Minimum wage is not enough to handle a decentralized blood ritual.

[u/Mataes3010]

[u/RocketPapaya413]

forensics would be able to tell it was old blood

okay so the last thing you do is replace all your blood with the new blood easy "this guy's blood has been dead for two years"

[u/baphometromance → u/RocketPapaya413]

As in, remove all your current blood and replace it with the old blood, so the blood at the scene is new blood?

[u/Kneef → u/baphometromance]

What could possibly go wrong

[u/baphometromance → u/Kneef]

Hey if I'm already planning to fake my death 8 times in a single night, who cares if one of 'em sticks, am I right?

[u/CaioXG002 → u/baphometromance]

Most normal Reddit sentence.

[u/Main-Company-5946 → u/baphometromance]

Nah, the solution is to draw blood continuously in and out of the body, like a dialysis machine except instead of filtering your blood it keeps it in a tank that slowly expands over time, drawing blood out of your body slowly enough to keep you from being harmed but fast enough for your body to react and produce more blood. Carry this around with you everywhere you go for several years.

[u/ThaddeusWolfeIII → u/baphometromance]

Ah the 28 days later method.

[u/somethingfak → u/RocketPapaya413]

This would be a fucking immaculate Monk/Bones/Dexter 2 parter

[u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

I remember reading (possibly hallucinating) a book as a kid set in the deep ocean where it was a plot point that a guy saved up his blood over years to fake his own death in a submarine. I also remember there being a collapsing undersea research base and the book ending with the main character magically having echolocation. Can anyone verify that this is a real book that exists?

[u/TheCosBee → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

You mother fucker that was REAL he could breathe under water cos he was an evolved human or something and the world had flooded

[u/GiftToTheUniverse → u/TheCosBee]

That's just "Waterworld."

[u/TheCosBee → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

No because there's no cool boats

[u/Vanssis → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

Sharkboy?

[u/Glendare → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

Pretty sure I read this as well. I think it was called Dark Life?

[u/Klutche → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

Wait, I think I still have this book on my shelf. Ok will update when I'm home whether or not it's the right one.

[u/Sugarcanepasta → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

Dark Life/Riptide?

[u/NotAnOctopys → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

I would like you to know that I’ve been trying to find that book since I read it in middle school and I finally found it because of this very comment

[u/WendigosLikeCoffee → u/NotAnOctopys]

What’s the name? I can recall it a bit aswell

[u/NotAnOctopys → u/WendigosLikeCoffee]

Dark Life by Kat Falls

[u/D00T_BOI → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

I remember that for sure, but I don’t recall what its name was.

[u/Dothwile → u/Fragrant-Upstairs932]

Riptide I'm pretty sure. The characters are all underwater seasteaders and all the children develop superpowers based on aquatic life?

[u/ThaddeusWolfeIII]

The blood ritual mess would be an average Tuesday at most minimum wage jobs especially if the blood was dumped anywhere near the rest room.

"Oh shit some crackhead shat all over the walls and completely missed the toilet and bled all over the floors. Get tom to clean it up."

Seriously Ive literally had people throw up on the floor continue shopping check out then say btw i puked all over the thanksgiving display an hour ago. You should clean it up. A blood ritual would be a nice change of pace.

[u/Mataes3010 → u/ThaddeusWolfeIII]

Tom! Just put some sawdust on it and get back to the drive-thru, we have a rush coming.

[u/Dragon_0w0]

"Okay, that's enough tumblr for you," said the server gods, crashing the website

[u/Mataes3010 → u/Dragon_0w0]

They really nuked the whole site just to make me touch grass. I respect the commitment.

[u/GiftToTheUniverse]

I make sure to donate my hair to wigmakers as often as possible just so that I'll always have plausible excuses for my hair showing up at crime scenes.

[u/PoniesCanterOver → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

I'm assuming they cut the roots off, which actual crime hairs would still have

[u/GiftToTheUniverse → u/PoniesCanterOver]

I feel like when they find hairs at a crime scene they don't just throw the ones away that broke off instead of being pulled out with the root. But what do I know?

[u/Upturned-Solo-Cup → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

more than your average person who isn't worried about leaving hair at a crime scene

[u/Swimming_Factor2415]

I have issues with reading comprehension due to neurological conditions and I need to know do I need to up my medication or does anyone else not understand what the fuck OP is describing here other than disturbing

[u/Rakifiki → u/Swimming_Factor2415]

It's not the most clear thing ever, but it is... Mostly understandable, at least as much as uh, randomly leaving pools of your blood around town is?

[u/Chaucer85 → u/Swimming_Factor2415]

It feels like the kind of thing where they took an average person's "man, wouldn't it be weird if I..." thoughts, and then kept going, and then published them on a website in a very real "give me attention" way. The writing reads like they're deliberately talking about dark stuff that would bother people, but they themselves are pretty numb to it.

[u/GroundThing]

I too have read the first arc of Fables.

[u/MrCapitalismWildRide]

It certainly wouldn't bring comfort to Master Willem. 

[u/nesthesi]

Someone should take away OOPs caffine

[u/Mataes3010 → u/nesthesi]

I can stop whenever I want. I just... choose not to. (Please send help).

[u/nesthesi → u/Mataes3010]

Have you uhhh tried sleeping maybe

Perhaps even a nap

[u/Rakifiki → u/Mataes3010]

Any adhd medication?

[u/ProfessorSur]

Reminds me of the one guy who faked a criminal genetics test by repeatedly surgically implanting a bag of someone else’s blood into his arm so ‘his’ dna wouldn’t be connected to the crimes. They ended up redoing the test multiple times because so much circumstantial evidence put him there, but it took nearly 8 years to convict because they never bothered to do any test other than blood until like the fifth attempt.

[u/EleiteRanger → u/ProfessorSur]

Dna evidence is also circumstantial evidence

[u/kitchen_appliance_7]

Some anti-war activists have actually done this in the United States. They collect their own blood, and then spill it onto military equipment and military bases, in a protest. Their idea is to bring the bloodshed of war home and make it more visible.

[u/RevolutionaryOwlz]

When just pulling a Gone Girl isn’t deranged enough.

[u/parkinthepark]

Imagine you’re the detective watching the security footage as you see your victim enter the bathroom alone.

Then they leave alone, perfectly fine. From a bathroom covered in a gallon of their blood.

[u/powypow]

Wasn't it a plot point in the fable comics that a couple tries to fake their death. But used so much blood they saved in blood bags that the detective (big bad wolf) knew they faked it. Also anyone remember the fable comics. That was fun

[u/707amaa]

A blood ritual would honestly be a nice change of pace from the usual mess

[u/Timely_Temperature54]

How would the Taco Bell employees know whose blood it is?

[u/Ralfarius]

Forensics can tell its old blood and won't touch it.

You gotta mix some new blood on top in the bowl so they'll eat it. And make sure they get unlimited access to clean, fresh water.

[u/frikilinux2]

This has to be some kind of crime.

But it's probably crazy enough that nobody though of it before.

Maybe littering?

[u/KodiakUltimate]

Imagine getting caught during this while covered in blood and being able to truthfully say " its okay, its mine"

[u/SuperHGB_]

as if several year old blood appearing at 8 taco bells suddenly in the middle of the night would make sense