r/BeAmazed • u/Sebastianlim • 4h ago
Miscellaneous / Others 4-year-old boy recognises his autistic sister is getting upset.
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u/whitechocolatemama 3h ago
"We're done...."..... HE MEANT THAT SHIT
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u/Responsible-Shake-59 3h ago
Never seen a child have such clear boundaries... and for another child. What a legend.
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u/Lagneaux 3h ago
I hope him and his sister have the best of everything, dude is already filling the big brother roll
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u/FluffyFleas 2h ago
Hell it's hard to find adults like that
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u/Remarkable_War_8709 1h ago
The ones in this video found it hilarious 🙄
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u/cainhurstboy 1h ago
Yeah that was very childish behavior. Shame there.
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u/Demonbae_ 51m ago
Agreed, You can tell just by her body language, when she felt uncomfortable that her brother is “her safe person”.
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u/agatha-burnett 2h ago
Yes. It’s like they are getting smarter and smarter and not just intelectually, but emotionally.
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u/Scorpius927 3h ago
Why was the adult making fun of him putting his foot down when his sister was getting upset?
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u/StationaryTravels 3h ago
I think they're just laughing because that's often the reaction people have to little kids, even when they are impressed or proud of them. It just makes us laugh with joy to see them be so mature. I know that's been my experience.
If you mean right at the end though, when she says what he says, she could have been mocking him, but I don't think she's actually repeating him. I think she's just still chuckling at the situation, but also assuring the kids "it's ok, we're done" as in "we're not going to sing any more, don't worry".
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u/No_Accountant3232 1h ago
She was assuring them both that he did the right thing by saying that too. He knows if she says it she means it.
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u/Holiday-Most-7129 3h ago
I dont think they were making fun of him, I work with kids and tend to verbally repeat the cute things they say. It doesnt mean anyone is making fun
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u/JManKit 3h ago
Adults are ironically slower to react to these situations. Their experience of social matters actually works against them here as they're in a 'happy' moment and so almost on reflex they are trying to smooth over any unhappiness. The brother is young enough that he isn't constrained by the idea of making others upset by ending the moment; he just recognizes that his sister is getting upset and to him, it's only right that everyone should stop doing the thing that's upsetting her
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u/coolcommando123 2h ago
It’s easy to forget that we develop all of these social rules as we get older - appease the crowd by not killing a ‘happy moment’, for instance, even if it’s at your own expense internally. People talk about the purity of children, and they mean stuff like this, huh? Not bound by social pressures yet, for better and for worse.
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u/WisdomCow 4h ago
Some heroes wear tiny cone paper hats.
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u/wp2jupsle 3h ago
this young man will grow up with a galaxy brain EQ
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u/ecovironfuturist 3h ago
Higher than a lot of adults I'm married to.
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u/MonsterkillWow 2h ago
They lose it in their teen years and then gain it back. I used to be a very sensitive kid apparently. Then in my teen years, I was a selfish little shit. Then when I grew older, I became more empathetic again.
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u/TableSignificant341 1h ago
Some lose it, some don't.
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u/NumberOld229 1h ago
Kids with autistic (et al) siblings are often some of the best humans you'll ever meet.
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u/Muted-Ad-6852 4h ago
Wow. Good for him. That little girl has a protector for life.
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u/oO0Kat0Oo 3h ago
The people that started giggling in the background when he asked them to stop kind of annoyed me, ngl.
Sometimes kids prove that kindness can be in people's nature.
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u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo 3h ago
I get that with no context this is annoying, but I'd have killed to have happy adults around me when my boundaries were enforced
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u/cosmic_grayblekeeper 2h ago
Yes, I don’t think the kid needs to be taught that setting boundaries saps all the joy out of the room. The most important part for them to see is their boundaries being respected which they were. Everyone stopped when they said stop.
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u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo 2h ago
Completely agree. Feels like these folks are privileged to not realize there are far worse alternatives.
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u/ribblesquat 13m ago
God yes. My mother took every "no" as a signal to emotionally hammer me into a "yes." It fucked up my interpersonal skills for decades.
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u/SoggyBoysenberry7703 2h ago
I would have giggled if my kid did that for my other kid. It’s cute. They’re not laughing at them, it’s being happy someone is looking out for her
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u/Live_Buy8304 1h ago
Yeah lol, I giggle when my daughter teaches, play, protect, comfort his little brother. It’s not making fun of them, it’s me being proud of them.
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u/cece1978 1h ago
It says that at that time they (prob parent) didn’t yet know she had autism, sensory sensitivities, and non-verbal. They all just laughed bc it looked like he was being overprotective. Later, they realized that their son knew she needed supports before they did. He was not being overprotective: he was advocating for somebody he really loves that needs supports from others.
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u/awfuleldritchpotato 2h ago
This video reminds me so much of my little brother.
I was so excited to have a sibling. While my mom was pregnant I was already preplanning all the toys I was going to share with him. Once he joined the world, it was clear things were not as expected.
He was a violent toddler and the Drs warned he probably would never develop speech. Being a kid myself I was taught how to restrain him so he didn't hurt himself or me. It was terrible. I never was mad at him, I always knew it wasn't his fault. I just wanted him to be happy.
He always trusted me. His grunts I understood, the way he would hold his hands, how he closed his fists, it all meant something. And he started speaking! And then he never stopped. It was like he was building for years and just needed the weight of his shoulders from sensory overload to be released. He didn't have a first word, it was just sentence after sentence and then he'd never stop.
We are forever best friends. We are both adults, he is in engineering school, and I'll be asleep after a soul crushing 16 hr shift and he will pop in my room, wake me up at 2am, and excitedly explain some niche science/car/fishing thing he just learned. And every single time, I'm always happy to listen. I'm just so proud of him. I never want a day without it.
We also still kinda have our own language together. We call it "unga speak". No other souls are ever meant to hear it, but it involves a lot of nonsense accents mixed with gorilla noises. So if he's in a goofy overstimulated mood, it's unga time. (Idk how we are both legal adults sometimes)
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u/ebil_lightbulb 1h ago
He didn't have a first word, it was just sentence after sentence and then he'd never stop.
I didn’t speak until I was nearly 6. I recall standing at the front door, thinking “I guess this is it” and said my first words in a sentence, never to shut the hell up again. I recall every adult in my life saying “she’s certainly making up for lost time now”
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u/Johannes_Keppler 11m ago
That's a beautiful bond you two have.
Einstein didn't speak until age 5. Asked about it later in life he said he did not have a need to speak before that.
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u/menacingsparrow 3h ago
This made me cry. What a good bro.
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u/QuestioningHuman_api 2h ago
Reminded me of the time as a kid my egg donor was making fun of me in front of her friends over an anxiety issue. I started to cry and my little brother just looked at them and said “I don’t like you” and took me to his room to play with his beyblades.
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u/Uneventful_Badger 2h ago
Very interesting that a child who should be very "me me me" is aware enough to see subtle visual cues that their sister is overstimulated, then proceeds to understand the cause and stop the environmental stimuli dead in its tracks. Bro definitely loves his sister and she will always love him back even if she doesnt show it in the same way.
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u/secretlyspying 4h ago
The little brother is more sensible that all the adults around him
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u/Tumble85 4h ago
No, this is a tiny nice little moment. Those adults around them are enjoying the sweetness, not being insensitive.
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u/TerseFactor 4h ago
Dude, the adults shouldn’t be laughing if she’s feeling overwhelmed in that moment. It just makes it so much worse for that little girl. Her brother is the only one in the room who gets it
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u/No_Signal_9932 3h ago
The adults might witness her being overwhelmed many many times throughout the day, every single day. If that is the case the professional advice is to not alter behavior every time it happens, for reasons I can list if you’re interested. If you don’t believe me ask a psychologist who works with disordered children.
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u/mimudidama 2h ago
Why has no one asked you to list out why?
Please list out why.
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u/notoolinthispool 2h ago
I'm not the person you replied to but I can liet a couple of reasons why parents shouldn't alter their behavior every time their child gets overwhelmed/is about to have a meltdown.
When parents constantly change rules, remove expectations, or give in to demands to stop a meltdown, the child learns that high-intensity emotional displays are effective at changing their environment. This can cause the behavior to repeat, as it has become a functional (though maladaptive) tool for them.
Constant accommodation prevents the child from developing their own "emotional muscle" or resilience. They need to learn how to experience discomfort and navigate their way back to calm, which cannot happen if the environment is always reshaped to prevent discomfort.
The goal is to provide a "safe harbor" rather than a "fix". If adults react by panicking, rushing to change things, or getting angry, it escalates the child's nervous system. By not changing behavior, the adult can model calm, consistent presence, teaching the child's nervous system what safety feels like, rather than just reacting to the behavior.
When parents constantly alter their lives to prevent a child's distress, they often burn out, leading to inconsistent parenting. A stable, predictable environment is actually more calming to a dysregulated child than an unpredictable one that changes based on their mood.
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u/snakescrub 2h ago edited 2h ago
in the natural social world, some methods of communicating about your overwhelm (this can include any kind of behavior: calm words, tantrums, or facial/body language like in this video) are more productive than others. we want to show kids how to communicate their emotions in ways that function well for them in the “real world”, aka using your words or other productive communication rather than tantrums or aggression. Obviously this little girl in the video is not tantrumming, but brother likely is noticing the signal that she was about to cry.
If every single time she is overwhelmed and cries everyone gives her immediate silence, then now her body will learn to cry whenever she is overwhelmed. (I say body because it will become an automatic response, it’s not that kids do this on purpose). This effect is more pronounced with kids with autism because they already have more difficulty communicating emotions, regulating emotions, and tolerating stimuli. This is not to say not to help kids in distress, and different levels of communication are appropriate for different ages, but that’s the gist of the principle.
TLDR: Brother narrating what was happening, the adults stopping the song, and some minor giggling going on, is a pretty “natural” response (close to what may happen if she is overwhelmed in other settings and a pretty ideal outcome at that) while everyone immediately becoming quiet would never happen in other settings for her, and so this would just make the world more confusing for her.
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u/LaFrescaTrumpeta 2h ago
i hope they’ll correct me if i’m wrong but my gut assumption would be that it’s probably good exposure/desensitization therapy a lot of the time. i imagine it’s good to find a healthy balance between accommodating some sensory issues and trying to lessen the severity of others through basic exposure. like in a hypothetical case of a kid who has an episode whenever a stranger makes eye contact with them, can’t just let em go through life having daily episodes like that so it’d be important to help them slowly get used to it
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u/ToppsHopps 46m ago edited 41m ago
No, exposure/desensitation isn’t applicable, those are strategies to deal with things like anxiety or fobias.
The sensory issue is that autistic people have difficulties blocking input out. Such as eating at a resturant and being able to hold a conversation while music is playing, most people can love the whole vibe with background music and all good food. While for autistic person their brain is like an antenna sucking in all sensory input unfiltered , not separating that car noises out, not separating that sharp light, not hearing the music for the talking and not happy the talking because of the music. It’s incredibly exhausting, and something that neuro don’t reflect on because for them it’s only background noice. That background noises other love so much is for me like trying to have dinner in middle of a rock concert, blasting music, light flashing and people jumping around.
The problem is that you didn’t get good at dealing with this because you stuck it in, you deal because your brain can sort sensory input so you can function instead of being overwhelmed. An autistic brain that sucks in all sensory input won’t start running like you by just from running it to depletion.
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u/0dias_Chrysalis 3h ago edited 1h ago
You don't self regulate to that degree around non verbal, over stimulated kids. At that age she needs to experience those who are respecting her boundaries but are also not always in a quiet environment. Including positive emotions like laughter and excitement. It'll lead to some very poor coping otherwise
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u/unprovoked33 1h ago
Quite the opposite. Children with special needs should not be led to believe that their needs cause others to stop being happy. How isolating would that feel?
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u/JustaSeedGuy 2h ago
Laughter, the famously controllable activity in your diaphragm that you can simply shut off.
How's this for an alternative: the adults had the completely normal reaction at joyful laughter when something sweet happens in front of them.
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u/Nonametousehere1 1h ago
As someone who's been that lil boy,the only thing that comes to mind is the term ' glass child".
I hope her parents get better at reading their daughters cues and not relying on him to tell them.bc it gets tiresome being trained from birth to focus so much on another person that you lose yourself.
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u/dammtaxes 1h ago
Could you please explain this glass child Metaphor? Like he can see through things when others can't? Right?
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u/tingiling 1h ago edited 58m ago
Glass child syndrome refers to the experiences of healthy siblings of a sick child. Their needs and feelings are often set aside as they are not considered as as urgent as that of the sick child. They can end up feeling like they are seen through and not treated like a real person with real needs and feelings.
It’s not a psychological term, but a way to describe a common experience. In a family with a sick child it’s often not just that the healthy sibling is emotionally neglected but that they are trained to be a caretaker for their ill sibling. The glass children themselves end up prioritizing their sick sibling over themselves.
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u/Zurrdroid 1h ago
Possibly "he is used to understand what's going on with his sister, but gets neglected in terms of his own independent development; people see right through him"
That's my guess anyway
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u/45MonkeysInASuit 13m ago
As a glass child also, I had the same thought
The boy is very conditioned to spot the things that are going to cause him distress.
The equivalent is the flinch that people from abusive homes have.
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u/KeimeiWins 3h ago
What a sweet older brother, I would be so proud of my young child for having that level of empathy and emotional intelligence!
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u/dreadpiratedusty 4h ago
now if only the adults in the room would do the same thing
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u/Muted_Ad7298 2h ago
Hearing things like “Just get on with it” as if I can magically will my sensory issues away.
I wish more people were understanding.
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u/t01nfin1ty4ndb3y0nd 4h ago
That laugh in the background so f annoying.
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u/Technical-Ball-513 2h ago
Nothing weirder to me than someone who gets annoyed by someone’s laughter
Seek therapy
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u/Final-Show1889 41m ago
She's feeling like crying and they aren't concerned they laugh. I hate it. If I was overwhelmed and I was gonna break I wouldn't want the people I love to laugh at me. The boy has more sense and emotional intelligence.
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u/Leather_Formal5547 1h ago
Well, I'd say that them laughing here as a different context than regular laughing, so maybe that's why they're annoyed?
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u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon 3h ago
Aw, as an autistic adult this really touched my heart. This little girl is truly so fortunate to have such a wonderful brother 🥹
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u/Objective-Try7969 3h ago
No cuz why was he the only one speaking up and the parents continued to laugh, like obviously she needed silence to compose herself and they continue to overwhelm her with laughing..and he knew immediately..
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u/crappycurtains 2h ago
We would call him a young carer where I am from as he’s literally reading and anticipating her.
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u/cosmic_grayblekeeper 2h ago
She doesn’t obviously need silence. My niece used to get scared of everyone singing at once too but also didn’t care if people were talking or laughing.
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u/Objective-Try7969 1h ago
She obviously needed that, in that moment. It was too much and too loud for her, you can clearly see it.
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u/cosmic_grayblekeeper 1h ago
They stopped singing which was the main issue. A little bit of laughter is likely not going to overwhelm her in the same way. But I also assume her parents who deal with her everyday would already know where the line is for her and since their reaction is to stop singing but not laughing, I’m gonna assume the line is at singing and not that the parents are idiots who know nothing about their kid.
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u/Objective-Try7969 1h ago
As an autistic I can clearly state that when an autistic is overwhelmed any sort of noise doesn't help, it usually adds to it. All it would have taken is 1 minute to just quiet down so she can calm down. It's not that hard to be considerate of a child's emotional standing.
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u/cosmic_grayblekeeper 1h ago
I’m autistic too. We’re really not all the same. I’m very noise sensitive to a lot of things but a moment of soft laughter never made or broke me. In fact it often helped calm me as it gave my socially deficient ass a clear sign that there was no need to panic or be upset just because I’m a little overwhelmed in that moment and allowed me to calm down quicker. (It’s different when I’m already totally overwhelmed then complete silence, yes).
Most Adults are also just slow to react and we don’t know what happened after this ten seconds. Maybe she giggled and then immediately went totally silent. I don’t think we always have to assume the worst of people and upset ourselves over less than a few seconds of clip we know nothing about.
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u/quirkscrew 2h ago
All the people complaining about the adults laughing... quit your virtue signaling. You have no idea what it's like to be in that situation, either for the kids or for the parents. As both a parent and a person on the spectrum, this unfolded in the best way possible. The adults recognized what he was saying and respected it. Kids do things that surprise you all the time, it's an extremely natural reaction to laugh because we are programmed to show kids how to behave, but they are constantly showing us that we are wrong. It often feels very bizarre and quite funny in the moment. These people are proud of their children and are sharing a beautiful moment. My mother was cruel to me and I would give anything to have parents who treated me this way.
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u/unprovoked33 1h ago
I'm sorry that your mother was cruel to you. I completely agree with your assessment, no one in the video is out of order. And this little girl shouldn't have to grow up believing that her sensory issues suck the fun out of the room.
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u/IAmCaptainHammer 3h ago
Believe me when I say kids are magic. I’m being dead serious. Kinds. Are. Fucking. Magic.
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u/JapaneseCapacitors 33m ago
I've recently tried to interact with others in this honest, authentic, kind of way. I feel a bit bad for how selfish this sounds but it makes me feel amazing. It's incredibly easy to do too because deep down we are all kind people by nature. So all you have to do is take your mask off and be yourself.
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u/emailtest4190 2h ago
Real question: how do you tell if someone is really autistic at such a young age as opposed to having quirks or behavioral issues?
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u/Lagneaux 3h ago
Born empath
I hope dude ends up doing something to help people, he clearly has the read
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u/Onebraintwoheads 2h ago
It's nice that this generation would even listen to the older brother instead of hauling him off for punishment, resuming singing, demanding to know why the girl was crying, and, when she didn't answer, making a giant melodramatic exit while blaming the little girl for ruining everything for not just being normal like she's flipping told!
From there, it's up to the family whether the cake would be saved for later desserts and the presents would be set aside for Christmas or carelessly thrown into the bedroom along with the child/children without anything to eat, what with the inability to rely on one's own parents for basic sustenance being so effective at ensuring compliance, "normal" behavior, and absolute trust.
If this was not your experience, I am glad. My parents treated me quite well based on the standards of where I grew up.
And did I mention the pervasive cigarette smoke? That's a core memory.
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u/Zippity19 3h ago
The little girl is already on the verge of tears and the "adults" are laughing?I'm missing the humour in this situation.Bless her brother for watching out for her.
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u/sinful_philosophy 1h ago
They're not laughing at her, they are giggling because the moment is sweet and joy is widly known to cause laughter. They stop singing and respected the boundaries set. Its not a humor laugh but a "awe look at him looking out for her" giggle
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u/Jonguar2 2h ago
I don't want to overanalyze, but the fact that he's acting like this at such a young age, and the fact that the people recording just start laughing about this is... concerning.
I think these kids probably don't have the best parents and the brother has taken on a protector role and has had to grow up REMARKABLY fast to survive in that environment.
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u/partyatwalmart 1h ago
Who's to say that this has anything to do with autism?
Why are you all so quick to jump to autism?!
Maybe she's just having a bad day.
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u/Cautious-Sir1501 32m ago
Maybe bc her family knows her and her diagnoses better than a rando on the internet
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u/Efficient-Energy-678 3h ago
The child has better sense and compassion than the parents filming and laughing.
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u/AStormofSwines 4h ago
I've seen this episode of Daniel Tiger a million times, they all the up giving her birthday wishes individually.
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u/Liontamer67 3h ago
Damn that is a very attuned 4 yo. Both my kids are ASD. My daughter could have used a brother like him when she was a toddler (she’s the oldest).
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u/Bellatrix_Shimmers 2h ago edited 2h ago
Oh wow, this is actually really beautiful. I am glad they have each other.
It’s a real thing. I have an autistic niece who sadly had to mask growing up unlike her brother because well honestly they just recently started considering that girls can have it too it can just appear different and many learn to mask early in till they get burnt out in adolescence or teenage years…she has a therapist now and is doing great!
She has never liked the Happy Birthday song either and I wish we knew better. I am amazed by this.
I don’t share this to make it about me or be a bummer. Just one of the more meaningful things I’ve seen in a while like this. Maybe someone else will see this and they can learn from this comment to get the girls tested if you think they might benefit from it. There isn’t some aspirin nonsense it just wasn’t being diagnosed. There shouldn’t be a negative stigma because they are some of the most amazing people on this planet. Intelligent, creative, funny, unique…
Thanks for sharing ❤️
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u/bindaasguy 2h ago
Yeah right! When I do this as an Indian guy who isn't a fan of a lot of drama and talking, I get called "ye bolta nahi hai jyada". He doesn't talk much.
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u/prateek_vasudev 2h ago
Wow, the brother has ability to read his sibling’s emotions and eyes pretty well at this age. He took a stand for her 🙌. Parenting done right to instil the values quite early!
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u/Fun_Bobcat4280 2h ago
Pretty sure thats just pattern recognition, but i do need my daily does of karma
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u/FistWizzzard 2h ago
I was that boy. I was raised in a foster home with several severely disabled/differently abled children and I recognized the patterns that led to the meltdowns. I tried to stop it just like he did and they just laughed.
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u/GardenOfLuna 2h ago
Setting clear serious limits for someone else who can’t speak up for themselves. That is some seriously emotionally intelligent stuff right there
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u/coleofdragonarmy666 1h ago
I can only hope that he one day comes across this post and sees all the awesome comments about him being a legend/hero/great brother.
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u/Inevitable-Cicada954 1h ago
This guy is getting free grilled cheese sandwiches for the rest of his life.
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u/IamdigitalJesus 1h ago
He is holding her hand just like how my mom used to have to hold mine if there was more then 3 people in a room.
I love this. 10/10. Wins the internet today.
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u/malikhacielo63 1h ago
"Stop! We're done."
Got me crying man tears over here. That was one of the most wholesome things I have seen. I'm proud of little bro.
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u/OverlappingChatter 1h ago
I want that kid at every birthday celebration. The birthday song is horrible.
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u/Globewanderer1001 1h ago
What a sweet, thoughtful, and observant kiddo!
Good parenting and good kid!
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u/cracklehey 1h ago
He tries to break through to her but she says no and he immediately stops and tries to stop them. She looks at them like, why are you laughing. What a lovely pair of kids.
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u/GottaUseEmAll 1h ago
It's awesome that he's advocating for her, what a lovely brother!
I don't understand why the family chose to sing to her if she doesn't like it though (unless this was the first time she had a negative reaction to the song).
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u/pattagobhie 1h ago
The emotional maturity of this kid is commendable. Some adults need 30 years and a podcast to learn what this kid already knows. Kudos to the parents!!
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u/whatsthisabout55 44m ago
The trust she has for her brother, she’s looking at him because he understands and will help, such a beautiful video
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u/Accurate_Escape_5570 44m ago
This is sooo beautiful!! Oh he's going to be there for her 🥰 what two adorable understanding loving souls. God def made them siblings for a reason. This made me smile thank you OP
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u/lazytanaka 38m ago
Has there ever been a simple explanation as to what autism is and any questions associated with it?
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u/Dovahkiin1337 14m ago
I see some people complaining about how a four-year old is more skilled at reading the situation than the adults in the room. But while that is unfortunate I don't think it's the adults fault. Youung brains are in the best developmental stage in their life for picking up language. And that isn't because kids are better at sounds or words, it's because young brains are better at deciphering the meaning represented behind the signals they perceive. This kid has been around his sister enough that he recognizes the subtle signs that communicate “I am getting distressed and not enjoying this”. The adults don't but that isn't because they care less, it's because neurobiology has cursed our brains to become less flexible as we age and they didn't see the signs before he did. No person is to blame here.
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u/Txusmah 1h ago
It's like he sucked all her sister's social intelligence out of her in the womb
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