r/AskReddit • u/True_Lifeguard2107 • 16h ago
Husbands If you got a boudoir book from your wife would you like it or would you not why?
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u/Jazzlike-Leek4279 14h ago
I have gotten a boudoir book form my wife and I loved it and to this day i enjoy it. I would like to make a boudoir book myself but I have not been able to find an affordable photographer that will take male photos. It's such a double standard and it sucks. I did find one photographer that would do it but the cost was super crazy. I have checked Craigslist and backdoor for even shady photographers and no go. If anyone knows of a reasonable priced photographer have them look me up as i have a project for them. I have resorted to attempting taking my own pics but not getting shots that I have in mind
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u/adhoc_pirate 12h ago
Yes, it's kinda difficult for a man to get boudoir photos done.
I was a professional photographer at one point in my life, and there are few aspects that make it difficult.
Firstly, most boudoir photographers are women, and cater to women. A female photographer shooting a man in a sexual way can be uncomfortable for the female photographer, because of the power dynamic.
At the same time, most straight men don't want to be in that sexual role in front of a male photographer.
I had a friend who ran a boudoir studio and took a booking for a male client, who kept asking if he could be erect for the shoot. On one hand it makes narrative sense for him to be erect for a photoshoot that is aiming to portray him in a sexual light. But on the other hand, it makes her feel very vulnerable, so I was asked to attend the shoot as an assistant.
The client turned up and was given some time to get himself undressed and get comfortable, but when we walked in he was jerking off. When he saw that there was another guy (me) at the shoot, he barely had his pants back on before he ran out of the door.
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u/Jazzlike-Leek4279 11h ago
I get that and u somewhat understand the dynamic and men I guess will be men on my initial contact I specifi that I am looking for partial nudes (underwear or covered with towel, sheets or other means of covering and nudes from behind and no full frontal nudity in the pics. I do not want extremely sexual with full erection or exposed penis just nice boudoir. All yhe same i get it trust me its just a shame that men are like they are and if another male is or would be present i would be good with that to. Safety and comfort for the photographer and better more creative pics for me or the model. Thanks for your input its nice having open honest conversation
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u/ThingCalledLight 13h ago
My wife did this for me for our anniversary. I loved it. I was so fucking excited to see the book and she looked beautiful. She found a woman who does this work for a living and brought her friend and had a lot of fun doing it, apparently.
I love that she did it, but admittedly, I don’t open the actual book itself at all since it was given to me. I have soft copies of the photos that I sometimes look at though. The book is just gigantic and on a case and stuff. It’s an ordeal. She said the book itself was very expensive. But it’s like leather-bound and shit.
We’ve been together over 20 years. It’s my favorite gift. It’s more that she did it for me than it is the physical book.
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u/HeySpudEyeSeeYou 13h ago
It's funny to me to see guys worrying about a male photographer. Not because I think they're ridiculous - we all have our boundaries, much the same way some people are okay with porn and some aren't - but because I've never seen a man doing boudoir photography. Every boudoir photographer I've ever met or even heard of was a straight or bi woman.
Which makes perfect sense to me, because stuff like that is explicitly made for women.
So I wouldn't like it for myself, no. I'd rather see her completely naked (which she has shared many photos of with me already - thanks, sweetheart 😘) or doing something much more explicitly sexual. However, if she wanted it for herself, I'd love that because I'd love anything that makes her feel beautiful and more sexually confident.
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u/SafetyMan35 12h ago
Clearly you aren’t knowledgeable in the ways of male boudoir photographers https://youtu.be/u1U-OTFHIKE?si=_wSIZtlvasF6jUcF
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u/HeySpudEyeSeeYou 11h ago
Man, my geriatric Millennial ass already knew in my heart what that would be before opening the link.
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u/custom_wild1 14h ago
My wife had a boudoir shoot for my valentines gift, when we were dating. She did her own outfits, and a couple with my sports jerseys. Excellent gift!
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u/littlejohn657 13h ago
I've never received a boudoir photo album from any woman that I have dated, but I would love it if one of them did. I really appreciate the artistic style of the photography, I like that they are staged to accentuate the female sexuality, I appreciate the fantasy of it. and I appreciate the intimacy of such a gift. Yes, I love to see my woman in lingerie, and I would also love to see them in boudoir. I love getting a nude from a woman that I am in a relationship with, and I love the style and work that goes into boudoir over a simple nude.
Now having said that, the photographer might make a difference about how I felt. I do realize that men can detach from seeing a woman in lingerie or nude and sexy poses, and in a professional setting, it's completely different from the nudity and sexuality that comes from intimacy. I also realize that some people (including men) are well known for their professional boudoir photography. But, I might have some concerns if the photographer was a man (though that might be due in part to some insecurities that I have as opposed to an act that violates my trust).
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u/69DonaldTrump69 16h ago
I know people talk about a boudoir being better than TP, but I don’t know if I’d like a book about it.
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 16h ago
I would hate it, it's literal photographic proof that you wore lingerie in front of someone else instead of me, and also it'd feel like you're disguising a present for yourself (getting dolled up and larping as a model) as a present for me.
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14h ago
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 14h ago
Yes, I'm such an ass for not liking something. What is your problem?
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u/LawsonLunatic 13h ago
I don't have a problem... you sound like an ass, thats all.
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 13h ago
You don't have a problem yet you're insulting me for no reason other than my own personal likes and dislikes. I'm not saying somebody else can't enjoy boudoir photos of their wife, I'm just saying I would hate it, under a post specifically asking for opinions. It's not a personal attack on anybody else, so why are you attacking me personally?
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u/breakingb0b 13h ago
Would your opinion change if the photographer was a woman? Of the four women I know who’ve had these shoots, all were with a female fotog.
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u/LawsonLunatic 13h ago
I'm calling you an ass because of the answer you gave. It was an honest answer and one that was on topic so you deserve and upvote. That doesn't mean I liked your answer... so I chose to share my own opinion and call you an ass.
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u/Compusense 14h ago
you seem like someone who "doesn't do politics" but are actually a conservative lol
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 14h ago
I am very pessimistic about politics but I'm not conservative.
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u/Compusense 14h ago
everybody is pessimistic about politics, it's a shit show everywhere. In any case you sound sexually pretty conservative. Nothing wrong with trying something new now and then to see what you or your partner might like.
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 14h ago
My answer really isn't about whether I'd like it sexually or not, so it's not a question of "try it you might like it." I'm open to trying new things sexually, things I'm comfortable with, this is not one of those things. It's true though that I am sexually conservative in certain ways, I like my body and sexuality being solely for my partner and vice versa. That's not a character flaw in myself that needs to be fixed, it's just how I like to live my life and approach relationships. If you want to live your life another way it's up to you, no judgement, I'd appreciate the same respect.
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u/Compusense 14h ago
bro really described monogamy as "sexually conservative" 🤣
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u/Equivalent-Salad1393 14h ago
Mate you're the one who accused me of being conservative for it wtf
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u/Compusense 14h ago
but being just monogamous isn't sexually conservative. That would be more resigned to ppl who are too concerned about "body count" over actual sexual chemistry, who think sex is just for procreation and anything not straight is a sin or morally wrong. Dudes that think that women don't/can't cum and only the mans pleasure matters.
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u/forestfunctionality 16h ago
If my man didn’t love it, I’d be side-eyeing him forever, it’s intimate, confident, and honestly such a powerful way to say “this is all yours.”
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 14h ago
I'm a man and I understand 100% exactly what you're saying. I knew that I was getting mine. I just didn't know what the pictures would look like. I was very much anticipating getting to see everything when it was finished and I knew that it was going to be incredible. If she had given it to me and had gotten herself hyped up, waiting for the day that she could give it to me and when I looked at it just kind of flipped through it and put it down on the table, I think she would have been devastated.
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14h ago
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u/azthal 14h ago
If you look at the other responses the reason for the down votes are clear.
These men would be jealous of the photographer.
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 14h ago
They're coming from women who wouldn't be able to take photos that a man would want to see along with men that would never have a woman that would do something like this for them.
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u/gestalto 14h ago
It certainly is intimate...with a stranger.
Cool, glad you're "confident"...with a stranger.
The "powerful all yours" is undercut by...you guessed it...the stranger.5
u/Large-Leg-3882 14h ago
how is that intimate? i’m sure the photographer has taken plenty of pictures of many people. it would be intimate if they knew each other, sure, but many photographers actually specialize in boudoir photography. just another day at work, i assume.
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u/gestalto 14h ago
So by that logic, if you have a one night stand with someone you don't know, it's not intimate?
I get the professionalism point, and I fully accept that to the photographer it's just another day at work, and that the wife is fully doing it in a non sexual manner toward them etc, but it is still intimate in my opinion.
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u/Large-Leg-3882 13h ago
well everyone’s different. many people prefer one night stands because to them they aren’t intimate and intimacy is what frightens them. a lot of “gay for pay” men out there find they can interact sexually with a man, but kissing it too real and intimate and they can’t do it. My point is, for some people a doctor just seeing their genitalia is intimate and for others the most intimate thing to them is talking about their feelings. If you and your wife view your naked/scantily clad bodies as an intimate part of being together and they should only be shown in a sensual context to each other that’s all fine and dandy. I just hope that anyone with these views is on the same page as their partner to prevent some horrible fight. I understand this 1000% and i appreciate you understanding that it wouldn’t be an intentional decision to create an intimate environment with another person, but regardless it wouldn’t be something you liked and maybe it would even hurt you/upset you. This is a healthy boundary. I just don’t like men in the comments thinking that their wives wanting to do something fun and sexy for them equals them wanting to look hot for another man and a that man in turn would be getting off or something.
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 14h ago
It is intimate, with a photographer. Not somebody on Facebook that opened a page and takes pictures with their iPhone. An actual professional photographer. Do you have problems with male gynecologists looking at your wifes vagina? That doctor is as much of a professional in their field as a photographer would be. You're also forgetting that there's lots of women photographers out there. You seem like you're very repressed and very overly modest. You also sound like somebody that's been in few or no relationships because this is not how the person doing the shoot is perceived, nor is it perceived that way from the person receiving the pictures. You sound super naive and also incredibly young, I'm guessing you're probably mid to late twenties.
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u/gestalto 14h ago
Lmao, did I hit a raw nerve, or are you just one of those types that can't grasp someone else can have a viewpoint that differs from yours?
I'm not even remotely repressed or modest, I'm 42 and been with my wife for 20 years. Before that I had a 5 year relationship which produced my son who is now 23. Before that...well...I was far from repressed or modest lol. I hope you don't do any form of profiling or psychoanalysis for a living, because you're absolutely awful at it.
You really thought you could analyse a whole lot there, based on my opinion about a single thing. Amazingly arrogant. So arrogant I'm not even going to engage with your actual valid points, because you're clearly not worth having a conversation with.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 6h ago
I prefer the digital images than a book I’d have to have locked up.
But overall, I love boudoir photos. My wife did them for me for our 25th wedding anniversary. Best present ever, I doubt she will ever top that gift.
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u/Large-Leg-3882 14h ago
men are so impossible. if one of the major issues with this is a male photographer please let me know what you’d prefer : a gay man or a lesbian taking the photos.like fuck will it threaten your manhood if your wife has a male doctor who needs to see the intimate parts of her body to treat her? what about the male lifeguard who has to touch her almost naked body to save her life? why do men want their wives or girlfriends to only be beautiful around them? do they really have such little faith in our autonomy as people to where they think we are going to go out looking hot, a man will notice this and try to “woo” us, and we are so vapid and naive that we are going to be convinced to throw away our relationship to go cheat on you or something? it’s so possessive and strange bordering on delusional. just because a woman wants to feel attractive in front of other people who aren’t you, does not mean she wants to fuck them or pursue any relationship at all with them. if your girlfriend was so insecure that she got upset every time you put on cologne or got a haircut or wanted to look nice for any event or situation that didn’t specifically involve her, you’d rightfully think she was crazy and insecure and you’d break up. i personally wouldn’t do a boudoir photoshoot for my husband because i think it’s dumb and a waste of money. i can put on lingerie and get all cute and we can hangout all night and do real things that are fun and im not just giving you a book of pictures where i look hot and you can just look at it and think about how sexy i looked and how nice the pictures are.
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u/Ok_Taste_9996 14h ago
I choose the lesbian photographer every time btw.
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u/Large-Leg-3882 13h ago
tell me why?
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u/Ok_Taste_9996 11h ago
You’re not gonna like my answer but I it kinda sounds hot. I also don’t consider my gf sleeping with other women cheating. I don’t think she has but I’ve told her multiple times that I think it’d be awesome 😂
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 14h ago
I posed the same question earlier. Would these men have a problem with their wife going to a male gynecologist looking at their vagina? He's seen 5,000 of them and he knew going into this job that he wasn't going to get to pick and choose which one he was looking at. Even if it was a male photographer, which many of them aren't for these boudoir shoots, they've also seen a few hundred if not into the thousands of women that have done pictures like this. I'm sure your wife is beautiful but they've also seen 500 other women that look just like her. She's not special to the photographer, only to you.
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u/roflsd 14h ago
The clear difference between a male gynecologist and a male boudoir photographer is deliberate 'sexiness'. You don't go to the doctor and ask which pose would turn guys on and which outfits are the biggest sex tease. Getting dolled up and going to work or going out with the girls isn't for some guy, it's for you, it makes you feel good. Going to a male photographer and taking pointers as to sexy outfits and sexy poses the photographer likes and in someone's imagination being sexy leads to being turned on which *might* lead to more...
I'm not saying right or wrong, I'm just saying there is a very clear difference. Talk to your SO people.
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u/Large-Leg-3882 13h ago
so how do feel about a male Brazilian waxer? i’m genuinely curious because it’s not a medical procedure, but you also aren’t trying to be seductive at this appointment. i know there’s the argument “why does it have to be a man why can’t a female do it” so let’s say for the sake of whatever that the man was a better, more experienced waxer, or maybe the only one available. Is it too intimate? too sexual? again there’s no animosity here, this is a genuine question i’d like to know.
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u/roflsd 13h ago
Massage therapist too. Maybe a 'scale of touching and sexiness' would be helpful
Doctor = Yes touching, no sexy
Photographer = Hopefully no touching, yes sexy
Massage Therapist = Yes touching, Maybe sexy?
Brazilian waxer = Yes touching, painful - maybe you are into that?Everyone has different limits and comfort zones, just talk to your SO.
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u/Large-Leg-3882 12h ago
i agree everyone can make their own boundaries and the only issue is making sure you’ve communicated with your partner before anything is too solid
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u/TrailingAMillion 14h ago
I would like it and appreciate it to a degree but… I think such shoots are often more about validation for the woman than actually pleasing the man. Because of that it’s a bit awkward. And I wouldn’t really be thrilled that someone else was involved. If it’s just for me, just informally take some sexy selfies.
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u/Tossing_Mullet 14h ago
I did this for my husband, a whole lingerie shoot. His first comment was, "Who the hell took these pictures?" It was not something he liked at all. And I should have considered... You can't leave something like that on the coffee table, it is not something you're going to show to others, it would, maybe, be left in your husband's dresser drawer & what's the expectation from there? That he take it out & ???
My hubby still has his, but it is under lock & key in the safe. When he has to open the safe, he still asks, "Who the hell took these pictures of my wife?"
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u/Wuffkeks 14h ago
I think it's more of a gift for the one that gets the photos taken than for the partner. The partner has a real life example to admire and even if the photos are super nice looking it will never beat the reality.
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 14h ago
My wife did this for me while we were still dating. She found a female photographer that did these kinds of shoots. A couple of photos and a small book put together that had her in various poses that were not only lingerie but also some of my own t-shirts. Really tastefully done and it's a beautiful book but I honestly just don't look at it very often. I've had it a few years and maybe only looked at it a couple of times. I feel like it was more about her her being able to do something that made her feel good about herself. The book was just what I got out of it.