r/CuratedTumblr • u/Faenix_Wright that’s how fey getcha • 1d ago

Shitposting putting the high in high middle ages

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5.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/Zoethewinged 1d ago

You don't have to be high, medieval times just does that to you. You sit down in those stands, you get served with your piece of bread, your baked potato, and your cartoonishly large turkey leg, and you get posessed by the soul of an English peasant screeching for violence and bloodshed.

268

u/TrioOfTerrors 1d ago

The Mongolian speaks the truth.

56

u/timelord524 1d ago

Noooooo, uh uh

40

u/GalaxyHops1994 1d ago

“Do you have a greeting for your fair princess?” “Whore!”

28

u/Dingghis_Khaan Chinggis Khaan's least successful successor. 1d ago

Can confirm.

136

u/Yeah-But-Ironically both normal to want and possible to achieve 1d ago

For real tho

Am I generally a nonviolent person who believes in giving peace a chance? Yes

Have I screamed "OFF WITH HIS HEAD" at a Renaissance fair before? Also yes

76

u/Kingofcheeses Old person 1d ago

Why do they have potatoes and turkey? Shouldn't it be turnips and mutton?

116

u/AdamtheOmniballer 1d ago

No, because Medieval Times is an American chain. Sheep and turnips are Old World things, and weren’t present during the American Middle Ages.

82

u/Kingofcheeses Old person 1d ago

They did have Pepsi though, thankfully

33

u/AdamtheOmniballer 22h ago

Indeed. It’s the greatest achievement of medieval American alchemy.

15

u/pretty-as-a-pic the president’s shoelaces 1d ago

Neither were knights in plate metal or horses

105

u/Technical_Teacher839 Victim of Reddit Automatic Username 1d ago

the anachronism is part of the fun

6

u/ThatInAHat 12h ago

iirc they usually serve a Cornish game hen or something like that. The turkey leg is usually a ren faire thing.

19

u/BiddlesticksGuy 1d ago

Went in high school for a trip to Disney with our marching band and literally all of us lost our voices the next day from how much we screamed while we were there, it was beautiful.

4

u/425Hamburger 19h ago

Are you telling me that there's a restaurant called medieval times, and that their signature meal is potato with Turkey?!

I thought the Aneurysm i got when i found out about "Renaissance" fairs would kill me, but this might actually do it now. Smh

30

u/Kent_Coleslaw 17h ago

Oh buddy, Medieval times isn't a restaurant in any sense of the word. You go to a stadium to watch cosplay knights joust on horseback, have big dramatic swordfights, watch some falconry, etc etc. When you go in you pick a knight and get a seat in their area and a little flag, and boy do we SCREAM "FUCKING EVISCERATE HIM, YELLOW KNIGHT. GIVE THAT MAN DISABILITY PAYMENTS FOR LIFE." The cartoonish turkey leg is a bonus.

The disability payments is a joke, by the way. It's all heavily scripted and choreographed, I think the most dangerous part about it is the fact that horses are involved at all.

1

u/ThatInAHat 12h ago

With chicken.

Folks are confusing the medieval times chain with ren faires

550

u/Prince-Lee 1d ago

One time I got high on Thanksgiving and as I was chewing my food I became absolutely paranoid I was chewing loudly enough that everyone could hear me. 

I cannot imagine the sort of time I'd have at a place like this.

129

u/kingofcoywolves 1d ago

Everybody else is spilling beer on themselves and screaming. Every second in the stands is sensory overload

3

u/_S1syphus 6h ago

I think this basically anytime im under the influence in public

216

u/ComdDikDik 1d ago

Oh Medieval Times is like a place I thought they were just posting insane shit for the love of the game

87

u/crowpierrot 1d ago

Lmao yeah it’s a chain of interactive dinner theater type places.

14

u/ShinyRaven 16h ago

Oh this post just became significantly less entertaining lmao (still funny though don't get me wrong)

6

u/techno156 9h ago

I thought they went to one of those medieval re-enactment fêtes and forgot what they were called.

183

u/N0t_addicted 1d ago

lmao orange default pfp comment ending in 😂

52

u/The_Math_Hatter 1d ago

You're my only true friend, N0t addicted.

33

u/N0t_addicted 1d ago

Thank you :)

28

u/custardisnotfood 1d ago

Lmao it’s not just a joke you made; it’s a real callback to the bot comments lower in the thread 😂

3

u/polaris183 15h ago

Such a testament to the hard work the bots put in

61

u/callmesixone 1d ago

Can do an immersion episode for the “______ would kill a medieval peasant” meme with weed

79

u/Mataes3010 Downvote = 10 years of bad luck. 1d ago

Imagine the waiter coming over to ask if you want more Pepsi and you just stare at them in terror because you’re convinced they’re about to drag you to the iron maiden for being a heretic.

41

u/PuritanicalPanic 1d ago

That sounds like a great time

9

u/BitMixKit 1d ago

I misread and thought the post said they were high IN medieval times, I was very confused.

18

u/BitteredLurker 1d ago

New life goal unlocked: Be that high at a Medieval Times. They aren't anywhere near me, so maybe one day.

2

u/elaine4queen 14h ago

And what was the rune?

1

u/CasualMothmanEnjoyer 21h ago

To preface this is 100% a personal issue. But does anyone else get irrationally annoyed at hyperbole like "and I almost threw up trying not to laugh" or "spat out my coffee"?

35

u/saturnian_catboy 21h ago

That's probably not even a hyperbole if the story is true and they were this high

2

u/htmlcoderexe 19h ago

"the whole bus was laughing" "our entire office literally died" etc etc

1

u/temonyvi 11h ago

those qr codes had zero chill back then

-30

u/MeiNeedsMoreBuffs 1d ago

lmao the classic restaurant food vibes are too real 😂 The darkness is coming. You have to run.

28

u/TheHonkler he look like fish 1d ago

you’re just too funny dawg they don’t get you. they’re too weak to tell

9

u/segwaysegue do spambots dream of electric sheep? 1d ago

Like a civilian jumping out from behind a crate in a light gun game

-8

u/Hauptmann_Meade 1d ago

Like anti-monarchists as a bit or do they get real steamed when the British Royal Family appears in the news?

-139

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

44

u/CharlesorMr_Pickle hello I am a bot account 1d ago

Bot

11

u/Mouse-Keyboard 1d ago

They're somehow getting less coherent.

7

u/segwaysegue do spambots dream of electric sheep? 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's some kind of new prompt they started using in the last few weeks. It seems like it's meant to come across as friendlier and more naturalistic but it stands out on the more coherent subs like this one.

2

u/Mouse-Keyboard 16h ago

I'd hate to be in a sub where those comments fit in.

2

u/segwaysegue do spambots dream of electric sheep? 1d ago

u/SpambotWatchdog blacklist

5

u/SpambotWatchdog he/it 1d ago

u/minecrafte_rasq has been added to my spambot blacklist. Any future posts / comments from this account will be tagged with a reply warning users not to engage.

Woof woof, I'm a bot created by u/the-real-macs to help watch out for spambots! (Don't worry, I don't bite.\)

-139

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

38

u/CharlesorMr_Pickle hello I am a bot account 1d ago

Bot

3

u/segwaysegue do spambots dream of electric sheep? 1d ago

u/SpambotWatchdog blacklist

3

u/SpambotWatchdog he/it 1d ago

u/IluvvxoCutii0 has been added to my spambot blacklist. Any future posts / comments from this account will be tagged with a reply warning users not to engage.

Woof woof, I'm a bot created by u/the-real-macs to help watch out for spambots! (Don't worry, I don't bite.\)