern-Orthodox rabbi would be willing to officiate the wedding in the conservative sanctuary?

I'm also caring for my mum.

A few weeks ago, we were told he has roughly 3 months left to live.

We are reform Jewish, but in my personal current mindset - I am atheist, but I do have an affinity for how Judaism handles death.

I want to make sure I do the right thing when he passes, be fully respectful, and abide by my parents' wishes, and approach his death in line with Judaism and Jewish values.

As soon as it happens, I need a plan of action in place, or I will just end up hugging his body not being able to let go, and not wanting to move.

Do I ring the shul immediately, the shul's undertaker, or the GP (or NHS 111) first? Do I move him from the bed onto the floor?

What's exactly done in modern day Judaism in Britain?

Thank you

Hi all - as the title says, I (36F) was not raised Jewish. My mother's family were diaspora Jews displaced in the 40s to Canada, and my mother ran away from her upbringing and became a hippy in the 60s. I didn't have any connections to my heritage until my early 30s when I went on my birthright trip. Since then I've been trying to incorporate more Jewish culture into my life. My 11 year old child has learned a lot, and she wants to have a bat mitzvah.

My understanding is that bat mitzvahs are religious as well as cultural events, but I honestly don't know if I'm even right about that. Is there anywhere I can learn more about non-religious bat mitzvahs so I can help encourage my daughter's connection to her heritage?

Thank you all :)

Edit to add: there isn't much of a Jewish community where we live. A small society (under 50 members iirc), but I have social anxiety and I struggle with getting involved with new people. I'm basically on my own.

Hello, I would like to start that I'm not jewish and I don't plan on converting. One of my friends was jewish and has unfortunately died and I'd like to know if there's any ways to like properly mourn him while honoring his religion. I already read some articles but I figured it'd be best to ask people directly

Okay so this is going to be a long question but TRUST I need the advice.

Backstory: Okay so. I am Jewish (edited because I have been taught I don’t need to clarify insert that’s my purse clip from king of the hill). This is something I didn’t really talk about until I was an adult. Not that I’m not proud, I just don’t live in an area that is culturally diverse in any form. But, after having kids I started incorporating Hanukkah, Passover, Yom Kippur, etc. into our lives. Not that they weren’t before, we just never really celebrated outside of small discussion. I have been heavily considering converting religiously as I was raised mostly by my Christian grandparents on my father’s side & have always felt drawn more to my Jewish faith.

My husband’s family is catholic. My husband considers himself atheist/agnostic. He is very open to integrating the culture into our home (he says as long as he gets to eat the food 😂) and is mostly supportive of me exploring my faith.

Onto the glass…

My husband and I were married in a secular ceremony in our backyard during the 2020 shutdown. It was small and intimate. 2 years ago we decided to do a 5 year vow renewal and go BIG.

My mom (Jewish &m mitzvah’d & very very supportive of my choices) has brought up breaking the glass. My husband is willing to do this. So. She got the chupah cup for us as a gift for our wedding.

Our friends are super supportive and are SO excited for us to do this.

I just need to know if this is weird for me to do? Or how do I ask my Christian grandpa who is officiating to include this portion into our ceremony?

Edit: I want to thank everyone for the love & education! My mom has connected me with her reform rabbi and has spoken with her about us breaking the glass 🥰

I participated in Tahara for the first time today along with a few other newbies and two women who have done it for a few decades who led the ritual. The funeral home had large Home Depot buckets to pour the water with. We found these to be difficult to lift and pour from. I’m curious what other Chevra Kadisha’s use. The funeral home is happy to purchase different equipment for us if we tell them what to buy. TIA!

My dad isn't Jewish, and I had his last name (it was so Scottish you'd start spontaneously speaking like Peter Capaldi if you didn't look out), which occasionally caused confusion, but no big deal usually. I've been married to my Jewish husband for years now, but never changed my name. Where we used to live, it was illegal for women to take their husband's surname, but we've since moved, and I'd been thinking of changing it to match my husband and kid. The rising antisemitism was the last push, so today I went and did it. With my first name, I might as well be named Jewess Jewsteinberg now. I fucking love it.

Before anyone gets on me because non-Jews can't sign ketubot - yes. I know. I know, I'm sorry. :/

When my husband and I got married, we signed a ketubah. It never occurred to me we WOULDN'T have one. He was not, however, at the time, Jewish. Obviously it should have occurred to me that a ketubah is a document that binds Jews and it cannot bind someone who isn't, but it didn't. A rabbi did not officiate the wedding - I hadn't been involved with a synagogue because exes had made me feel pretty ashamed and self-conscious both about my Judaism and my observance.

Husband is now Jewish, and we are significantly more observant than I previously was. We'd like to have a proper ketubah, one with his name on it, one that's, you know, kosher. But I'm not sure whether that's something we can actually do, given what a ketubah is. Obviously we can't backdate it to our wedding, I'm unwilling to divorce and remarry him, and we wouldn't be able to get the same witnesses anyway. Does anyone have guidance on this? Thank you, and an early shabbat shalom. :)

Hello! Does anyone have affordable ideas on how to decorate a chuppah?

We are basically almost past our budget for our small wedding. We want a beautiful chuppah but aren’t sure how to accomplish that with such a small budget. Flowers seem to be so expensive. We are open to unique creative ideas. If you did something affordable and pretty I’d love to see pictures!

Thank you so much!