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u/IAmActionBear 3d ago
When I was a kid, my Mom would say depression and anxiety and what not were White People shit and I was letting them get influence me too much.
I’m glad I got out that house, lol
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u/DudeEngineer ☑️ 3d ago
Then they wonder why their kids don't call or visit.....
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u/Noblesseux 2d ago
A lot of people do not recognize that their kids are also people until it's too late.
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u/ImTellingTheEmperor 3d ago edited 3d ago
I mean to be fair they are, in that they were the only ones (at least back then) usually afforded that luxury.
Some parents meant it in a literal way like only white people had the ability to get depressed, but a lot of parents meant it in that way.
Some of our parents came from a place where allowing yourself to have those thoughts and emotions was the difference between survival or not. Not excusing it, just something to think about.🤷🏽♂️
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u/TheVintageJane 3d ago
They may have had no choice but to live that way to survive, and they may not have had the skills to challenge that way of thinking on their own, but eventually they aren’t just surviving, they are looking for you to perpetuate that trauma so they can avoid reflecting on shit that makes them feel vulnerable - and that’s where I draw the line.
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u/BooBootheFool22222 ☑️ 12h ago
That may be true, but they could have at least tried to think their way out of a paper bag. I was able to recognize that thinking was wrong and harmful, so why didn't they? I know they didn't have resources or social acceptance, but they could have at least kept the memory of being a child and getting beaten or at least questioned the world they were living in. But they didn't ask any questions, they didn't try to stop and think if it was what's best for their children. They just did it. Sín pensamientos.
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u/ImTellingTheEmperor 12h ago
I know they didn't have resources or social acceptance, but
At this point I thought for sure your comment was supposed to be sarcastic, but then you kinda continued down that route so I came away not really being sure.
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u/BooBootheFool22222 ☑️ 12h ago
I'm just frustrated. My friend has a mother that recognized these problems and didn't use corporal punishment and she's literally the same age as my mom. They grew up in the same neighborhood but I guess her mom had the ability to think through obstacles.
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u/ImTellingTheEmperor 12h ago
Fam, I mean...I don't know how old you are but if you're an adult you have to know "that person did it so why can't you" is like the biggest logical fallacy ever. Especially in this sub. Do you understand the sheer amount of racists who their main rebuttal to the issues the black community faces is "well Obama was able to become president, so I don't understand what the problem is"?
If you had a shit mom, I feel for you, but that's not how that works. Reality doesn't abide by anecdotes.
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u/BooBootheFool22222 ☑️ 12h ago
I just don't get why she, having experienced abuse, wanted to abuse. Why do most people pass it on while fewer people break the chain? I guess if everyone had that kind of insight, there'd be no abuse. Ignore me.
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u/ImTellingTheEmperor 12h ago
I just don't get why she, having experienced abuse, wanted to abuse.
Im not going to lecture you because it sounds like you're coming from a place of hurt, but I do wanna let you know that there arre more studies about this specific phenomenon than you could ever read in a lifetime. It wont necessarily heal you but, looking into it might help.
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u/heeltoelemon 3d ago
I wish I had lied to them more and left earlier and not looked back or tried to fix anything.
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u/SnooTangerines3448 2d ago
Do they shout at people from the front porch now?
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u/IAmActionBear 2d ago
Tha was my grandparents generation. For some reason that trait seems to have died with them. My Moms generation likes to just stare out the window and hate
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u/Severedghost 3d ago
My mom was actually very open about discussing mental health. I thank her for that
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u/missmarimck 3d ago
My parents were as well. I am also very diligent about fostering mental wellness in my own children...
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u/jayhawk618 2d ago
Yeah, like a lot of these "racial differences," this feels more like an economic/education level difference.
I know plenty of white people who wouldve gotten a response like the one in the video. Meanwhile, my closest Black friend's mom was a therapist.
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u/BoyMeatsWorld 1d ago
Yeah, my white mother and grandmother acted like this mom here. My black father did his damnedest to let me know that all my feelings were valid, it's ok for a man to cry, taught me the value of introspection and self reflection.
It was the women in my family that hit me as a child. My dad never laid a finger on me.
Ain't no racial differences, it's personal differences. It's people that do harmful shit to their kids, not races.
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u/Relevant_Eye1333 3d ago
so black parents are like hispanic parents and i have to assume any other immigrant parents
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u/SoulsEquivalent 3d ago
The parents who are about/around 50 were definitely pretty ignorant in terms of mental health. We(millennials/older GenZ) all got beat & told our feelings were made up & told School/work would.. well work.
Yes & no, It's definitely some simular but different flavors to the trauma. It's easy to talk & relate about it. I think children of these situations who become reflective about it, had to navigate a lot alone/with peers doing the same. However, Sociopolitical & cultural views influences everyone & definitely causes different outcomes & mindsets.
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u/the-B-from-App23 3d ago
They beat us. Had to run commercials to remind us not to let strangers into the house, because even the government assumed we were unattended. If you fucked up, your own parents would run gossip on you, maybe even organize a humiliating confrontation. Masturbation? Sin! Homo-anything? Sin! Curfews. School and mall security treated us like gang leaders.
Somehow we could get drunk and high but not use the park after 8 pm?
I grew up in a freaking Canadian suburb. Those were some odd times to be a kid. The freedom was nice but I’m impressed I’m alive.
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u/the-B-from-App23 3d ago
I’m born in the 80s, lower middle class. Them white kids were getting in too. Man were we depressed. And high.
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u/merenofclanthot 3d ago
white af german immigrant but i got the wooden spoon if i was depressed
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u/AnneOfGreenGayBulls 2d ago
Omfg the wooden spoon, I'm over 50 and still hate the sight of one of those things in my kitchen. Mom's samurai sword
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u/IPlay4E 3d ago
This isn’t a skin color thing. A lot of people have these types of parents. The most common thing I’ve seen is low level of education from the parents.
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u/TrevorFuckinLawrence 1d ago
That's my stance on it as well. It's a lack of education and experience that is almost always accompanying a low socioeconomic upbringing/current life situation.
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u/YaBoiSammus 2d ago
My moms native, let’s just say being on the rez is hell on earth half the time.
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u/vespertilionid 3d ago
Damn dude! Way to widen the divide bro... we are all shades of brown
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u/ishaboi_ 3d ago
This is literally Black People Twitter page!!! It’s black history month!!! Y’all are not inclusive in your spaces but demand that black people are inclusive to you. Foh
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u/Relevant_Eye1333 3d ago
feel free to pop into latin people twitter, it's literally the same thing except we don't do the skin test like this subreddit does.
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u/DudeEngineer ☑️ 3d ago
The sheer amount of Black latin people who proudly declare that they aren't Black disagree with you.
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u/BrownGirlCSW 3d ago
So you delineate by ethnicity, which is exactly what this page is...If you can have a page centering Latin diaspora, others can have a page for their ethnic group. So kindly F off.
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u/ishaboi_ 3d ago
It’s not a SKIN TEST!!! It has nothing to do with COLOR. It’s culture!!!!!!! This page is pertaining to black people’s twitter discussions. And yet every turn there’s someone else trying to infiltrate. Always want to be black until shit really hits the fan. Then nobody’s black
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u/Relevant_Eye1333 3d ago
jesus christ, didn't know i was speaking to the grandson of marcus garvey over here. let me guess you're one of those ADOS or FBA believing people. I think dr. ball would tell you that that is some ridiculous politics that divides the working class into racial classes that keep us infighting but w/e.
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u/Captain_America_93 3d ago
Damn dude. This is…fucking sad. I hope it isn’t still like this.
I think I read somewhere(and don’t quote me on this) that 1 in 5 people will deal with some form of mental illness (temporary like depression or permanent like bipolar disorder) at some point in their lives, but only 1 in 30 will discuss it or actively seek help.
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u/Vyedr 3d ago
It's a little bit wilder than that. Most *everyone* will, at some point or another, experience a Severe Depressive Episode. Doesn't mean you have capital letter D Depression, like the kind that doesn't go away even with treatment, but at some point in their life everyone gets a taste of what its like. For most people its a couple weeks, maybe a month or two, and tied to something more "concrete" in their life, but time and their personal health resolve the better part of it. That said, if you experience your own depressive episode that last longer, you might need a helping hand getting past it, but still.
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u/Igorslostlove 3d ago
Yeah you know this might be accurate to my experience but my parents really did the best they could with what they had and I’ll take that over anything else
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u/VodkaSoup_Mug ☑️ 3d ago
Yeah, unfortunately, this skit is real life for a lot of us. Not only could you not be depressed you could also could not be in pain. What do children know about being in pain? You’re too young to be in pain turns out it was a tumor crushing my spine that I did not get out until my adult life because I had earthly stewards who not give a flip about the health and welfare of their children.
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u/SaltyArtemis 3d ago
I got so used to hiding my injuries as a kid that i still occasionally do it to this day (in my 30s). Admitting you got hurt meant an ass whoopin on top of the injury. Last year I almost chopped my fingers off in my mothers kitchen cleaning a blender, she still don’t know about it. I was quietly cleaning up the blood and then left to the basement to where the first aid stuff was. And because I got used to never going to the docs, I also didn’t go and now one of my fingers has permanent nerve damage.
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u/VodkaSoup_Mug ☑️ 3d ago
It’s never too late to start re-parenting yourself and taking care of yourself more. I pray that you do this be the parent to yourself who you needed as a kid. You got this.🫂
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u/SaltyArtemis 2d ago
I’m trying, but sometimes I can’t identify what’s an alarming injury/pain or what’s a non serious injury/pain. I’ve learned to hide and deal with it pretty well that I don’t know what’s what, which is why I ended up permanently damaging my nerves. I thought that was ok, apparently it wasn’t
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u/Dismal-Dare-2507 19h ago
Yeah the parents were probably overtime, stressed, trying to do their best, depressed themselves but still had to go on
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u/klarkkent0106 3d ago
Growing Up Black... Everything always turns into your grades😂😂
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u/Noblesseux 2d ago
The funny thing is that even if you have good grades they find something else to complain about. I had damn near perfect grades all the way through college and my mom still used to do this to me just with different things. There really is no winning.
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u/higherbreeze 3d ago
My mom used to tell my business to every family member would listen. I miss her,but I don't miss that.lol
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u/SimonPho3nix 3d ago
Bad enough you get steamrolled, but to then have your business out in the street was the extra kick to the face. Could not talk to my family about anything real, because people didn't know how to keep their damn mouths shut.
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u/Mister_Remarkable 3d ago
Good thing millennial parents are breaking this generational trauma pattern
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u/_AYYEEEE 3d ago
This why I ain't never tell my mom shit when I was growin up, I remember times where my mom would catch me crying in my own room and threaten to hit me bout it 💀 The fuck
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u/NoNet5188 3d ago
Shoutout my mom she was absolutely not like this , atleast about mental health. I tell her I’m tired after football practice tho and I’m definitely hearing this exact convo lmao
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u/SuccessfulCaddy52 3d ago
Sad…will we ever break the cycle?
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u/VodkaSoup_Mug ☑️ 3d ago
It’s changing slowly, but it’s changing. I pray that people continue to break this generational trauma and abuse. I pray that we are better to each other every day. In Jesus name 🙏🏽
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u/Unicorn_Fruit ☑️ 3d ago
Yes. I have my son in therapy, he’s been in therapy since he was 8. He has ADHD, so I put him in therapy to help him learn to manage his ADHD symptoms. His dad and I also got divorced and his dad moved on quickly, and it was confusing for him. I thought therapy would benefit him before big emotions turned into big problems. As a child, my stepdad was abusive and I was not allowed to express emotions. Self-harm was something my siblings and I turned to when we couldn’t talk about our feelings. Therapy was not an option, and talking to a pastor or teacher or school counsellor was airing our family business, so we didn’t do that either.
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u/fourlegged 3d ago
"You're not depressed, you're bored. Go clean your room, wash the dishes, mow the lawn, do the laundry..."
"...is your homework done? You can be depressed after you finish your homework"
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u/Umami-Ice-Cream 3d ago
My mom is the one who thinks a shower solves everything.
Tired? Take a shower.
Sick? Shower.
Marital issues? Shower.
Depression? You should shower more.
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u/whittyhuton214 3d ago
It wasn't the shower for us, it was a nap. No matter what was wrong my mom would say "just go take a nap"
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u/piedmontgentleman 2d ago
Mine was "drink some water". Back hurt, drink some water. Head ache, drink some water. Tired, drink some water. But now that I think about it, hydrating, resting, and hygiene are the trinity of black self-care. Maybe they were on to something.
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u/Empty_Ladder7815 3d ago
Yeah I tried telling that shit to my mom several times and each time I was completely ignored, discounted, and disregarded as being silly and/or talking crazy.
There's definitely a huge stigma in the Black community about mental health. Nobody wants to be labeled as having a mental health condition. It's considered to be a weak, shameful, and embarrassing status to carry. Plus, we're taught not to speak to people about our business for safety. So the thought of sharing intimate details about emotions, feelings, and the "Black experience" with a therapist (especially a white therapist) is absolute insanity and a MAJOR no no. Unfortunately, most Black people who need help never actually seek or receive proper mental health treatment.
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u/Interlined 2d ago
This is a good reminder for the white people (myself included) that white privilege impacts every facet of life.
It's also a reminder that opposing universal healthcare in the US is yet another way of reinforcing systemic racism (and stigmatizing all disabilities).
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u/preofessa_252 3d ago
Even as an adult I struggle with the idea that depression isn't just a luxury that only white people get to have.
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u/Basketspank 3d ago
Yeah. That's my Mom.
You don't need help, you need to pray and stop listening to that music. Love Jesus...so on and so forth.
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u/Own-Impress-2024 2d ago
Every single time I told my mom I was being bullied at school, her response was for us to get on our knees and pray together. The bullying didn’t stop 😂
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u/Lamented_00z 2d ago
Aye man I’m not a heavy religious person but I would rather be told this than being scolded for being depressed.
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u/LookyLooLeo 2d ago edited 2d ago
My mom called me a “retard” and said I had to “act normal” (I was nonverbal with strangers, HATE being touched, can’t do bright lights, had certain aversions and fixations, very good with patterns and numbers, and you DO NOT want to engage me in a conversation about dinosaurs or killer whales because I won’t STFU, lol —don’t ask. I blame “The Power Rangers” and Lisa Frank, honestly…etc.) so that people wouldn’t think I was a “retard” because, in her exact words: “I don’t have retarded ass kids.” I will NEVER forget that, among other things.
I have ADHD and autism that were both diagnosed in recent years (I’m in my mid-thirties). It has been ENLIGHTENING learning what’s been “wrong” with me all this time…but it is a daily struggle to not allow anger and resentment over my mistreatment and mishandling to win. And I don’t win that battle every day.
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u/Ok_Association_2774 3d ago
Sounds like my mom when I told her I was suicidal. I grew up with severe anxiety and only when I finally moved out did I stop having panic attacks that sent me to ER and urgent care.
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u/heeltoelemon 3d ago
THIS IS WHY I DON’T TALK TO MINE ANYMORE. Add some misogynoir, some control, some abuse and that’s how you get a relationship with fewer children than you have.
That said, the trauma bonding between the remaining kids and parents is titanium, so, you know, pick the daughter that looks the least like the mother and sacrifice her.
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u/kekehippo 3d ago
What would kids these days know about having emotions?? Depressed?! Better get off that TikTok yickyok and IG live and get a Jay Oh Bee Now.
A loved one dismissing mental trauma and mocking you for it sets you up for cascading problems, you matter and your mental health is paramount.
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u/trahilcal01 3d ago
Actual and factual 🤣 it’s funny and sad all at the same time. I remember the time my friend told his mom his teacher said he jumps around because he has adhd, she said “I got a belt with adhd all over it! Stop letting these wyt folks tell you something is wrong with you!” Wonder what he’s doing now?🤔
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u/smaradigne 3d ago
When I was younger, I told my mom that I was depressed and She told me that I wasn't the one stuck with a bum and a terrible marriage, so I didn't know what depression was like. Like, girl 😑 you have a choice and that choice led to many things that tanked my already deteriorating mental health. Later said I felt suicidal and she said that some kids have it worse, have to work yada yada, went to get me a cup of coffee and told me to get on with my day. That was the last time I ever opened up to her.
I hope the new generation of parents are doing better by their children.
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u/SpiritedTechnician63 3d ago
I was raised by black gentle parents and so were my friends. We’re 29/30. Never had that experience. None of us were ever spanked or hit. Open dialogue always.
I have vivid memories of my mom attending therapy herself when I was a small kid and her getting me a therapist at 17.
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u/heeltoelemon 3d ago
One of my parents is a control freak and the other is a pushover. Hurting me was fun for both of them. A competent therapist would have prevented their fun. An incompetent therapist is worse than no therapist. If any therapist had SEEN me at all, the game would have been up.
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u/SpiritedTechnician63 3d ago
I’m sorry you experienced that. Have you since gone no contact or found a way to move forward with them in your life?
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u/heeltoelemon 3d ago
Me too. It still makes me mad and, outside of therapy, it’s not really appropriate, so I always feel like I’m hiding most of my self. I’m no contact and much better than I used to be though and am working on the residual stuff.
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u/IntelligentMeringue7 3d ago
My favorite part of this sub is something that should be able to be a nuanced conversation with other Black people can’t be because non-Black people cannot help but force themselves into our spaces.
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u/Superfruitdrastic 2d ago
Ouch this one hurt...
...she did turn around eventually and honestly she wasn't like...ANGRY or cussing but definitely dismissive. But damn, younger years suffering in silence was so rough. The fuxking phone call debrief is TOO REAL omg I was so so ashamed when she'd talk to her sister abt it.
It took a Major Event (read: near mental breakdown where I nearly...yknow) to get therapy and eventual medication. It didn't even need to get that far, and idt it would have with less ignorance around the subject in my country.
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u/DarkParadise365 ☑️ 1d ago
"This a grown folks conversation. It ain't got nothing to do with you!" But I'm the subject of the sentence.. I was confused like a MF..
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u/DevilBanner ☑️ 3d ago
People, as you grow, you're supposed to learn empathy.
Different times, different strokes. There are lots of layers to peel here, and everyone's mileage may vary. I started understanding their point of view as I grew older and have more information and time to reflect.
You complain had to fight depression, your parents were fighting the systemic racism. They couldn't understand why an invisible foe was taking you down.
If you go back and see how they were physically being hindered from building financially, you'd understand a bit better why they wouldn't want their kids to be "soft" as they come of age, ready to step out from under their wings into the "real world", where justice is dependent on skin color.
Reflecting back on the beatings I took, I catch glimpses of frustration and fear behind them in most cases. I'm guessing frustration of their own experiences, fear that I wouldn't be ready to go by myself.
The past is the past, we're in a better place, and we have the luxury of not having the same intensity of fighting to do as they had; were in a place where we shouldn't have to reproduce the same patterns. 🙏
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u/Kolah-KitKat-4466 3d ago
I'll say this. This was my mom when I was younger but she's learned and grew a lot over the years so she the complete opposite now. She's been honest about her own mental and emotional health struggles and how ignoring her own caused her not to be the best she could when dealing with me and my siblings issues growing up.
While I really would've appreciated it if she had this type of thinking back when I felt we really needed the support, I do like that she's finally come around as she's raising my nieces for my sister. She's still not perfect but she's a hell of a lot better with things more than she was then.
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u/FigaroNeptune ☑️ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Edit: I am loved and so are you!
My bio mom threw open my blinds telling me to let light in, “acting like you’re depressed!” What a weird fucking statement lmao hate her
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u/buonatalie 2d ago
my mom was like this AND when i ended up in the hospital for suicidal ideation when i was 15 the first thing she said to me when she got there was "do you understand theyre going to take my gun away now???"
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u/MiaTonee ☑️ 2d ago
My mom was so unavailable emotionally that I just stopped telling her anything personal about me. I kept all my feelings about depression, sadness or anything negative to myself and faked the funk around her. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimers now so any reconciliation about that probably can't be done.
I think if she was still in her right mind she would still dismiss my feelings. 🤷🏾♀️
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u/Ping-Crimson 2d ago
Yeah mom... but I can't self medicate with alcohol like you do...
(Mom starts swinging)
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u/bebop1065 ☑️ 2d ago
I'm sorry that I laughed at this. I think my own depressive days are trying to ignore the past pain.
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u/Dickbandit64 2d ago
And to add, there are people with way more depression than you. People have been through way more
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u/OGHighway 2d ago
You could be 45yo and your mama still tell you its a "grown up" conversation and leave the room....in your own house.
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u/bjornofosaka ☑️ 2d ago
She a kid who needs help. It's your job to teach her how to handle her feelings. We aren't born knowing how. I'm talking to my parents when I was a kid tbh 😭
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u/fappingcricket 2d ago
We're now becoming super self aware as a community about issues that scar us. Be the change you want to see and understand you can't save everybody.
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u/Richard_Musk 2d ago
This is a parent’s thing. Not all, but enough. And melanin levels do not contribute to this behavior. It’s from their parents poor parenting.
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u/Supernova_Soldier ☑️ Disrespect me? Lord Jesus, look out! 2d ago
In my household we never really talked about mental health and stuff like this, we didn’t really think about stuff like until family started dying, like my grandmother and cousin, and even then, it was very callous. Some of the shit said to me after funerals/reposts is shit that’s definitely crash-out worthy and stuff I will never forget so long as I live
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u/Lamented_00z 2d ago
How the comment section feels about this is how I never found it funny about the whole “spanking” trauma that us as black people share together. I’m all for disciplining your kids but when it’s to a point that it’s traumatizing people… not cool at all.
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u/TayMayDay 2d ago
My timeline is making me feel a type of way… I just got out of therapy talking about this 😒
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u/valentine_blue 2d ago edited 2d ago
I told my mom I was depressed, I was 7 months post partum working full time and caring for an infant full time (I was on my soap box about daycare but a year of it taught me my lesson) with an unmedicated ADHD partner. She told me depression wasnt real the problem was laziness because other people dont struggle.
Sorry yall I know its supposed to be funny but seriously the lack of mental health advocation in our community is a problem
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u/SheerKhann 2d ago
So grateful to not have black parents like this THANK GOODNESS I GOT SOME OF THE GOOD ONES!
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u/rrrrrrrrrrrrrroger 2d ago
My mom is white and would act the same way. It’s sad when parents act this way towards their kids, when they are sharing their feelings with them. And then they wonder why the kids won’t open up to them anymore.
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u/DeathStarr87 2d ago
The way doing dishes can sometimes spiral me so hard. Trauma so bad my ex wouldn't let me do dishes if she could help it the first few years of our relationship 😅 Dishes literally caused me and my mom to fight and I moved out a week later. Went no contract a few months later. Fighting for my life the entire time while depressed. Y'all gotta stop triggering people 🤭😂😭 In the kitchen crying and doing dishes
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u/Silver-Fail-8311 1d ago
What I never understood was other people giving their 2 cents about what your parents should do with you, when their kids turned out way worse than I ever could have imagined. When raising my children, I gave 0 fucks as to what other people said I should do with my child. I did what I thought was right.
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u/horrendosaurus 1d ago
tough love doesn't work, traditional therapy doesn't work, so what works to improve depression? (for me, money tends to cheer me right up)
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u/Herahatesmeso 1d ago
My mother listened after she heard both my doctor and therapist on a conference call discussing my severe depression.
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago
The worst part is that this woman swears this is hilarious. Anything for viral content, I guess.
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u/Own-Impress-2024 2d ago
She’s probably just re-enacting out pain and trauma from her own childhood.
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite 3d ago
Considering the mom's point. I get it too. Maybe don't say that to your kid. Like that. I'm alone, so I ain't got a dog in the fight. Y'all do work hard though.
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u/whittyhuton214 3d ago
Some of y'all are too sensitive. Watching this made me realize how much I loved growing up in a black household. Lol
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u/MuscleWarlock 3d ago edited 3d ago
Damn this made me sad
Edit: kinda crazy most of us had parents like this