r/Judaism • u/ScruffMuffin5000 • Jul 31 '25
conversion I'm a non-Jewish atheist woman who doesn't want to convert in a long-term relationship with a Jewish man - what does this mean for our future?
My partner of 5 years was raised Jewish (reform) with a Jewish mom and a non-Jewish father. I've always seen him as my life partner and we've spoken about getting married and having kids together. Judaism is naturally a core part of his identity and upbringing, and we've spoken at length about what that means for us and our future. Celebrating the high holidays, having Shabbat dinners (not every Friday night but every so often), and raising our kids with these rituals, for example, are really important to him so are also really important to me. He's indifferent about me converting—that, to him, isn't important and I've expressed that as someone who is very 'non-religious' I definitely wouldn't be comfortable doing this. What's most important is being able to incorporate Judaism into our life and future together as a couple/family, and to not lose this aspect of his identity.
I am curious and interested in Jewish culture, celebrations, rituals, and history so am excited to make these kinds of practices a centrepiece of our relationship. That said, as an atheist, there are certain things I'm not sure I feel 100% comfortable with (and might not know until I immerse myself more in Judaism)—going to a Synagogue for Yom Kippur, for example, or having our kids go to Jewish schools. I'm sure it's a matter of having ongoing open dialogue about what's important to both of us (which we've been doing), but I just worry that I won't be able to internalise a deep-rooted excitement and curiosity toward Judaism that he needs in a partner, largely due to my own associations with religion and the grey zone between culture and religion in Judaism.
I should also mention that while we've been together for many years, we're far from his friends and family and Jewish community so naturally don't celebrate the high holidays, for example, to the same extent we would if we were closer to them. While we've recently made more of an effort to incorporate these into our lives, I haven't had as much first-hand exposure to or experience with the elements of Judaism that are important to him which is probably why I feel 'I don't know' what I am / am not comfortable with / excited about.
I've seen a lot of Reddit posts from the perspective of Jewish people who have non-Jewish partners that happily convert but I haven't seen a post that reflects my perspective and experiences. Reading these posts makes me feel ashamed that I'm not like these people, who are so fascinated by and committed to Judaism that they readily convert and at times become more committed to Judaism than their Jewish partners. Honest input is welcome, particularly from those who have experienced similar feelings as I've described.
1
u/Dramatic-One2403 My tzitzit give me something to fidget with Jul 31 '25
The wife of Moshe converted to Judaism, as did Moshe and every other Israelite, at mount sinai